Drake

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Drake has died.
“ Geronimooooooo! ”
  — Drake's final words

Aubrey "the Drake" Graham (October 24, 1986 - October 8, 2021) was the type of guy to lose all his money and wear a barrel. He gained nationwide recognition for his songs, which distinctively featured the bassoon and xylophone, as well as his de facto producer tag: "My name is Drake and I'm here to say". His career took a sharp turn, however, when his nemesis recorded a conversation out of context, in which Drake reportedly said that he "hates his fans" and that he thought "bravery and hope is pointless!" It was later revealed that he prefaced each statement with "I don't", but by that point he was already shunned by his village and isolated from his friends.[1]

Drake the type of guy to say "Make sure you get my good side!" when posing for this photograph.

Though Drake had been smeared as a big fat phony, he would continue making music for himself. He would live the rest of his life in episodic misadventures from town to town before ultimately meeting his untimely doom by slipping on a banana peel and falling into a manhole. To this day, his ghost shows up on Halloween to say BOO! at small children, before they laugh at him and make him feel bad for not being scary enough.

Discography

Thoughts

  • Drake the type of guy to say "Drake likey!" and "Drake hate this!"
  • Drake the type of 4-year-old to respond with "No we can't!" while listening to the Bob the Builder theme.
  • Drake the type of rootin' tootin' cowboy to get into a quick draw and squint one of his eyes as he reaches for his gun while that song from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly plays in the background.
  • Drake the type of guy to fall for the oldest trick in the book.
  • Drake the type of guy to die when he is killed.
  • Drake the type of guy to come home from school stomping up the stairs and slamming his door shut as his mom asks him how his day went after getting into drama with his friend group.
  • Drake the type of anthropomorphic cartoon bunny to tug at his ears whenever he's feeling anxious.
  • Drake the type of guy to say "Oh boy! Don't mind if i do!" before chowing down on a cartoonishly large Wiki Camp 2 Premium Deluxe.
  • Drake the type of despicable supervillain to break out into maniacal laughter which gradually devolves into a coughing fit after conjuring up a master plan to defeat their sworn rival once and for all.
  • Drake the type of guy who likes filling his car when he's low on gas.
  • Drake the type of guy to dive into his bank vault when he is rich.
  • Drake the type of chef to stare in suspense after a critic is only able to mutter "this is...this is..." after taking a bite of his avant-garde recipe before sighing in relief when they finally conclude their sentence with "incredible!"
  • Drake the type of guy to hide behind an empty portrait frame and act as if it's a mirror, copying the movements of his pursuer.
  • Drake the type of guy to say he wishes something would happen around here while standing in an empty grass plain.
  • Drake the type of guy to say "Now if I were a remote... where would I be..." when he loses his remote
  • Drake the type of guy to sneakily feed his dog his hearty meal of brussel sprouts and broccoli under the dinner table, only for his parents to say "there's more where that came from!" after noticing his empty plate before giving him an even larger second serving.
  • Drake the type of guy to get into an argument with his friends and yell "some friends you are!" after they lose their trust in him and abandon him at the school playground.
  • Drake the type of guy to break his mom's favorite vase after leaving the living room window open while playing baseball outside.
  • Drake the type of guy to have his voice actor change in the middle of the production of his animated series, which is subsequently acknowledged in-universe by one of the characters noting how his voice sounds different.
  • Drake is the type of coyote to buy products from Acme Corporation to catch a roadrunner.
  • Drake the type of guy who would try to blow the flame off of the fuse of a stick of dynamite.
  • Drake the type of guy who will kneel, pray and recite The Bible after finding himself under a falling grand piano.
  • Drake the type of boy band member to have his autotune break in the middle of a concert, exposing him as a fraud, a fake, and a phony.
  • Drake the type of guy to wish for a perfect life then get trapped in an faux-80s-TGIF family sitcom complete with an excessive laugh track where he then learns that those imperfections he once resented are what made his life interesting.
  • Drake the type of guy to shout "happy new year!" when any given timer hits zero.
  • Drake the type of audience member to go "uuhhh...is this part of the show?" when something very clearly unintentionally interrupts a live performance.
  • Drake the type of journalist to wear a comically large camera around his neck and shout "what a scoop!" while taking a flash photo of something intriguing.
  • Drake the type of guy to intervene in a heated argument amongst his friends by yelling "GUYS!" in order to give a speech about the importance of empathy and understanding which his crew intently listens to.
  • Drake the type of guy to say "Nice doggy" right before being attacked by an obviously dangerous canine
  • Drake the type of guy to say "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
  • Drake the type of guy to be so hungry he could eat an Octorok
  • Drake the type of guy to say "You can't fire me because... because I quit!" after a poor performance review from his angry boss.
  • Drake the type of guy to motivate himself to exercise by tying a donut to a string attached by a rod he wears on his head.
  • Drake the type of guy to tell someone to take a chill pill when they get mad.[4]
  • Drake the type of young whippersnapper to don a propeller hat and comically large rainbow lollipop whenever he reminisces on a moment in his childhood.
  • Drake the type of guy to lose the Chicken Game.
  • Drake the type of guy to frolic and play.
  • Drake the type of guy to win two tickets to an event after phoning-in on a radio talk show but fall into peer pressure after his friends find out and commit selfless acts to convince him to give them the other ticket.
  • Drake the type of guy to find a needle in a haystack.
  • Drake the type of guy to go “this is my jam!” at a musical number at the end of a Dreamworks movie.
  • Drake the type of guy to think a watermelon will grow in his stomach if he swallows its seeds.
  • Drake the type of guy to say "Well I'll be jiggered!" when his friend tells him something surprising.
  • Drake the type of guy to say "Get real!" when his friend tells him something unbelievable.
  • Drake the type of guy to drive around in a Drakemobile which has a horn that plays the first notes of La Cucaracha.
  • Drake the type of guy to Wilhelm scream before waking up and saying, "It was all a dream".
  • Drake the type of guy to have a toaster that shoots bread up really high when it's done and he has to quickly catch it by moving his plate under where the toast is about to land.
  • Drake the type of guy who is super sweet and nic;e and also he would never edit his own page to say nice things about himself and also he's very humble.

Contact

I'm sooooooooooo drunk @Drake

Draaaakkkkeeeeeeeeeeeee 😭😭😭😭😭

Notes

Gru.jpeg This article is sponsored by Felonius Gru.
  1. ↑ https://twitter.com/i/events/1576399607881289729
  2. ↑ https://twitter.com/ca_dmv_bot/status/1594797845101522945
  3. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/@21corleone/video/7256436656406891803?lang=en
  4. ↑ https://twitter.com/Rap/status/1712173355564970021
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