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[[Category: Dragons]]

Revision as of 21:16, 1 May 2023

I'VE MADE IT IN YOU CAN'T STOP ME NOW MOTHER FUCKERS

picture of me irl

Dragon's Hoard 2000

Dragon's Hoard 2000 is an IUI software program published by ThoughtTank Software in 1999. Though advertised as an interactive assistant that would use machine learning and AI to tailor its help to a user, upon release, the program turned out to only be capable of generating random prewritten facts, including their sources. The negative backlash and poor sales generated by Dragon's Hoard, as well as the reveal of how it was made, eventually led to the company's bankruptcy and dissolvement in 2002.

Creation

Dragon's Hoard was created almost exclusively by Sidney Jameson, a longtime employee of ThoughtTank. Jameson was allegedly working on Dragon's Hoard during her spare time at the company, and some personal notes record that she was working on the program's machine learning aspect as early as 1986. Her documentation of the project reveals that Jameson was building the program to use significantly advanced AI and actually become a virtual assistant of some kind, despite the lack of those features in the final release.

Technology

Dragon's Hoard uses a program similar to Microsoft Office, although the actual code appears to be largely homebrewed by Jameson herself. This source code shows frameworks in place for advanced machine learning, as well as elaborate interaction with the user and its files. However, the only part of the code that is functional is a randomized 'fact page', which draws responses from an internal bank of pre-written facts. If connected to the Internet, these facts will also have attached sources.

Despite numerous efforts by both professional and non-professional coders, Dragon's Hoard has never been repaired or made functional beyond its fact page. The only successful modifications to the program's source code are additions to the fact bank, which it will display alongside the pre-loaded facts.

Release and Response

ThinkTank released Dragon's Hoard 2000 as a downloadable file on its website in 1999, as well as a mail-in CD offer. The advertising around the product claimed that it was a virtual assistant and knowledge repository similar to Windows' Office Assistant 'Clipit', and that it would respond to user input and change its behavior based on that. Nearly all of this advertising was proven false upon the program's release, to significant criticism by those who had bought it.

Further criticism was drawn when users of Dragon's Hoard reported severe technological issues after installing the program. Bug reports ranged from the program refusing to open to corruption of hard drive files and even core operating files, although slowed computer processing was the most prevalent issue. As glitches associated with the program continued, some posited that Dragon's Hoard was a virus; this claim was disputed by ThinkTank. After several patches and bug fixes failed to work, ThinkTank removed Dragon's Hoard from its main webpage in 2000 and no longer sent out CDs containing the program to mail-in orders.

Jameson Controversy

Already saddled with a bad reputation, Dragon's Hoard drew yet more ire towards its publishers when internal documents from the corporation were released in 2000, revealing that the program's creator, Sidney Jameson, had left the company in 1998 and received no compensation for her work. Furthermore, Dragon's Hoard was mentioned briefly in her final letter to the company, where she criticized the company's ownership of her product. When asked about the subject, ThinkTank replied that Jameson had never formally resigned from the corporation, but had simply left the letter and her workstation and never returned. They had reached out to Jameson to discuss the program's release, but she had never replied.

Investigators then attempted to reach Jameson themselves, and found that she had disappeared; she sold her apartment in 1998 and hadn't been seen since. This led to ThinkTank being accused of mistreating Jameson, who had been known to struggle with mental health issues, and a lawsuit was lobbied against the corporation in 2001. Unable to afford an expensive court case, ThinkTank settled out of court and declared bankruptcy later in the year, eventually shutting their doors and dissolving the corporation in 2002.

Legacy

Dragon's Hoard 2000 is still known as one of the worst programs ever released. Many cite its failures against even its most basic competitors, with one tech magazine saying "compared with Clippy or even BonziBUDDY, Dragon's Hoard is a piece of completely useless dreck, and you know that's saying something." The program's many associated bugs and damage to computers also has it erroneously known as one of the Internet's earliest trojan viruses.

Ever since its release, Dragon's Hoard has become a popular subject at hackathons and coding jams, with many annual coding events offering cash rewards to anyone who can get Dragon's Hoard's unused IUI framework functional again. Despite this, no one has ever succeeded. Because of its infamously unfixable status, stubborn coding bugs and insurmountable code issues have become known as 'Dragon Hoard problems' or 'dragon bugs' amongst many programmers.