Tiger
A tiger is absolutely outrageous.
Look at this thing
It's so fucking orange and for what. Oh so you got stripes? That's so amazing I am so impressed. What are you gonna do with those? You're just gonna wear them like they're from H&M? Just a little something you bought one time because you thought it looked cute? Well you're damn right. Work!
Also that's a big ass nose you got here, be careful with it you might hurt someone. Same thing with those silly hands you have.
Danger
For anyone here who isn't a tiger, one thing you have to know is that they look very menacing. That is because they are dangerous. One time I saw a tiger who didn't pay his electricity bills. He ate the papers instead. That's right, he saw the documents stating how much he owed, and he just fucking ate them. The look in his eyes is something I could never forget. He had no remorse.
Where do I find one
I would suggest not to do that. However there is probably one shopping right now at Claire's.
What do they do
The tiger's main goal is to make everyone aware of its presence. Whenever it appears anywhere, it's gonna roar like they fucking own the place. The street is not yours, honey. It belongs to my taxes.
If ignored, the tiger will roar even louder. If ignored again, it will wreck the shit out of whoever wants to ignore it. Or so I was told. My good friend Simone told me that she ignored a tiger once, and it just rolled its eyes and said "what-everrrr". This is especially surprising considering tigers can't talk, but we'll take a look at its strenghts and weaknesses after the break.
Quiz break
These four images represent four different people from the Tekken saga. Which one is called Tiger?
A
B
C
D
You'll find the answer at the bottom of the page!
Strenghts
Tigers are exceptionally strong. Their paws can open jars that are very difficult to open, and they also have claws the size of the Eiffel Tower for some reason. That's not actually how big they are but it sure feels like it. Ouch.
They also have kind of an attitude, which helps them not to feel shame in any way. This makes them unbearable.
Weaknesses
Fortunately, tigers have many weaknesses. This is because they want everyone to have a chance against them, in order to have a fair fight. Thank you, tigers!
As seen before, they can't communicate like humans do. This explains why their roars sometimes get ignored, as humans can't understand them and often think they are very weird coughs.
Also, their funky orange and black stripes makes them very noticeable. This is a good thing considering their goals, but in a fight, the camouflage option is out of the question.
About the sun
A long time ago, 1 trillion lions tried to take over the sun. While they seemed to be the winners considering the fact that 1 trillion lions is a lot of lions, they gave up while approaching the sun because it was "a little too hot".
Tigers, who really wanted the lions to feel stupid, tried to prove they could do it. And so 1 trillion tigers jumped into space in order to take over the sun. However, due to their nature of wanting to be noticed, the sun saw them coming and just waved its fucking arm I guess to make them go back to Earth. 999999999999 tigers made it home safely, while 1 landed on the Moon instead. This very specific tiger saw this as an opportunity to outshine anyone, and became known as the Moon Tiger. Except no one noticed he was gone so he came back to Earth so everyone would be aware of it. But that would mean he wasn't the Moon Tiger anymore. Bummer.
He thought of a new name and became the legendary Tony the Tiger. His cereals could only be made thanks to photosynthesis! Thank you, the sun!
Other facts
- Tigers love EDM, but they will refuse to admit it, instead they will say they don't have a favorite genre, they just listen to whatever is on the radio except for rap and country music.
- Not a single one of them has seen any movie released before 2003. This is because they believe this is the year cinema was invented and no one has the heart to tell them.
- Apparently there are more of them outside the city, but I can't confirm. The city is all I know. The outside world is a cold and scary place.
Are tigers a "Thing"?
yeah i'd say they're a Thing
Conclusion
Tigers are essential to society. Without them, we couldn't talk about tigers. We also wouldn't have big funny cats that kinda remind me of Garfield.
They're just like me for real.
Quiz results
It doesn't matter whether you answered A, B, C, or D, because you are wrong. Here is the only one known as Tiger.
Tekken lore can be very confusing.