The Vi-o Hazards
Description
The Vi-o Hazards are a criminal gang widely known for their exploits in various realms of crime, such as theft, smuggling, murder, pirating, murder, copyright infringement, bootlegging, and most importantly, murder. Despite being so well known, it only has a total of three members in the gang. Many believe this is far too small to be a global troublemaking organization, but the leader has gone on record to say “I don’t care.” in response to such claims. Either way, they are a force to be reckoned with.
Each member of the team is themed around various usages for the term “virus”. Bi-o, as a bacteriophage, relates to various physical ailments, such as the common cold and chicken pox. Mi-o, as a lightbulb, represents various info and cognitohazards, such as 9150625 and me. Di-o, as a computer, is reminiscent of various digital viruses that can plague your computer, such as Bonzi Buddy and Protegent.
Members
Mi-o, the leader of the operation, is also the brains for the crew. He creates various gadgets for the rest of the crew to use on missions, such as grappling hooks and -otrons of various purposes, such as the Stealth-otron and the Magnet-otron. The former is rarely used by Di-o.
Aside from making useful gear, he also organizes the heists and schemes pulled by the trio, such as the infamous “Operation Citrine”, “Operation A113”, and “Operation Kill That Bear”. He is also the most outspoken of the three, being very camera friendly, which reporters say “is awfully reminiscent of Mr. Capone”. Mi-o denounces such claims as “baseless at best, and accusatory at worst.”
Di-o is regarded as “the worst spy to ever grace this Earth”, as they are very trigger-happy, and will jump at the moment to fire a weapon, swing a sword, or blow something up. As a result, many of the Vi-o Hazards’ most well-known operations are only revealed to the public by some slip-up done by them. Another side effect of their trigger-happy nature is that they are the only member to have been arrested more than three times, being arrested a grand total of 67 times since the gang’s start in 2001. When asked how to pronounce their name, they’ve said “It’s ‘DIE-OH’. Call me ‘DEE-OH’ if you like the taste of gunpowder, steel, and lead.” They are the reason there's three mentions of the word "murder" in the first paragraph.
Bi-o is the third and last member of the trio, and most recent addition to the crew, being recruited in 2004 after a lengthy conversation with Mi-o that went nowhere. She’s well known for being absolutely incomprehensible when speaking to her, either verbally or through text. This is because her native language of “Viro-talian” is both a con-lang, and only speakable by viruses similar to her, due to the human mouth’s inability to create some of the integral sounds of the language. She is regarded as one of the more serious members of the trio, and “gets the job like pretty damn fast”, in the words of Di-o.
Unknown Contact
Recently, an unknown figure has contacted the group, which seems to have broken a deal with them. It is presumed that they work for another notorious gang, known as The Editorial Column, but which member of that group contacted them is unknown. When asked this question, Mi-o has said “I’ve been paid big money not to answer that question. By big money, I mean billions of dollars that are of questionable origin, and dubious ethics,” and when Di-o was asked the question, they proceeded to maul the interviewer. It’s unknown if the interviewer’s incorrect pronunciation of their name, or the question itself was the cause for this attack. A widely agreed upon theory is that only Bi-o knows, but as nobody understands Viro-talian, nobody can prove it.
Chat logs between Vi-o Hazard and an unknown party (presumably The Editorial Column).
| [13:34:26] | Mi-o | | | We got what you wanted, sir. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | W?% @?\*Σ> | | | The Aquoise alloy? All ten bars of it? |
| [13:35:13] | Mi-o | | | More than that. How do you like the sound of fifteen bars? |
| [XX:XX:XX] | ∆?% @?\*a> | | | Fantastic. That is more than I ordered, so you can keep the rest. |
| [13:36:46] | Mi-o | | | Good, good. I thank you for allowing me to use this fascinating alloy in new gear for future requests from you. |
| [13:36:57] | Mi-o | | | Now, what’s the pay? 100 million? 250? |
| [XX:XX:XX] | I?% @?\*Σ> | | | You vastly underestimate me sometimes, Mi-o. Or perhaps it is humor? I do not know, nor do I care. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | ∆?% @?\*t> | | | But back on topic. Your pay for this mission is 450 million dollars, and some downtime from those “operations”, as you call them. |
| [13:38:16] | Mi-o | | | Thank you, sir. But I must say, this is rather strange, coming from you. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | ∆?% @?\*i> | | | How so? |
| [13:38:56] | Mi-o | | | Usually you give us another request after we fulfill the previous, but have a week or two of preparation before you’d like it done. |
| [13:39:25] | Mi-o | | | Whether we use ALL of it for preparation can be hand waved away, however that’s not my point. |
| [13:39:54] | Mi-o | | | My point is you’re deliberately giving us time off. That’s a bit out of character, sir. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | N?% @?\*Σ> | | | I see. I apologize then, as you three have done such a great job, I have no need for your services for quite some time. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | G?% @?\*Σ> | | | These requests are all for a greater plan that will be clear to you shortly, Mi-o. I will have my secretary explain what will happen next, as I have business to take care of. |
| [XX:XX:XX] | SYSTEM | | | ∆?% @?\*Σ> has left the chat. |
| [13:41:26] | 3RingsToRuleThemAll | | | Good day, Mi-o. Soon, Workshop will drive by to pick up the order. You know what happens by now, I’m sure. |
| [13:42:46] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | heyo! i’m the workshop binder just mentioned to you. i’ll be driving in a black ford f150 to pick up the alloy |
| [13:43:23] | Mi-o | | | Good to know. When should I expect this “Workshop” to arrive? |
| [13:43:46] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | i’m omw there like right now, currently at a shell filling up on gas soooo how does 2 hours from now sound? |
| [13:44:34] | Mi-o | | | Fine by me. |
| [13:45:23] | Di-o | | | YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT THE OPERATION??? |
| [13:45:53] | Di-o | | | GOD IT WAS LOUD AND FUN AND PRETTY SO HONESTLY IT WAS REALLY GOOD |
| [13:45:59] | SYSTEM | | | Di-o sent a file: WISH_YOU_WERE_HERE.jpg |
| [13:46:54] | 3RingsToRuleThemAll | | | That’s… great, Di-o. |
| [13:47:02] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | are you good? |
| [13:47:43] | Di-o | | | NEVER BEEN BETTER |
| [13:48:12] | Di-o | | | BUT COULD YOU GUYS SEND MORE OF THAT GREEN APPLE LAFFY TAFFY? THAT SHIT WAS LIKE REALLY TASTY |
| [13:49:13] | 3RingsToRuleThemAll | | | What green- |
| [13:49:47] | 3RingsToRuleThemAll | | | The hush money? You were supposed to keep that safe, not eat it! |
| [13:50:23] | 3Rings | | | I apologize for this, but we won't be replenishing that for quite some time. |
| [13:50:45] | Di-o | | | SHUCKS. I HAVE A GUY WHO’LL HOOK ME UP WITH SOME MORE THOUGH. BEING A CRIME LORD IS REALLY NICE. |
| [13:51:32] | 3RingsToRuleThemAll | | | I bet it is, but unfortunately I gotta go, so see you later, I guess? |
| [13:51:40] | Di-o | | | CYA MATE. |
| [13:51:45] | SYSTEM | | | 3Rings left the chat. |
| [15:23:45] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | your uber’s here |
| [15:24:34] | Mi-o | | | Rather early, workshop. |
| [15:25:48] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | used to smuggle things back in the day, so i tend to know a thing or two about these streets and their shortcuts |
| [15:25:56] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | you got the goods ready? |
| [15:26:20] | Mi-o | | | ‘Course I do. |
| [15:26:24] | pablo.gonzales.2007 | | | ace |
| [15:26:25] | SYSTEM | | | pablo.gonzales.2007 left the chat. |
| [15:30:03] | SYSTEM | | | Mi-o left the chat. |
| [15:45:21] | SYSTEM | | | Di-o left the chat. |