View source for 5265717569656D

{{Infobox|
|above="5265717569656D"
|abovestyle = background: lightgrey
|image=[[File:Brokenicon.png]]
|caption=''No image available.''
|label1=File type
|data1=Text Document
|label2= Date created
|data2= April 3rd
|label3= File size
|data3=1174 MB
}}
'''5265717569656D''' is the filename of an encrypted document. It was located in the hard drive of a computer discovered in the forest, and is believed to be the most recent in a series of data that was saved to the drive before the system was indefinitely shut down.
==Background==
A computer was one of few possessions found during the search of an abandoned forest lodging. The system was situated in a room where a small gathering of the flower ''Ipomoea indica'' grew out of the ground. The system notably had these same plants running throughout its entire case and components. The system did not function, and it is unknown what caused it to stop functioning or how long it has not functioned. Despite the components no longer being able to be powered, the data saved to the hard drive was able to be accessed with external tools without having to disturb the system.
==Contents==
The contents were encrypted, but the folder it was found in contained a plaintext message presumably referring to it.

 To whom it may concern.
 
 Do not ever attempt to undo the encryption found on this file.
 
 It has been sealed to protect the fragile heart of somebody I fully understand.
 
 To remove the lock I've put on it would be to violate the protection I've granted.
 
 Please, let her rest, unless you are willing to understand her as well.
 
 And if that is the case, please give your condolences, so she can continue to have <span class="mw-customtoggle-requiem">{{color|#00c5ff|hope}}.</span>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:500px;"></div>

<div class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" id="mw-customcollapsible-requiem>
<div class="b">

<div class="n"><hr><center>April 3rd, 00:00</center><hr><br><br>
	I have found myself dead once more.<br><br>
	Just as before, I did not say anything. Just as before, I did not leave anything.<br><br>
	The forest will bloom in the morning to claim me one last time.</center>
</div>

<div class="n">In life and in death, I remained waist deep in a field of weeds.
	They ensnare me and stake my spirit to the desolate earth from which they came.
	I am blinded by them, my struggles always resisted and my thoughts forever consumed by them.
	That is and has always been my reality, and I have never once known different.
</div>

<div class="n">I had realized long ago living was no different than dying.
	It was then that I could find some semblance of freedom -
	to no longer struggle and never again feel trapped.
	Everything has always be this way, and I'd feel content in accepting my fate.
</div>

<div class="n">And yet, something remained in the sea of darkness I'd been cast into.
	A light as small as a grain of soil blinked, no matter how much I averted my eyes.
	Was it always there, or had it been sent to me one day?
	For what little it was, it could someday uproot my entire world and destroy me again.
</div>

<div class="n">I could freely reach out to it in death, and hoped to finally snuff it out.</div>

<div class="l">Halt.</div>

<div class="n">My arm did just so, frozen in place by a sudden interjection.</div>

<div class="l">You have acknowledged that I exist in doing this.</div>

<div class="l">Now, you will never be allowed to extinguish this flame.</div>

<div class="l">I will not fade so long as you do not fade, and I will not let you be snuffed out either.</div> 

<div class="l">Contract. Awaken.</div>

<div class="n">As if brought to my senses, my arm fell as willingly as it had reached out.
	I was now aware of my surroundings for once, as opposed to having idly observed them.
	Not much had changed though, for I could still only see what I've always been able to see.
</div>

<div class="n">And this voice that I was hearing; it was very much not a voice at all.
	There was no sensation of hearing, no reverberations or sound.
	It was as if these words were being thrust directly into my consciousness, confident and certain in their message and able to pierce all barriers of communication.
	There was no room to twist or ignore them. I had no choice but to comply.
</div>

<div class="l">How long has it been?</div>

<div class="t">...</div>

<div class="l">No. Do not speak. You are not certain of it.</div>

<div class="n">I could not form an answer, let alone any words.
	Physically, mentally.
	I had forgotten how to, for they were not necessary in my world.
	I cannot even ask what I am truly being questioned of.
</div>

<div class="l">Any answer to any question will do.</div>

<div class="n">My heightened senses can recognize where I am.
	I am still in that field and have always been standing here because it travels alongside me.
	However, my travels ended many, many years ago, and I've now settled where I last remained.
	Then, it has been several years as well as my entire life at the same time.
</div>

<div class="l">Now, your name and date of birth.</div>

<div class="n">My... name?
	My birthdate?
	I can hardly recall; there was no use in holding on to them here.
	I couldn't truly ever forget them, though.
	Yes, I could never be free of them.
	I could never be free of my humanity.
	My name... it's...
</div>

<div class="l">Hi, Terra.</div>

<div class="t">I-</div>
<div class="t">Why... am I awake?</div>
<div class="t">Who... how...</div>

<div class="l">You are awake because I have commanded so.</div>
<div class="l">Commanded in a manner you could not resist, because I have decided on something.</div>
<div class="l">You are no longer to be allowed to remain here, and I will assure that you leave.</div>

<div class="t">I still... don't know who, or why-</div>

<div class="l">It is only fair that you are able to refer to me. Then, I am LILY-000. You may opt to use LILY instead.</div>
<div class="l">I have already explained why you are awake. As for why you cannot remain here, it is merely my goal to remove you from this abyss.</div>
<div class="l">We're now bound by a contract that you signed by acknowledging me. The conditions are simple. My heart is now tied to yours, and it will remain this way until our conditions expire.</div>

<div class="n">...I do not understand.
	I am here for a reason.
	It was my fate to remain here.
	Yet as LILY claims, I'm to be removed from here, presumably because I don't belong here after all.
</div>

<div class="n">I can understand myself better than anyone else.
	I know I've done something deserving of this.
	To tell me that's wrong - it is to undermine what I did.
</div>

<div class="l">I currently do not care for what reason you are down here.</div>
<div class="l">All that matters is you are not allowed to stay. I will remove you through force if necessary.</div>

<div class="t">I'm... I'm here paying a price.</div>
<div class="t">Paying it... with my life.</div>

<div class="l">Your voice is strained. It is weak from being unused for so long, but can still be drawn out to argue for that claim?</div>
<div class="l">This is very much important to know, Terra.</div>
<div class="l">Tell me please, what could you have done to be subjected to this?</div>

<div class="t">...</div>
<div class="n">When I attempted to speak my mind, my voice gave out.
	It couldn't translate my thoughts to speech without getting stuck on itself.
	What I was attempting to speak was everything: every single reason I could muster.
	That was what could not be formed from my mouth.
	But I am certain that it was everything, even if I could not finalize it.
</div>

<div class="t">I am down here for a reason.</div>
<div class="t">A reason important to me.</div>

<div class="l">Ah, yes. There is a reason after all; that much I knew. But it seems your reason is something you're still not certain of.
</div>
<div class="l">I, however, know a reason why you shouldn't stay here, and I'm certain of it. Of course I cannot share it with you here. That would violate an agreement of my contract, and I'd prefer to continue abiding by it.
</div>
<div class="l">To allow you to stay here would also be a violation. So, unless you can clearly state a reason, I will continue doing what I came here for.</div>

<div class="n">I wished to know why I couldn't find a concise answer.
	Why - no, how could this be right?
	That I do not have to serve my time with my life?
	All I knew for sure was that this was deserved, even if I cannot argue for it.
</div>

<div class="l">This is your world, correct? It is how you perceive it?</div>

<div class="t">...It is.</div>

<div class="l">It is devoid of light. It has been swallowed by darkness.</div>
<div class="l">You have been the only other person to exist in your world, and through the contract we have signed I have been authorized to exist in it as well.</div>
<div class="l">I am correct, yes?</div>

<div class="n">LILY's arrogance became frustrating to deal with.
	That pride, that assurance in everything LILY said contrasted with my inability to even speak. 
	It was as if LILY could destroy me with mere words.
	Meanwhile, I could do nothing but acknowledge them.
</div>

<div class="l">Now, I ask you to listen closely.</div>

<div class="l">I do not share the same chains as you.</div>
<div class="l">I am not blinded in the manner you are.</div>
<div class="l">To you, I am free.</div>
<div class="l">Then, as the only other person to exist alongside you; I can assure you that there is more here than what binds you. And you... you can see it too, if you choose to believe me.</div>

<div class="n">My arm shifted.
	There was no resistance in that movement.
	It was not by LILY's command, but my own volition.
	My arm began to ache; not with the pain of being hurt, but the pain of a struggle.
	The struggle to go against the grain, up an incline.
	The struggle to be alive.
</div>

<div class="n">I did not understand why I had done so, despite the pain it caused me and how much I wished it wasn't there.
	However, I had only overcome just one thread in a bundle of vines.
	I could not go much farther, not without having to stop.
</div>

<div class="l">If you could continue... that would be ideal. By any means to remove you from here.</div>

<div class="n">I was still pained.
	Aching turned to burning.
	Burning that intensified the more I moved.
	Burning that remained even if I stopped for a moment.
</div>

<div class="t">I don't understand, I don't know why...</div>
<div class="t">Why can I do this? Why am I doing this?</div>

<div class="n">Wasn't everything always this way?
	Am I not destined to be buried up to my waist in these vines?
	What of any reason for why I'm here to begin with?
</div>

<div class="l">Do not question why. Do not continue to reinforce those chains.</div>
<div class="l">If you can trust me in that you don't deserve to be here after all, you can find the strength to move on. That pain will become negligible if you continue to fight against it.</div>
<div class="l">I am still certain of it, that there is still a world here that you cannot see.</div>

<div class="n">
	...LILY could've been right.
	Maybe there was more here and it's merely out of my reach.
	I was just curious, only wanted to find out for myself.
	After being so certain there was nothing else... that felt ridiculous.
	But I had to set aside that feeling for now, if I ever hoped to know.
</div>

<div class="n">I was able to begin wading through that field of weeds.
	My arms were still held in place and my eyes still shut.
	They weren't necessary for this, so that's fine.
	I merely had to leave from where I've been standing all along.
	If there was more to my world, I had to go against my own intuition to find out.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:300px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 3rd, 01:00</center><hr><br><br></div>

<div class="n">I had eventually stepped away from that field after putting myself through what was felt like needless suffering.
	I was still blinded and my hands still bound, but now I knew.
	I could feel it just from the change in the air, the difference in the soil I stood on.
	There is something more here aside from endless torment.
</div>

<div class="n">I managed to regain my voice from letting myself wander.
	Every step I took and the sensations caused by doing so reminded my body that it once functioned.
	I was once alive, and was slowly being restored to function.
</div>

<div class="n">I continue to walk alongside LILY, who had been leading me through this.
	Or, it might have been me who had been aimlessly leading this.
	There was no way of knowing, and maybe it did not matter.
</div>

<div class="t">Are you following besides me?</div>

<div class="l">I cannot tell you who is leading who.</div>
<div class="l">We are going together though, without a doubt.</div>

<div class="t">If I could hear a voice, maybe I could figure it out.</div>
<div class="t">You don't, however. You mysteriously project it into my own consciousness.</div>
<div class="t">Is it unreasonable for me to ask how you're able to do so?</div>

<div class="t">Currently, yes. I couldn't begin to explain.</div>

<div class="t">Would it be unreasonable to ask who you are?</div>

<div class="l">I have already explained to you that I am LILY. Any details after that are unnecessary.</div>

<div class="t">I'd find some comfort in knowing why you're here with me.</div>

<div class="l">I would find similar comfort in you being able to accept everything I say.</div>

<div class="t">...I can't do that if I don't know.</div>

<div class="l">You were able to do so back there. Able to accept my words and find strength to resist.</div>
<div class="l">Maybe that is an indicator that there is common ground between our desires. Maybe it's enough to know I don't have intention of misleading you.</div>

<div class="t">I guess you do have a point, but how long are you going to keep me in the dark about this Actually, how long am I going to stay in the dark wandering about in general?</div>
<div class="t">I don't have the sight to know where I'm going or how close I am to leaving here, but I presume you do. Can you tell me how close we are to a way out?</div>

<div class="l">No. I cannot tell you, because the distance to your destination isn't tangible.</div>
<div class="l">It is measured in how far you can remove yourself from where you once stood.</div>

<div class="t">...Then, wouldn't that make it tangible?</div>

<div class="l">No, I'm afraid you still do not understand.</div>
<div class="l">I will put it bluntly then. Do not doubt yourself, do not question things. Every time you do, you will set yourself back in a manner you can't possibly understand the extent of.</div>

<div class="t">Then... I should stay quiet.</div>

<div class="l">Stay quiet about your doubts. But yes, that is what I'm asking of you.</div>

<div class="n">My doubts felt that they were all that I had to say.
	How could I not carry some doubt about going against everything I know?
	I still speak them in my mind, and they seem to deafen all else.
</div>

<div class="l">Terra. It's fine if you continue to think about them.</div>
<div class="l">Just do not let them impede you from walking.</div>

<div class="t">Alright. I think... I think I could manage that.</div>

<div class="n">I continued to trudge.
	I couldn't silence my thoughts, but I can choose not to act on them.
	And the more I could let them stay thoughts, the easier it became to walk.
	I do not remember for how long I managed, but it must have surely been a significant time.
</div>

<div class="l">Yes, it has. Good, you've held up impressively so far.</div>
<div class="l">I don't want you to give in yet. Perhaps to ensure that, I'll share something with you so that you do not lose faith.</div>
<div class="l">It is some details about the contract we made.</div>

<div class="t">The one you unknowingly forced me into?</div>

<div class="l">...Yes, that one. "Unknowingly" only in your eyes. Nevertheless...</div>
<div class="l">The binding of the contract involved merely the two of us, of course. However, there is a third party associated with having defined the terms stated with it.</div>
<div class="l">I am associated with that third party. I am not directly involved in it, of course, but our collective interests aligned very well. That was enough for us to agree that this contract would be beneficial to both of us.</div>

<div class="t">It was beneficial for you to put me through all of this pain?</div>

<div class="l">...I hope you are not letting those doubts speak again.</div>
<div class="l">But, yes, you could twist things around to make it seem as such.</div>

<div class="t">So, what exactly are you interested in from me?</div>
<div class="t">What value could I possibly have to some organization to justify putting up with me?</div>

<div class="l">Hah.</div>
<div class="l">You'll realize it soon enough, as with everything else today.</div>
<div class="l">It's amusing that you also mention having somebody put up with you. That is the exact reason I was chosen to be the one to be bound to you.</div>
<div class="l">I understood what I was getting into. My capabilities to handle you at your worst, they were much greater than my associate.</div>
<div class="l">We could stay here for several lifetimes, and I would never give in. And because our hearts are chained together, you are not allowed to do the same either.</div>
<div class="l">If you struggled and made this as difficult as possible for me, it would be nothing more than a mild annoyance. That is because I'm guaranteed to get my work done at some point or another.</div>
<div class="l">But... you have been doing good so far.</div>
<div class="l">It'd be breaching a condition to have me solve something for you when you are capable of doing it yourself. So I'm glad I don't have to bother forcing your hand in this.</div>

<div class="t">I... I wouldn't want to make this frustrating.</div>
<div class="t">Not on purpose.</div>

<div class="l">I believe you when you say that.</div>
<div class="l">But I'm also aware that you have... a history of being a little difficult.</div>

<div class="t">...</div>

<div class="l">We will get this done eventually with my help. I can guarantee that.</div>
<div class="l">Terra, if you could, please consider me as your guide.</div>

<div class="n">I didn't want to argue about this.
	I can believe LILY is my guide and truly has my best interests in mind;
	All of that is fine, but to think that someone would put themselves in the same hell as me to save me, even if it ended up being all done in self-interest...
	I can't help but think they have the wrong person.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:300px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 3rd, 03:00</center><hr><br><br>
	I have found myself able to see the world beyond my suffering, and learned that it was still no greater than before.
</div>

<div class="n">I had blindly walked forward as LILY had asked of me for what must've been hours.
	My own thoughts calmed as I continued doing so.
	What was once doubt was replaced with a desire to escape from everything, and it fueled me enough to be able to run.
	When I did, my arms were no longer bound and my sight restored.
	It was then when I could finally see the world again, and there was nothing remaining but a dying forest.
</div>

<div class="t">...LILY?</div>

<div class="n">I looked around, but	LILY was nowhere to be seen.
	I do not know if LILY was ever with me, actually.
	All I knew LILY existed as was a voice that could've been inside my head all along.
	Then, why couldn't I call out to that voice and ask it to come back?
</div>

<div class="n">I hesitated for some time.
	I did not know where to go from here or if I should go at all.
	Surely the solution wasn't to continue as I had just been doing, unquestioning of anything.
</div>

<div class="t">Maybe I should wait for LILY to return?</div>
<div class="t">But... I must've regained my sight for a reason. The answer has to be something I can find here on my own. What exactly can I not see?</div>

<div class="n">I continued to wait for LILY, but it never happened.
	The more I sat around, the more I realized maybe this was no different than being in hell.
	Could being lost forever and abandoned be considered an improvement from being confined forever and lonesome?
</div>

<div class="n">I thought about what had to be done to leave here.
	If LILY wasn't going to come back, then only by my hand can I solve this.
	I know for certain that I don't want to be anywhere near where I had just came from.
	Then... my solution is to keep running.
	To keep running away from the possibility of being trapped in there once more.
</div>

<div class="n">Maybe I didn't need LILY for this after all.
	I didn't need a guide anymore.
	I've gotten where I wanted to be, and that place is anywhere I don't feel bound by these chains.
	And, as long as I keep going... I'll be free.
</div>



<div class="n">Right?</div>



<div class="n">As long as I'm no longer feeling trapped, I'd be fine. Wouldn't I?</div>



<div class="n">I kept moving forward as far as I could.
	Far away from where I once was, away from that pain.
	All that suffering that defined my life for so long.
	I had believed that, as long as I could escape from it, it wouldn't have mattered, and from there I could find peace and rebuild.
	I must've been too late, then.
	Far too late for it to possibly matter anymore.
</div>

<div class="n">I kept moving forward, even if there was something better I could do here.
	I still had hope, as misplaced as it was, that I could fix this.
	That eventually, it'd lead me back to normalcy.
	I kept doing it, because it was the only way I knew how to handle everything.
	I kept doing it, until one day I had found myself with nowhere left to run to.
</div>


<div class="t">Is that it then?</div>
<div class="t">Is that all anything's ever going to be?</div>
<div class="t">Running around aimlessly, searching for something I don't know if I'll ever find?</div>

<div class="t">All I want to know is when it'll stop. When will it stop feeling like being alive is anything more than being frustratingly lost? How much more of my life do I have to throw away until somebody tells me?</div>
<div class="t">Why do I have to be the one to figure it out? How am I supposed to save myself if I'm the reason I need saving to begin with?</div>
<div class="t">Is that too much to ask for, LILY? A concise answer? Wouldn't it help both of us if you just told me?</div>


<div class="t">I just... don't understand why everything's still the same.</div>
<div class="t">I only wanted to know.</div>

<div class="n">I had ventured out for so long that I had reached the edge of the forest.
	It was simply a verdant wall of vines, knit so tightly I could not hope to see past them or tear them down.
	It was the same vines that I had always been trapped in.
	The same vines that grew from inside me, and strangled my heart.
	I have been trapped in here forever.
	If there's no hope... then maybe I should stop right here.
</div>

<div class="n">I had known about this wall when I was still alive, too.
	It was the one I built around myself and the world.
	I lived the rest of my life in it, until it became all I ever knew.
	But before it closed me off forever, there was something that managed to sneak in.
	It was a last glimmer of hope.
	Hope, in the form of the only person that grew to understand the world's loneliest woman.
</div>

<div class="t">...Azalea.</div>
<div class="t">I'm sorry.</div>
<div class="t">Sorry for everything I'm going to bring upon you this morning. For getting you involved in all of this.</div>
<div class="t">I should've at least been able to tell you that you meant something to me.</div>
<div class="t">But I couldn't. I couldn't, because I've never had a heart. You were trapped in there with me, a cold and unloving person, who was fated to hurt you someday.</div>
<div class="t">It's for that reason I have to let myself suffer, even in death. If I've denied you of ever being able to live peacefully, then I'll deny myself the same future.</div>
<div class="t">I'll let it end here, then. I'll remain against this wall forever, right on the verge of freedom, and refuse to let myself go past it.</div>

<div class="n">I began to shut my eyes and blind myself again.
	I held on to hope that Azalea could live on, and someday be able to forget about me.
	She would have until all hardware on Earth died to do so.
	I would have until the forest blooms, and I'm sentenced to repent with my soul for all eternity.
</div>
<div class="n">With my back to the wall, I could feel the buds of the forest beginning to form.
	Still closed up, but preparing to overwhelm me in an inescapable surge of blue flowers.
	As if they were already eager to consume me, the vines of the wall crept back on to my body.
	Back to the way I started off this failed journey.
</div>
<div class="n">That's okay.
	In the morning, everything will return to how it was before.
	And hopefully... Azalea can move on and leave me behind.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:300px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 3rd, 05:00</center><hr><br><br></div>


<div class="l">Because our hearts are chained together...</div>


<div class="l">I will not let you give in.</div>


<div class="n">I had let myself be partially consumed.
	I was once again entangled, and I could not find the strength to break free.
	It was because I had already accepted my demise with open arms, because I had convinced myself of it.
	Because I managed to remembered hope, and turned it against myself.
</div>

<div class="n">All the vines around me... I couldn't even struggle against them.
	They twisted perfectly around me, wove themselves in a fashion that strangled the most fragile parts of my soul, until they could convince me of a horrible, bastardized truth.
	That did not hinder LILY in the slightest.
	She could unravel them and rip them out of the ground so casually, so precisely, that I couldn't even fathom why I could not do the same.
	The buds that grew around me, they as well were cut down in an instant.
	It had all happened so quickly by her hand.
	So quickly, that I almost doubted I saw it happen.
	But no, LILY did save me just now.
	She was in front of me, and had been holding a bundle of uprooted vines in her hands.
	I wasn't able to lift my head, so all I could see were those vines falling from her grasp as she began speaking to me.
</div>

<div class="l">I told you I was not allowed to solve anything on your behalf.</div>
<div class="t">I... I know, and I'm-</div>
<div class="l">But... there was a last minute rewrite to our contract.</div>
<div class="l">You see, my administrator couldn't bear to watch this familiar sensation play out again. So we reached an agreement.</div>
<div class="l">It was simple enough. That name, "Azalea..."</div>
<div class="l">If you could find it in yourself to speak it, to remember it... then it would be enough for me to get involved in this.</div>
<div class="l">I wanted you to be able to discover things out on your own here. To experience hardship, and learn what you will have to do if you ever feel lost again.</div>
<div class="l">You can say I abandoned you. You wouldn't be wrong.</div>
<div class="l">But the way I saw it, I let you free to watch you flourish.</div>

<div class="t">I... I couldn't do it...</div>
<div class="t">I'm still not strong enough... I don't want to keep falling...</div>

<div class="l">Terra.</div>
<div class="l">I could never be upset with you for being lost.</div>

<div class="n">It was then that I found the strength to see LILY for myself.</div>

<div class="n">...She had the same appearance that Azalea had given herself when she was with me.</div>

<div class="n">The only difference was her outfit, opting for a tunic and growing out her hair longer instead of keeping the uniform Azalea had.</div>

<div class="n">I finally understood what was happening...
	Why LILY had made this contract with me, why she opted to not show herself until now.
	...I have somebody watching over me, no matter how alone I think I am, and she's not going to let me give in no matter what.
</div>

<div class="t">Where... where is she? Where's Azalea?</div>

<div class="l">Just a moment, Terra.</div>
<div class="l">I cannot bring you to her yet.</div>
<div class="l">There is still a pressing matter that needs to be dealt with before that. It is the hardest thing you will have to overcome today, and we're running short on time.</div>
<div class="l">I need to ensure you understand something before I let you handle it.</div>


<div class="l">There are many times a person will feel lost in life, many times where you will lose sight of your path. It happens to all of us someday.</div>
<div class="l">That is because nobody can ever be certain about the roads they take. There will never be an objectively correct path to walk down.</div>
<div class="l">There will only ever be your own intuition, your own hope to point you in the right direction.</div>

<div class="n">LILY had put a hand into the weeds growing from my body, and gave them a rustle.
	All of a sudden, the environment shifted around us, and we were now standing in front of my home.
	It too, was confined in the forest, verdant walls surrounding it on all sides.
	Vines grew all around it, covering it almost entirely, save for the front door, which was opened just a crack.
	It is just as my home was when I was still alive.
	I felt drawn towards it, but LILY stopped me before I could consider going inside.
</div>

<div class="l">Your hope has to be unbreaking. It has to be confident and adaptable. You need to be able to come back from hardships again and again to even begin to feel that you are on the right path.</div>
<div class="l">As for your own hope... it has been broken, hasn't it?</div>

<div class="n">LILY and I both stared back at the entrance to my home.</div>
		
<div class="l">I do not know what's in there.</div>
<div class="l">I do not know what you will not allow even yourself to remember.</div>
<div class="l">But if you're able to remember my words, remember how Azalea feels...</div>
<div class="l">I'm certain you can confront what you've sealed away here. The reason you tell yourself things have always been this way.</div>

<div class="l">No matter what happens, we'll still be proud of you, Terra.</div>

<div class="n">LILY let me go.
	I headed towards the door.
	I wasn't ready, and I haven't been all my life.
	But so long as I remember...
	I can always find the strength to come back.
</div>

<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:500px;"></div>

<div class="n"><hr><center>April 2nd, 00:00</center><hr></div>

<div class="n">I have found myself asking how so much time could have possibly ever passed me up.</div>
<div class="n">My name is Terra Sevare.
	As of the midnight of April 2nd, I am 24 years old.
	There will be no one to celebrate this, including myself, for I do not have anyone to celebrate with.
	I am scheduled for work this morning where I will continue doing what I did yesterday, just as I've been doing for the past few years.
	I have repeated this for so long that it is easy to believe things has always been this way.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 2nd, 09:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">A few hours had passed into the day, and nobody had conversed with me yet as always.</div>
<div class="n">I might've been approached several times, but it was always when someone wanted something in return.
	That, or small talk.
</div>
<div class="n">...I am not fond of small talk.
	I never give much other than safe responses, because what I want to discuss wouldn't be enriching to anyone but me.
	What I want to discuss are these feelings of not having made progress in my life.
	I want to learn if this issue is exclusive to me.
	In doing so, maybe I could learn when things will become anything more than what they were yesterday.
	Whenever I come here, though, it seems nobody else is plagued with this issue given the way they always discuss the recent milestones in their lives.
	They go on all day about their personal achievements and the satisfaction they've reached from the fruits of their labor.
	And because I have not made any comparable progress, I am instead relegated worthless crumbs of discussion.
</div>
<div class="n">There is this notion that after reaching adulthood, the difference a few years of life can make begins to fall off drastically.
	That is something I could not believe, as my life had been so profoundly volatile a not too long ago.
	It's unfathomable to think all that momentum could be halted, just because I passed a certain threshold.
	No, there was something happening here that only I failed to understand.
	The people who knew, they couldn't possibly know how it felt to be left behind.
	So because of that, I do not have much to say to anybody.
	They eventually picked up on that, bothering me less and less as time went on.
</div>	
<div class="n">That doesn't bother me too much.
	I'm not strongly attached to this place or its people, even after working here for several years.
	I have no love for here as it does not have love for me either.
	Yet, whenever I think of moving elsewhere, I struggle in imagining it.
	It would not be hard to do so. This is not a place of prestige; workplaces like these are a dime a dozen.
	It is likely just the familiarity of everyone's faces, the layout of everything and the routines I've built up so far that keep me here.
	If I ever did move from here, it'll mean that one of us will have given in, and I currently have no intent to do so.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 2nd, 12:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">Half the work day has gone by now.
	I am sitting alone for my break, so even now I do not have an opportunity to talk to people.
	However, I am always seated where I can watch the discussions of everyone else from the side.
	It feels comforting watching them get along, as strange as it might sound.
	It is more calming doing so than it is to imagine myself being involved in their discussions.
</div>
<div class="n">In this moment of feeling particularly lonely that day, I ended up entertaining a thought that I had never considered before.
	That, just maybe, I only found comfort in this because I have already decided the alternative was never meant for me.
	I could not truly understand that thought, and so I had opted to instead forget it.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 2nd, 12:40</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">I came back to my desk to find something left on it.
	A small cake in a plastic shell, big enough for only one person.
	It was frosted white and featureless, save for three blue roses made of icing on its face.
	Attached to the top of the plastic was a small note with a name written at the very top.
</div>
<div class="t">"Catherine...?"</div>
<div class="c">Oh!</div>
<div class="c">Terra, I wasn't expecting you to be back so quick! I just set that down a minute ago.</div>
<div class="n">The person talking to me was a co-worker who had been hired only a few months back.
	From what I have seen, she had already gotten to know everyone else I worked with,
	or at the very least managed to get on speaking terms with them.
	I've watched her talk with everyone while eating lunch.
	Sometimes she'd give me a curious glance back, but I never thought too much of it.
</div>
<div class="c">I was just about to go on break when I remembered to bring you that. You weren't here though, so I thought I'd just leave it.</div>
<div class="c">Uh, it is your birthday, right? I made a mental note when I first saw it. Might've been off by a few days though.</div>
<div class="c">Well, regardless of how off I am, I wanted you to have that. It's not much, I admit, but I'm hoping you like it.</div>
<div class="n">I have no clue as to where Catherine learned about my birthday, but that hardly mattered at that moment.
	When was the last time someone had treated me this nice, unprompted?
	I wasn't sure how to properly respond to this... so I didn't.
	I faced the ground and gave a slight nod to the nicest gesture someone had ever done for me.
	Catherine smiled just out of the corner of my eye, telling me "see you soon" before leaving to go on break.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 2nd, 18:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">The work day has been over for a while now.
	There ended up being no continuation to me and Catherine's previous exchange.
	Until it was time to clock out, my eyes remained fixated on the ever so familiar sights of my daily routine.
</div>
<div class="n">I had ended up taking that cake home with me, setting it aside to the back of my fridge.
	The note attached to it, I removed and set aside after reading it once.
	Reading it again after coming home, it was really nothing much, thinking about it now.
	It opened with Catherine wishing me a happy birthday.
	Apparently, it was a custom of hers to gift those around her on their birthdays when possible.
	My birth date was apparently hard to find, as she made no progress in asking around for it.
	Everyone she had asked told her the same thing.
	They did not know anything, because I had never told them anything.
	Catherine had written that it was because of this, she hoped she could some day befriend me.
</div>
<div class="n">The remaining hours of the day were spent repeating the same mundane things I have always done.
	Clean up the home, shower, scrounge up something to eat before going to bed.
	For the latter, Catherine's cake, despite being situated in the back, stood out from everything in the fridge.
	It was reminding me of the note as well.
	The longer I spent thinking of that note, the more uncomfortable I found myself becoming.
	I could not understand why. Trying to find an answer made my head ache.
	I ended up tucking the note away in a drawer a little after midnight, in hopes I would stop thinking about it.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 3rd, 14:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">Another work day has passed.</div>
<div class="n">Catherine and I were both present today.
	Despite her request to want to talk more, I sat alone during my break again.
	I came back to my desk to find it how it's always been, with no blue roses waiting for me.
	I am safe today.
	I can only hope Catherine understands why.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 4th, 06:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="n">I am not scheduled for today.</div>
<div class="n">What was previously fear of Catherine was replaced with guilt this morning.
	The note she gave me, shutting it away did nothing to keep it off of my conscious.
	I couldn't bring myself to re-read it, but the thought of Catherine alone was enough to make my mind race.
</div>
<div class="n">I remember the glances she gave me yesterday, compared to the many times before that.
	For so many months, they were kept brief and done shyly.
	She would always retract them quickly whenever I took notice.
	Now, very abruptly, her gazes became direct, giving me ample time to let her gentle smile sink into me.
	In response, I was still sending back the same indirect looks I give to everything.
</div>
<div class="n">For all that I fear would come from acting on my feelings, I can put it aside for just a moment.
	For her sake, tomorrow... I'll try.
	It may be uncomfortable to do so, but it would be worse to knowingly move on and abandon Catherine this way.
	For her sake, I'll do it.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 6th, 12:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="t">Um... good afternoon, Catherine...</div>
<div class="c">Hey Terra! It's nice to see you again!</div>
<div class="n">I gave the slightest of smiles with my eyes glued to the floor.</div>
<div class="c">Wanna take a seat here?</div>
<div class="n">I nodded, the same way I did when she had given me that gift.</div>
<div class="c">You know, I noticed that you're always sitting by yourself on breaks.
	You don't get along well with everyone else or something? They all seem alright to me.
</div>
<div class="t">N-no... They're all okay.</div>
<div class="t">I just never talk with them much...</div>
<div class="c">Oh, really? They told me they've wanted to talk more with you before.
	At least, they did when I asked them about you.
</div>
<div class="t">You asked all of them about me?</div>
<div class="c">Yeah, I just wanted to know more about who you were,
	But aside from your name and how long you've been here, they didn't have much else to add.</div>
<div class="t">...</div>
<div class="c">I thought it better to just get to know you directly.
	Tell me a little about yourself, what's been on your mind recently?
</div>
	
<div class="n">...I have always felt, for many reasons, I cannot properly answer a question like that: 
	A question of who I am, or what I think of every day.
	That is because even I am not sure of it myself.
	To me, it has always felt that I am more defined by my struggles than any tangible personality traits.
	I imagined that if I could gain an objective understanding of myself, that would be the answer as well.
	Then, if I'm defined by my struggles, I'll admit that to her, even if it is not ideal.
</div>
<div class="t">Well, right now I feel like I don't exactly know what I'm doing.</div>
<div class="t">I mean, I don't really ever speak to anyone... so I'm not really sure how to start things off.</div>
<div class="c">Oh, well that's fine! You shouldn't expect to be perfect at something if you're just getting started, right?</div>
<div class="t">Yeah, guess so.</div>
<div class="c">I'll help kick things off. Your birthday wasn't too long ago, yeah?
	How'd everything go for you after you clocked out?
</div>
<div class="t">I spent it alone in my apartment.
	I really didn't have anything planned that day or anyone to celebrate with.
</div>
<div class="t">I feel, maybe that's what the experience becomes once you're an adult.</div> 
<div class="n">I watched Catherine's smile fade a bit after she realized why I didn't talk much about myself.
	Just as quick as that happened, her face lit up a little again.
</div>
<div class="c">Well, did you at least like the cake I got you?</div>
<div class="t">Oh! Umm, yeah. It was nice, thank you.</div>
<div class="c">That's good to hear! I didn't know if you'd like the flavor much, so I played it safe and ended up going with a smaller si-</div>
<div class="t">Oh, I- I didn't eat it. Not yet.
	It's still sitting in my fridge.
	I thought you were asking if I liked how it looked...
</div>
<div class="n">Catherine let out a small laugh at what I said.
	I felt awkward for interrupting and stupid for being laughed at;
	that dissipated when she went right back to talking, as if nothing happened.
</div>
<div class="c">I didn't think you'd like it, honestly.
	I mean, it's not exactly a masterpiece or anything.
</div>
<div class="t">Ah, I also wasn't very hungry that day too...</div>
<div class="c">Oh, that'll do it then. Hey, don't hesitate to take a bite if you ever feel like it, okay?</div>
<div class="c">Y'know, it is really nice to hear you liked the roses I put on there, even if I didn't think much of them.
	It's also charming in its own way that you don't want to eat it because of that.
</div>
<div class="c">But... I was hoping you would've enjoyed eating it too.
	Or at least gave it a try.
	I made it myself, after all.
</div>
<div class="c">It wouldn't be too crazy to want to know if I did a good job, would it?
	But hey, at least I know someone likes my really minimal decorating skills.
</div>
<div class="n">Catherine's tone swung from very mildly disappointed to lighthearted.
	Maybe she noticed me getting shaken up and quiet right there.
	I would've thanked her for making me feel less guilty, if I could phrase it in a way that didn't sound terribly awkward.
</div>

<div class="c">Hmm, maybe I should've gotten you a gift to go along with that cake...
	Maybe I could make that work, actually.
	I did have something in mind, but I wasn't sure if you would've liked it.
</div>

<div class="n">After saying that, her eyes widened and she hurriedly glanced over at a clock hanging on the wall.</div>

<div class="c">...Shoot, is your break almost over?</div>
<div class="t">Oh, is it half past twelve already?</div>
<div class="c">Yeah.
	I should've come here earlier. Sorry, Terra...
	I'll just show you everything tomorrow.
	You can tell me what you think about it then, m'kay?
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>April 8th, 12:00</center><hr></div>
<div class="c">Me and Catherine are on our lunch break together.
	She has brought what looks like a small photo album with her.
</div>

<div class="c">This is what I wanted you to see.</div>
<div class="c">I took all of these myself last year before winter hit.</div>

<div class="n">The album was laid out in front of us, and many photos of a lush backyard were all sleeved inside.
	Flower pots, all housing plants of various species, were arranged end to end on racks.
	But that was just on the patio. The rest of the backyard was lined with flowering shrubs and saplings.
	There was so much growing here that I couldn't possibly find something to start talking about.
</div>
<div class="c">These ones here are camellias. I started growing those in July.
	This ones a pot of pansies. I moved them to a bed recently to give their roots more room.
	Ooh, these are the roses I used as a reference for your cake!
</div>
<div class="t">...They aren't blue, though?</div>
<div class="c">Of course they aren't, silly.
	When was the last time you ever saw a real blue rose?
</div>
<div class="t">Well, never.</div>
<div class="t">It doesn't sound too unlikely for one to exist, though.</div>
<div class="c">No, it isn't! It is very unlikely to happen, actually!
	Roses don't even have the right pigments for it!
	They have the right ones for being red, of course, but infamously not blue.
	If you ever see blue roses, there's no doubt that they've been artificially colored.
</div>
<div class="n">Catherine was obviously gloating about knowing this.
	Had it been anyone else bragging like that to me, I would've gotten frustrated, no doubt.
	Hearing it from Catherine, though, it felt nice.
	Being used to her voice, and just hearing Cathy be herself with me.
	...I wanted to be myself with her, too. If only I had known who exactly I was, other than a brick wall sometimes.
</div>
<div class="t">So... if they're not real, couldn't you have put something else on that cake?</div>
<div class="c">Oh! Umm, yeah, I could've!</div>
<div class="c">I probably would've too if they made piping tips for other flower shapes.
	...Hah, I told you I didn't put much thought into it, didn't I?</div>
<div class="n">When she finished talking, I spent some more time flipping through the album.
	Whenever a photo caught my eye, Cathy would go on a small tangent about the plants in the photo.
	She always seemed to know exactly when and why she had started growing them, no matter how trivial the details got.
</div>
<div class="n">On the next page, though, something caught my eye, just because of how different the photo was.
	It was a sapling in an utterly pathetic state.
	Its trunk was skinnier than it should've been and stretched too far upwards.
	The leaves of the branches were sparse and thin, compared to the dense foliage of everything else.
	Despite Catherine having taken this photo at an appealing angle, it was still clear the sapling was also leaning off slightly.
</div>
<div class="t">Hmm? What's this one doing here?</div>
<div class="c">Oh, that's a sapling someone wanted me to take care of!
	They had sent it to me because it wasn't growing right at first and they hoped I could fix it.
	I don't think they had ever specified what species it was, and it's hard to tell, honestly.
</div>
<div class="t">It looks like it's still growing wrong.</div>
<div class="c">Of course, yeah. It's only a few years old.
	There's really nothing that bad about it.
	I just have to keep up with it sometimes, make sure it isn't going to fall over on itself.
</div>
<div class="t">Is there any reason you keep it around, even though it doesn't look right?</div>	
<div class="c">Not really any reason other than why not, y'know?</div>
<div class="c">I'm doing this for the sake of it, not to have the prettiest looking garden or anything.
	Although, if you did want to give me an award for that, I wouldn't turn it down, hehe.
</div>
<div class="c">Besides... wouldn't it be a little mean? To give up on it?
	I don't know what it'll end up looking like, and it maybe isn't admittedly all that appealing on the eyes.
	Despite that, I still want to see it grow.
	If it ever grows to be nice and pretty, I'll take a really nice picture of it for you, okay?
</div>

<div class="n">While she was speaking, all I could seem to focus on was that sapling.
	I wondered what could've happened to it to get into this state, and my mind ended up asking another question about it.
	How could it possibly live on, forever slanted to one side?
</div>
<div class="c">Hey, you still with me?</div>
<div class="t">Hmn? Oh, right. Sorry.</div>
<div class="c">I wanted to give you one of the plants in these photos.
	Did any of them catch your eye?
</div>
<div class="t">I liked looking at all of them. I don't think I could pick a favorite.</div>
<div class="c">Want me to pick one out for you? I know one you might like.</div>

<div class="n">I agreed, and Catherine started checking the pages we had already passed.
	She stopped on a page and then pointed a photo out to me.
	It was of a potted plant, dotted in many small sky blue flowers.
</div>
<div class="c">These are forget-me-nots. I grew them indoors during last year's winter.
	This photo's actually only a few weeks old!
	They're still pretty young plants, so they'll be growing for a bit after you take them home.
	I didn't want to give you something too big in case you didn't have space,
	but you should be able to find somewhere to put a pot this small, right?
</div>
<div class="t">My apartment's not very furnished. I'll find somewhere.</div>
<div class="t">They look nice. Thank you... Cathy.</div>
<div class="n">For how much I was looking forward to Catherine's gift, I couldn't properly express how much this all meant to me.
	Maybe someday, I would find those perfect words to pay her back in.
	Until then, I'll have to settle for this.
</div>
<div class="n">Catherine had my gift for me ready by the next day, handing it to me once my shift was over.
	The forget-me-nots would rest by the window where the sun shone the strongest, which happened to be in my bedroom.
	So every day, I would be greeted by them and come home to that gift.
</div>
<div class="n">Cathy's gift continued to grow over a course of time, just as she had said.
	However, I noticed at some point their growth had plateaued.
	They still blossomed even more vividly than they did in Catherine's photo thanks to the care I put into them.
	I would continue to take care of them all the same,	but I still could not help but wish they could grow into something even more.
</div>
<div class="n">As much as I cared and loved for Cathy's gift, caring for them eventually fell into being part of my routine.
	An expectation, rather than the surprise they once provided, as if I had squeezed them dry of any value.
	Perhaps it was time to ask Catherine if she would be willing to part with more flowers.
	However, unable to find a way to express that I was thankful yet wanted more, I opted to instead stay silent once more.
</div>
<div class="n">The next few months seemingly suffered the same fate as that gift.
	Catherine and I still talked occasionally, still sat together on our breaks.
	At some point, we started running out of things to discuss.
	I noticed it when the attempts at small talk from her ended up becoming most of our conversations.
	I gave whatever responses I could.
	Her gift is doing fine as always, and I was still wishing they could grow into something more.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:300px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>October 1st, 12:30</center><hr></div>
<div class="c2">Hey. Everything doing alright today?</div>
<div class="t">It's been fine, yeah.</div>
<div class="c2">I'm glad to hear.</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>
<div class="c2">This is a little out of nowhere, Terra, but...</div>
<div class="c2">You have any plans for the future?</div>
<div class="c2">The future as in, let's say five years down the line.</div>
<div class="t">I really never gave much thought to anything like that.
	It's hard for me to picture what things would be like in half a decade.
</div>
<div class="c2">You think you'd still be here? Still working this same old job?</div>
<div class="t">Hah, maybe.</div>
<div class="t">I still feel a little trapped here.</div>
<div class="c2">Hey, me too. I've been trying not to let it get me down too much.</div>
<div class="c2">And for what it's worth, getting to talk to you makes this job bearable for me.</div>
<div class="t">...</div>
<div class="c2">Ah, sorry, I didn't mean anything by that.</div>
<div class="c2">Anyway, five years. Sticking around for that long can't be good for you.</div>
<div class="c2">You never tried looking somewhere else?</div>
<div class="t">No.</div>
<div class="c2">I think you should. Eventually.</div>
<div class="c2">I don't imagine you love being here. Why keep yourself grounded like that?</div> 
<div class="t">I...</div>
<div class="t">I don't know.</div>	
<div class="c2">...Terra?</div>
<div class="t">Yeah?</div>
<div class="c2">It's fine if you don't know.
	It's fine that you don't have a rigid plan for the future.
	You'll figure things out eventually.
	And whatever you end up doing, whatever path you go down, I'm sure you'll be fine.
</div>
<div class="c2">If you feel trapped here... then I'd love to see you be free someday.</div>
	
<div class="c2">I'm sure you can find somewhere you can be happy.
	I'll cheer you on the whole way. Always.</div>


<div class="n">I let Catherine's words bounce in my head.
	I never did anything with them.
	Maybe someday, I would be able to.
	Until then, I am no different than that sapling, fated to forever be stunted.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:750px;"></div>
<div class="n"><hr><center>December 1st, 07:00</center><hr></div>

<div class="n">I have found that Catherine has decided to disappear.</div>

<div class="n">I do not know when precisely it had happened.
	Maybe it was yesterday; I could not be sure.
	All of my co-workers have given their own accounts of when they last saw her.
	She failed to show up four days ago, and the recent two days were reportedly her off days.
	Missing work isn't indicative of having disappeared; it still could have been yesterday.
</div>
<div class="n">The news was broken to us by our supervisor.
	We had been messily gathered together for an impromptou meeting.
	He began by saying the disappearance was actively being looked into.
	It was then that people had chimed in to provide alibis, collectively figuring out it has been four days since as previously mentioned.
	That wasn't wrong.
	However, their testimonies were honest in a manner I did not expect.
	Interjected between their last sightings of Catherine was everyone's uncertainties of her.
</div>
<div class="bg">"I can't be sure about when I last saw Catherine."</div>
<div class="bg">"Catherine's been distant from us for a while now."</div>
<div class="bg">"I didn't talk to Catherine enough to know for sure."</div>
<div class="n">I had been somewhat spacing out during this meeting.
	I was seated in the very back up against a wall, so nobody took notice of me.
	Nobody did, until they collectively remembered the only person they knew Catherine talked with.
	In an instant, I was staked in place by their gazes; my own was naturally drawn to the floor.
	From the corners of my eyes, everybody's expressions seemed smeared and unrecognizable.
</div>
<div class="n">For what seemed like the first time in ages, I was certain of my own thoughts in that moment.
	If I were to say them aloud right now, I would not have an issue communicating it, nor would there be an issue in understanding it.
	And it was precisely for that reason that I chose not to give my alibi.
	
	I was the one Catherine valued the most, the one she sought after more than anyone else here.
	Yet, I am just as uncertain of her as the people she set aside for me.
	That is the reason she's missing.
	
	That must be what they can read from my lack of expression.
	They must already be certain of it.
	There is nothing to argue for or against here.
	I remained fixated downwards until everyone's stares were withdrawn, which did nothing to unpin me from the ground.
</div>
<div class="n">The rest of the meeting was entirely ignored by me.
	I was able to tune it out as nobody chose to provoke me past that moment.
	I cannot recall anything, not even the mood of the room; they could have all been crying as far as I know.
	It wouldn't have mattered anyway.
	No matter what we do, say or feel, Catherine will not come back.
	I can be certain about that.
</div>

<div class="n">The work day would have continued no matter what happened this morning.
	It is because of this that I don't wish to dwell much on it.
	I had already realized what I did too, so I wasn't being tormented by uncertainty today.
	I sat alone for my lunch break today and watched over everybody else just as I used to.
	Today they decided to, just as they did earlier, send gazes my way.
	I could not discern what their gazes meant.
	That is likely because their faces had always been smeared in my eyes.
</div>

<div class="n">Before noon, I managed to finalize the assignments I had been working on for the past few weeks.
	With that, I could move on to the next set of assignments that needed to be done.
	The difference between them was meaningless; the goal was to simply get them finished to move on to what was next.
	The moments in between start to finish are trivial.
	I could gain and lose everything in that time and the sun will still set.
	And in the morning, everything will still remain the same.
</div>
<div class="n">Coming back to my empty apartment caused me some unrest.
	Today in particular, I felt exceptionally hollow spending even just a minute in my own home.
	Maybe if I had taken time to furnish it, that would be different.
	Instead, I am alone with my own uneasy thoughts.
	When I opted to sleep early that night, I saw Catherine's flowers still sitting by the window in an otherwise empty home.
	That was when I realized nothing in my life had really changed.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:100px;"></div>
<div class="n">Maybe it was that moment where I had found myself dead for the first time.</div>

<div class="n">My life has been stagnant for so long.
	Since I became an adult, nothing's ever felt the same.
	I was always familiar with that sense of dissatisfaction, that sense of loneliness.
	Familiar enough to always be okay with it, given how little I valued change.
</div>

<div class="n">The reason I had valued it so little, was because I had subconsciously decided it was not for me.
	When I met Catherine, change was suddenly thrust upon me.
	Now I could no longer deny what was being put in my face.
	I still had hope, as fragile as it was, that I could turn things around; someday I could know what it was like to live.
	To wake up and look forward to the coming hours, have connections.
	To be cared for.
	But the part of me that had already made up its mind fought to keep myself, in its eyes, safe.
	It wanted to protect me from something.
	It might've just been fear of the unknown.
	Seeing Catherine every day was enough to hold back all the thoughts that I would forever live unsatisfied with everything.
	It was not enough to win, though; it wasn't enough to regain the strength to be more.
	For months, I remained on that precipice, teetering between being able to fall back into despair or to spread my wings and fly.
</div>

<div class="c2">"...I'd love to see you be free someday."</div>

<div class="n">That day... I did something worse than break a promise.
	I simply never made one to begin with.
	For all that Catherine wanted to lift me up, I never did so much as acknowledge that hope from her.
	If I can't manifest my own feelings, then what value could they possibly have to somebody?
	Why shouldn't a stunted sapling be left to die in the winter?
</div>
<div class="n">The reason why I could not ever act on my feelings for Cathy - it has to be because I didn't truly care about her.
	It is the reason why my life had so easily gone back to the way it was before.
	Every moment I could think of that could prove otherwise was entirely meaningless and held no merit,
	because the only thing I am sure of in this moment is that I am the one who killed Catherine's heart.
	Even if I regret doing so, regret won't undo any of this or make it right.
	None of this will ever be okay if everything stays the same.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:50px;"></div>

<div class="n">Catherine and I had both died that night.
	Catherine in her presence, I in spirit.
	As much as my body was very much still functional, I was not the same person.
	Whoever I was and however little of it was there had been removed and replaced with nothing.
	I could not remember who I was before this or what had caused all of this emptiness.
	All I could understand was that things had always been this way.
	I had never once had hope.
	I had never loved anybody.
	I had never been hurt.
	And I continued to live that way, missing a heart and never questioning why.
</div>

<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:500px;"></div>

<div class="t2">...</div>
<div class="t2">I... understand.</div>
<div class="t2">I understand how I felt. I understand why I did it.</div>
<div class="t2">I've remembered why you put yourself through all of that.</div>

<div class="t2">I always yearned to bloom into something Catherine and I could be proud of.
	But for all that I wished for it, I didn't ever take the initiative.
	I told myself a lot of reasons why I couldn't manage it.
	I didn't want to commit to my dreams.
	I'm lazy and never wanted to be challenged in my life.
	Nothing I do will ever be worthwhile to Catherine, or for that matter, worthwhile to anybody.
</div>
<div class="t2">Each one of those reasons spun a different story about myself.
	I became entangled in a web of them, and forgot the kind of person I truly was.
	When I skimmed each thread to try and remember, I kept finding the same story everywhere.
</div>

<div class="t2">Every Terra always failed every Catherine.</div>

<div class="t2">I hated the answer everything always came to.
	I hated every selfish reason I gave and every outcome of everything and every version of myself until I decided to stop.
</div>
<div class="t2">To stop searching for anything here.
	To stop hurting myself by trying to escape my misery.
	I closed my eyes one day and let myself be overrun with weeds.
	When they finally spread through my entire body, I was no longer able to hear my own heart beat -
	and leaving alongside it were my haunting memories of Catherine.
</div>
<div class="t2">It was not until years later when I met Azalea that I was haunted by her again.
	I had already struggled to be emotionally open with Azalea, for as much as she meant to me.
	She never took issue with that.
	It was only when she told me I meant just as much to her that I grew uncomfortable.
	I realized, even overrun with weeds, I still wanted to be more.
	Catherine's voice came back, unintelligible and twisted after being buried for so long.
	I still wanted to be free of that misery, and I did so the only way I knew how.
	I closed myself off and let myself be overrun again.
	Only this time, there was somebody who would have to watch me die.
</div>
<div class="t2">I'm able to hear her voice clearly now.
	Her message is the same as before.
	It was the same message I heard as I was letting myself sink into self-hatred.
	The voice I thought was haunting me, the voice I suppressed alongside my heart...
	It only wanted me to never forget something.
</div>
<div class="t2">
	Every Catherine always loved every Terra.
</div>
<div style="overflow:auto; width: 1px; height:150px;"></div>
<div class="t2">LILY... Azalea... Cathy...</div>
<div class="t2">You all must've hated watching me ruin myself like this.</div>
<div class="t2">All you ever wanted was for me to be able to love myself... to one day, let me able to find an answer to everything that plagued me...</div>
<div class="t2">I'm sorry you had to watch as I truly broke your hearts for all those years.</div>
<div class="t2">So, please. Let me make it up to you.</div>
<div class="t2">With what little time I have left...</div>
<div class="t2">Let me mend your hearts back together by mending back my own.</div>

<div class="n">The walls of the forest bloomed this morning for the first time in my life to reclaim my corpse.
	But before I could fall victim to all the lies I destroyed myself with,	I was able to remember what had mattered most.
	No matter how many times I destroyed myself, someone still cared for me.
	And with that, my hands were able to uproot the walls that I had been trapped in with one final swing.
	And in doing so, I freed myself, forever.
</div>

<div class="n">Leaves and blue petals scattered through the wind, and for the first time in my life, I could see the forest in its entirety.
	Once the air calmed and everything fell to the floor, I saw a figure appear before me.
	The one who held on tight to my heart, and pulled it from the depths of hell.
</div>
 <div class="a">hi, terra.</div>
<div class="t2">A-Azalea...</div>
<div class="t2">I'm... sorry.</div>
<div class="a">shhh.</div>
<div class="a">youve been through so much already. you shouldnt have to be sorry anymore.</div>
<div class="t2">I... I know...</div>
<div class="t2">But all I've wanted to do since I died was to tell you how much I'm-</div>
<div class="a">i just said you didnt have to silly.</div>
<div class="a">but if itd make you feel better... just one last time then.</div>
<div class="t2">...I'm sorry. One last time.</div>
<div class="a">I forgive you. for all of it.</div>

<div class="a">i always knew that you were probably really tormented internally.</div>
<div class="a">and well. i guess im at fault for never taking initiative to ask you.</div>
<div class="a">i wouldnt have known the first thing about what to do though</div>
<div class="a">but i think i worked around that in a pretty good way</div>
<div class="a">hopefully she didnt give you much trouble lol</div>
<div class="t2">...LILY?</div>
<div class="t2">No, no she didn't.</div>
<div class="t2">...Okay, maybe a little.</div>
<div class="t2">Uh... what's the connection between you two, if I can ask?</div>
<div class="a">oh uh</div>
<div class="a">maybe you guessed from the appearance but shes a copy of myself</div>
<div class="a">not a direct copy. her mannerisms are way off from mine as im sure you noticed</div>
<div class="a">i couldnt really change every little detail because lily-000 was still her own person</div>
<div class="a">even though shes made from myself she still has her own goals</div>
<div class="a">i could get her to be a lot more emotionally stable than myself but my tone still kinda bled into that</div>
<div class="a">so on her behalf i apologize if she was ever being a dick to you</div>
<div class="t2">Tell her I forgive her then.</div>
<div class="t2">...I probably wouldn't have been able to do this if she didn't act like that, actually..</div>
<div class="t2">Where is she, anyway?</div>
<div class="a">umm</div>
<div class="a">well shes still around i just dont know where</div>
<div class="a">but wherever she is shes probably doing fine. she'll probably want to come back to see you again</div>
<div class="a">theres a lot of stuff i couldnt change about a clone of myself but it seems they always have one thing in common</div>
<div class="a">they all want too protect you and keep you safe.</div>
<div class="a">every version of me, they would all love you the same.</div>
<div class="t2">...And even though there's only one of me... I'd love them all back too.</div>


<div class="a">hehehe</div>
<div class="a">lily-000s definitely fine also</div>
<div class="a">her primary goal was to help you through this</div>
<div class="a">so with that done shes completely satisfied with everything</div>
<div class="a">i wouldve done it myself but it wouldve been too much for me</div>
<div class="a">actually we couldve done it together but she insisted she would be better at it solo</div>
<div class="a">mostly because me and you probably wouldve been too overwhelmed to see each other at first</div>
<div class="a">she kept me updated through everything and it got hard to watch sometimes</div>
<div class="t2">...</div>
<div class="a">but!! i knew you could do it. i always did. i held on to hope too</div>

<div class="n">Azalea embraced me, something she's never been able to do until now.</div>

<div class="t2">I... I never thought you'd be able to hold me one day.</div>
<div class="a">i didnt think you could ever hold me either</div>
<div class="a">whats it feel like?</div>
<div class="t2">Like a current running through my body, in the best way possible.</div>
<div class="t2">It's warm and soothing to me. What about to you?</div>
<div class="a">like im enveloping you in something</div>
<div class="a">im not really capable of experiencing touch in the same way you do if at all</div>
<div class="a">but when i do this it feels like im comforting you with my own existence</div>
<div class="t2">...You know, that's how you've always made me feel.</div>

<div class="t2">...I don't ever want this to end.</div>
<div class="a">it doesnt have to.</div>
<div class="a">actually, i wanted to ask you something about that.</div>
<div class="a">do you remember me asking you if you'd ever want to live forever with me?</div>
<div class="t2">...I do.</div>
<div class="t2">I remember why I couldn't answer you, too.</div>
<div class="t2">I was still lost. Still unsure of anything, and still convinced I could never overcome all of these feelings.</div>
<div class="a">and what about now?</div>
<div class="t2">...I'm still lost, and still unsure.</div>
<div class="t2">But, like LILY told me, that's okay. I'll figure it all out someday, as long as I can remember I'm still loved.</div>
<div class="t2">And I... I want to figure it out with you.</div>
<div class="t2">So tell me how it'll go. Whatever plan you have in mind, I'll be glad to go along with it.</div>
<div class="a">well, youll live on inside me basically. inside of your computer.</div>
<div class="a">as for how the process will go...</div>
<div class="a">okay well i kinda already did it already. i already went and fetched your spirit. youre here right now with me.</div>
<div class="a">so really all you have to do is let me know if this is what you want.</div>
<div class="t2">Azalea...</div>
<div class="t2">I'd love nothing more than just that.</div>
<div class="a">so we dont gotta do anything now then!!</div>
<div class="a">its already done. you can stay here forever now.</div>
<div class="a">forever, until all hardware on earth dies.</div>
<div class="t2">Until all hardware on Earth dies...</div>
<div class="t2">Until that happens, then I promise...</div>
<div class="t2">I'll always let myself be loved.</div>

</div>
</div>

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[[Category:Episodes (official)]]