Chess

Not to be confused with Choice.

Chess is the world's first video game. Two players each control little guys who are made of wood or bone or stone or metal or something, and they have to fight. People write books about it. It's kind of like Baseball because it's the domain of nerds.

The pieces

King

Main article: King Bob

Queen

There is no Queen of chess.

Horsey

The horsey can move in an L shape and jump over pieces.

Knight

Main article: Demoknight

Some chess rulesets replace the horsey with a piece called the knight. This is only a house rule and is not prohibited in tournament play, but due to its popularity as a house rule it is included here.

Bishop

They can only move diagonally. Since chess is considered a sTragedy game, the two bishops may never meet eachother. Ironic, isn't it.

Rook

Main article: Elizabeth Tower

Pawn

This is when you sell something, okay?

Special Moves

Check

If you call out "Check!", your opponents king will be forced to move, or have another piece protect him so he stops being scared.

Checkmate

Winning off of your opponents discard. Rather than having all players pay the value of a hand, such as when a player tsumos, the player that dealt the winning tile must pay the full price of the hand.

Castling

If your king and rook see each other, they will get very excited and plan a delightful trip to the beach where they build a sandcastle together. This can be easily counterplayed by being a big bully and destroying it.

En Passant

A sleight of hand cheat made by taking a pawn with another pawn on a space that it skipped over. This move became so common in all settings of chess, referees will turn a blind eye to it every single time.

Strategy

Chess, like any other fighting game, is about setting up combos to harm your opponent. Chess begins in the 'neutral game' just like any other fighting game, where no pieces are being threatened. Each player should develop their pieces to reinforce their pieces and protect their own pieces against attacks while simultaneously setting up attacks against their opponent. Once a piece is taken, a combo will begin. If there are multiple pieces from each player attacking the same spot, the combo will continue for however many pieces there are. After this combo, the game will revert back to neutral.

A major advantage a player can get is if they can threaten multiple pieces at once, preferably one of those being the king. This allows a player to execute a stronger combo as long as they keep putting the king in check.

Defensive play is all about shortening your opponents combos as much as possible, and making sure your side takes as little damage to materials as possible. Try to avoid putting your pieces in places where multiple can be threatened at once so your opponent cannot combo you.

Winning

Unlike older fighting games, such as beating the shit out of eachother, instead of killing your opponent, you just pretend to kill their king. Once the king WOULD die you end the game early so that nobody gets hurt. Except for the queen and rook and bishops and horsies and pawns

Tactics

London System

When you get the horses out there and also the bishops n stuff. IDK, the masters and the computer overlord say that it's the best move.

Bongcloud

The best opening. In this opening, the king gets involved early. If you play it, your opponent instantly dies. This tactic was invented by Hikaru Nakamura against Bobby Fischer in 1887 to win against anyone ever.

Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Gambit

Scholar's Mate

This one is good because it always works against smart people. I'm not telling you how to do it though.