The diss tracking of Franz Funkynand
On July 12 1914 Franz Funkynand, chief DJ-to-be of the Austro-Funkgarian empire, would be diss-tracked so hard he would die from embarrassment. The assassin was part of a terror network ‘Jazz Hands’, which performed the diss tracking in response to the empire wide ban on jazz music, which was made as a way for the emperor to force his subjects to listen to his preferred techno rave beats.
Background
After the fall of Napoleon, when he lost the basket ball game at Waterloo and the Duke Of Wellington dunking on him, Europe’s balance of power was forever changed. The fall of the Holy Roman Empire required a new power to control Central Europe, and with Britain too busy using the India colonialism bug to dupe their money to care, the rest of Europe would decide to create the German confederation. However, this would lead to German unification, which happened because Otto von Bismarck wanted to have a boat named after him like his grandfather, Mr. James.B.Oat, who invented boats. The German unification came at a cost from the already waning Austro-Funkgarian empire. Once, they ruled Europe through hard beats and sick tracks, but now the various ethnic groups of the empire began to grow sick of the single genre of techno-funk that the empire allowed, and began to take interest in new forms of music, like jazz and classical.
Diss-tracking
on 11th of July, the Serbian radical jazz group ‘Jazz Hands’ would attempt to kill the DJ-to-be in response to the new empire wide crack down on forms of music other than techno-funk. This attempt would fail, as they would throw their explosive harmonica under the wrong car, killing no one. However, one member of the group who would not give up so easily. He spent that night in a recording studio making a diss-track on the prince that was so devastating it was lethal. On the morning of July 12th, the prince chose not to change his plans, because “terrorists never try to assassinate the same guy twice.” At the time this seemed like a legitimate reason, as this would be the first assassination in history where terrorists would try to kill the same guy twice, and this was before the release of Die Hard meaning the general public had no idea how to deal effectively with terrorism. As the DJ-heir apparent made his round, the diss-tracker took a leaf out of the book of notorious anarchist Wile E. Coyote, and change around the signs to make the car take a wrong turn. As the car pulled Into the lane, the assassin lunged out and threw his mixtape at the duke, landing it in the cars cassette player. The following diss-track was so devastating that the prince died from embarrassment roughly 35 seconds into the second verse.
Aftermath
In the wake of such a massive aura loss for the Austro-Funkgarian empire, the emperor would call on his allies to aid him in the now inevitable war, then the targets of the war would call their allies and they would call their allies and their allies and their allies and so on and so forth.
Many would be critical of killing of Franz in the pilot episode of WW1, but the show runners assured fans that there would be plenty of flashbacks for him in the later seasons (these flashbacks where scheduled to happen in WW1 season 5, but Germany backed out of the project before it could happen, leading to the eventual ending of the program).