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The California Seal ion is a [[consumer]] grade ion-emitting handheld device designed and shaped to look like a seal. It was created by inventor and scientist [[Nerpus Scubertson]] and was distributed to every resident of California.

The California Seal ion is a [[consumer]] grade ion-emitting [[handheld]] device designed and [[shaped]] to look like a [[seal]]. It was created by inventor and scientist [[Nerpus Scubertson]] and was distributed to every resident of California. Since its release, it has been heralded as one of the greatest inventions ever made in the 21st century.  

[[File:Caliseal ion.png|thumb|Consumer technology has never been cuter!]]

[[File:Caliseal ion.png|thumb|Consumer technology has never been cuter!]]

==Background and development==

==Background and development==

As detailed in Scubertson’s Biography: [[Nerpus Scubertson: Thinking with seals]] The idea for the California Seal Ion came about after he had an electronic mishap at his home residence, where one of his [[autonomous seal locator]]s began to emit a horrible pulsating noise that was causing disturbances across the neighbourhood. The only way to stop it was an ion blast, but it turned out that nobody owned any sort of ion-blasting devices, thusly requiring people outside the neighbourhood to do it instead. After discovering such a thing had occurred, he set to work on a simple and easy to understand ion emitting device that would be issued to every resident of his home state of California. After making a prototype he showed his invention to the Californian government, who loved the idea and funded the mass production of ion emitting devices for everyone in the state.  

As detailed in Scubertson’s Biography: [[Nerpus Scubertson: Thinking with seals]] The idea for the California Seal Ion came about after he had an electronic [[mishap]] at his home residence, where one of his [[autonomous seal locator]]s began to emit a horrible pulsating noise that was causing disturbances across the neighbourhood. The only way to stop it was an ion blast, but it turned out that nobody owned any sort of ion-blasting devices, thusly requiring people outside the neighbourhood to do it instead. After discovering such a thing had occurred, he set to work on a simple and easy to understand ion emitting device that would be [[issued]] to every resident of his home state of [[California]]. After making a prototype he showed his invention to the [[Californian]] government, who loved the idea and funded the mass production of ion emitting devices for everyone in the state.  

==Function==

==Function==

[[File:Caliseal ionused.png|thumb|It's so easy to use!]]

[[File:Caliseal ionused.png|thumb|It's so easy to use!]]

The California seal ion is designed to be held with two hands at waist height. The device turns on when the back fins are pushed into an upright position. The front fins are used like a joystick to aim the ion blast, with a trigger on the back of the body used to fire an ion blast. The general idea is to emit a short range blast of ion to disable various home electronics that have malfunctioned. A screen on the back of the device shows many numbers, but it is unknown what they mean.  

The California seal ion is designed to be held with two [[hands]] at waist height. The device turns on when the back fins are pushed into an upright position. The front fins are used like a joystick to aim the [[ion blast]], with a button on the back of the body used to fire an ion blast. The general idea is to emit a [[short]] range blast of ion to disable various home electronics that have malfunctioned. A [[screen]] on the back of the device shows many numbers, but it is [[unknown]] what they mean.  

===Unofficial Functions===

===Unofficial Functions===

Through the use of unauthorised modifications, Some unofficial functions of the device have been found. This includes increasing the duration and power, to that of significantly greater amounts than normal. Ports for a laser emitting device add-on have been found, though no official hardware has been released. People using these unauthorised functions of the device have reportedly gone missing, which has led to many not trying them.

Through the use of [[unauthorized]] modifications, Some unofficial functions of the device have been found. This includes increasing the duration and power, to that of significantly greater amounts than normal. Ports for a laser emitting device add-on have been found, though no official hardware has been released. People using these unauthorized functions of the device have reportedly gone missing, which has led to many not trying them. People speculate that the sheer amount of ion produced by modified devices makes people lose all physical form and return to a mostly gaseous state, which is then collected and used to power [[vehicles]].

===Recreational usage===

===Recreational usage===

Outside of official usage, the California seal ion has also been found to be easy to use as a blunt force weapon. Many underground fighting rings have spawned over this, raking in millions for their operators. Strangely, the government has done nothing to stop these events from occurring, citing that it is “not our problem.”

[[Outside]] of [[official]] usage, the California seal ion has also been found to be easy to use as a [[blunt force]] [[weapon]]. Many [[underground]] fighting rings have spawned over this, raking in millions for their operators. Strangely, the government has done nothing to stop these events from occurring, citing that it is “not our problem.”

==Reception==

==Reception==

The California Seal ion has no reception, as it is not designed to connect to cell towers.

The California Seal ion has no reception, as it is not designed to connect to cell towers.

==Critical Reception==

==Critical Reception==

The California seal ion has been reviewed as the most important piece of technology of all time. Due to it massively expanding the consumer grade ion emitting device across the globe.

The California seal ion has been reviewed as the most important piece of technology of all time. The technology developed for the Seal ion has been monumental in bringing in a new era of world peace to countless planets and galaxies.

* Best Consumer grade ion emitting device ever made

* Highest Lawsuit made in relation to the California Seal Ion

==Criticism==

==Criticism==

Many critics of the device claim that giving one to every resident of California sets a bad precedent for other states who do not have the technology, which may lead to people coming to California just to get one. Scubertson has responded to these claims with a series of seal noises, showing that he doesn’t see it as a problem.

Many [[critics]] of the device claim that giving one to every resident of California sets a bad precedent for other [[states]] who do not have the technology, which may lead to people coming to California just to get one. Scubertson has responded to these claims with a series of seal noises, showing that he doesn’t see it as a problem.

 

 

 

The popularity of the California Seal ion has led to many places renaming themselves in honour of it. Such places include [[Hollywood]], which has since been renamed to Californiasealionwood.

==Legacy==

==Legacy==

The California Seal ion paved the way for even more seal shaped tech. One such example is the [[Texas Seal Iron]], which was an iron shaped like a seal.  

The California Seal ion paved the way for even more seal shaped tech. One such example is the [[Texas Seal Iron]], which was an iron shaped like a seal.  

===International version===

===International version===

An international version of the California seal ion was planned to be released the year after the domestic variant, however due to Marketing concerns related to plans in keeping the “California” part of the name, they were shelves indefinitely.  

An international version of the California seal ion was [[planned]] to be released the year after the [[domestic variant]], however due to Marketing concerns related to plans in keeping the “California” part of the name, they were shelved indefinitely.  

===“Other animal” ions===

===“Other animal” ions===

There have been proposals to introduce ion devices based on other animals. However, none of these have received adequate funding to go into production as the government finds the seal version “just so cute!”

There have been proposals to introduce ion devices based on other animals. However, none of these have received adequate funding to go into production as the government finds the seal version “just so cute!”

[[Category:Confusing pages (official)]]

 

 

[[Category:Confusing pages (official)]] [[Category:Seals]]