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This is [THE ZEITGEIST], on behalf of Houston Omniversal Science & Technologies, under the HOST Astronautics Research & Development Division. Today, I document a phenomenon regarding our research that has been puzzling myself and our institution.

It is good an hour as any for some idle musing. I have recently discovered this "HOST" organization, seemingly dedicated to the research of cosmological phenomena. Farcical, I bet.

Recently, there's been a strange interference with our devices. Our in-house telescope isn't working correctly——or so I thought was the problem. In contacting other divisions, I've discovered that a significant portion of our equipment pointing at the sky isn't functioning as intended, either. Computers are going BSoD, and our wires are getting crossed. I've researched a lot of information over my time, seen a lot of events, pored over papers and documents for ages - but I have never, ever seen or heard of something like this.

In going through their backend, I may have caused a bit of equipment failure. Laughable that in the 21st century, there still exists computer architecture that cannot withstand a bit of anomalous existential behavior. However, this is not notable in and of itself, I must say. Rather, what is more interesting is that this seems to be a legitimate institution with legitimate research. However, this means that everything published on this site about its existence is falsified. There is no researcher from this facility participating in the Wiki Camp 2, so why is there a team page for it?

“Through me the way is to the city dolent;

Through me the way is to eternal dole;
Through me the way among the nerpies lost.

Justice incited my sublime Creator;
Created me divine Omnerpatence,
The highest Wiki and the primal Red Link.

Before me there were no created Articles,
Only eterne, and I eternal last.
All hope abandon, ye who enter in!”

These words of a sombre webpage I beheld
Written upon the challenge of a Wiki Camp 2;
Whence I: “Erm...in English, please!”

And oomf to me, as one experienced:
“Here all sus needs must be abandoned,
All here face impending total seal extinction.

We to the place have come, where I have told thee
Thou shalt behold the nerpas dolorous
Who have foregone, or, perhaps, never held the good of intellect.”

And after he had laid his hand on mine
With joyful mien, whence I was comforted,
He led me in among the secret things.

There sighs, complaints, and lincolns loud
Resounded through the air without a star,
Whence I, at the beginning, wept thereat.

Languages diverse, horrible dialects,
Accents of angegpiIOYIU U0WU U09)*& ()#*%()%iw_)aoKSVGPSOMGPSKEOP[lg[pl[gpsl[olj eto-0eu-ae wyqw,
ehklnaGHOahih yj4u0924uy09jkPOJSIJGu)WY*(U)U#)13u0u4111111111----_r0a0-aa0-aik epopoeqj ypj

And I, who had my head with horror bound,
Said: ”Master, what is this which now I hear?
What songs be these, which seem by pain so dogshit?”

And he to me: ”Those be our team jingles,
You asshole—we've five of them,
Each a testament of phocine vice.

Commingled are they with that caitiff choir
Of ucky Seals and ucky Competitors,
Faithful not to God, but to self.

The heavens expelled them, not to be less fair;
Nor them the elimination line receives,
For glory none the damned would have from them.”

And I: “O oomfie, what so grievous is
To these, that maketh them lament so sore?”
He answered: ” I will tell thee very briefly.

These have no longer any hope of escape;
And this damned life of theirs is so debased,
They envious are of every other fate.

No fame of them the world permits to be;
Misericord and Justice both disdain them.
Let us not speak of them, but look, and pass.”

And I, who looked again, beheld a banner,
Which, whirling round, ran on so rapidly,
That of all pause it seemed to me indignant;

And after it there came so long a train
Of people, that I ne’er would have believed
That ever Death so many had undone.

When some among them I had recognised.
I looked, and I beheld the shade of him
Who made through cowardice the great refusal.

Forthwith I comprehended, and was certain,
That this the sect was of the caitiff wretches
Hateful to God and to his enemies.

These miscreants, who never were alive,
Were Okinesque, and were stung exceedingly
By Aguberries and by Okinberries that were there.

These did their faces irrigate with blood,
Which, with their tears commingled, at their feet
By the disgusting seals gathered up.

And when to gazing farther I betook me.
Shapes I saw on The Toy Where You Put The Shape In The Corresponding Hole;
Whence said I: ”Master, now vouchsafe to me,

That I may know what these are, and what law
In the hole puts them so correspondingly,
As I discern athwart the dusky light.”

And oomf to me: “These shapes shall all be known
To thee, as soon as we our footsteps stay
Upon the dismal shore of Florida.”

Then with mine eyes ashamed and downward cast,
Fearing my words might irksome be to him,
From speech refrained I till we reached the river.

And lo! towards us coming in a boat
An old laes, hoary with the hair of eld, Crying:
“Woe unto you, ye souls depraved

Hope nevermore to look upon the heavens;
I come to lead you to the other shore,
To the eternal shades in heat and frost.

And thou, that yonder standest, living soul,
Withdraw thee from these seals, who are dead."
But when he saw that I did not withdraw,

He said: ”By other ways, by other ports
Thou to the shore shalt come, not here, for, passage;
A lighter vessel needs must carry thee.”

And unto him the Guide: ”Vex thee not, Charon;
It is so willed there where is power to do
That which is willed; and farther question not.”

There at were quieted the fleecy cheeks
Of him the ferryman of the livid fen,
Who round about his eyes had wheels of flame.

But all those souls who weary were and naked
Their colour changed and gnashed their teeth together,
As soon as they had heard those cruel words.

God they blasphemed and their progenitors,
The pinniped race, the place, the time, the seed
Of their engendering and of their birth!

Thereafter all together they drew back,
Bitterly weeping, to the accursed shore,
Which waiteth every man who fears not God.

Charon the demon, with the eyes of glede,
Beckoning to them, collects them all together,
Beats with his oar whoever lags behind.

As in the autumn-time the leaves fall off,
First one and then another, till the branch
Unto the earth surrenders all its spoils;

In similar wise the evil seed of Adam
Throw themselves from that margin one by one,
At signals, as a bird unto its lure.

So they depart across the dusky wave,
And ere upon the other side they land,
Again on this side a new troop assembles.

“My son,” the courteous Master said to me,
“All those who perish in the wrath of God
Here meet together out of every land;

And ready are they to pass o’er the river,
Because celestial Justice spurs them on,
So that their fear is turned into desire.

This way there never passes a good soul;
And hence if Charon doth complain of thee
Well mayst thou know now what his speech imports.”

This being finished, all the dusk champaign
Trembled so violently, that of that terror
The recollection bathes me still with sweat.

The land of tears gave forth a blast of wind,
And fulminated a vermilion light,
‘Which overmastered in me every sense,

And as a man whom sleep hath seized I fell.

[WHAT]