Asphalt
Asphalt is a material used to make roads. It's the greatest material known to man.
Early life
In its most primordial form, asphalt can easily be confused for de blob, but don't be fooled. de blob is an unloving jokester who lives to deceive and destroy. Asphalt is my sweet summer child who could never do no harm.[1]
Starring roles
Asphalt is everywhere. If you watch a movie that isn't about the past, chances are you're going to see a road. Which means asphalt. And I say that's fantasphaltic.
| Role | Movie | Year |
| Road | Cars | 2006 |
| Road | Cars 2 | 2011 |
| Road | Cars 3 | 2017 |
oh yeah i should mention that part
Asphalt is usually followed by cars, another invasive species that allegedly ruins everything. Hogwash, I say. Without bees we wouldn't have flowers. I saw that in a movie once. And if you love flowers, you love asphalt. What was I talking about again? My monocle needs polishing and my shoes need shining.
Trvia
- If you're walking on a road, thank it. You will get three wishes.
Reasons to keep it
I just said it grants you three wishes, but if I must...
- Asphalt is made of oil, which is awesome. I once saw a puddle of oil once and it had very pretty colors. That means it's awesome.
- Roads are everywhere! Too late to stop now. Waiter, more lanes, please.
- It gets really warm in the summer time. Free heating is what we need. And you can do that by laying on the asphalt. How novel!
Closing remarks
If you're not convinced that asphalt is the greatest material ever yet, it's your ass' fault.
- ↑ except to all the wildlife but as an oil baron that doesn't count to me