John Walkman
| “ | Call me John the way I Walk into Men | ” | |
| — Weird Al[deafeningly loud incorrect buzzer] | |||
A John Walkman is some sort of bug[wrong]a type of animal[wrong again] a thing[right] that is edible[not really]and is from Neon Genesis Evangelion[wrong]SSSS.Gridman[not from a mecha anime] The Disastrous Life of Saiki K[not from any anime] The Amazing Digital Circus[or any piece of media] real life[right]. It connects devices to some mysterious source of energy to power them. It is also known to be able to hold its bladder for 8 months at a time[doesn't have a bladder] be very shocking[technically true].
| John Walkman | |
|---|---|
 A John Walkman I found lying on my wall |
Origin
John Walkmen were invented in 2017[too recent] 1337[too far back] 1873[close enough] when John Running walked too many times at once. Due to the intense energy created from this, he split into many, making the John Walkmen we know today[what?]. We continually harness Running for power. Sad[stay informative].
Mortal Enemy
The Batter from OFF
Variants
Sometimes, we receive a faulty John Walkman, called a Walk Johnman. These can occasionally appear. If you spot one, please call 1-800-RESEARCH, so that we may study and eventually understand them.
| Walk Johnman | |
|---|---|
 A Walk Johnman found in a building |
People have occasionally mentioned seeing Nerpa Walkmen. These are evil and fucked up. and should be destroyed immediately.
Appearances
In Popular Culture
Both John Walkmans and Walk Johnmans have appeared in GTA V
In Nature
yeah its there as well
Gallery
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Another Nerpa Walkman -
this one looks a little weird -
theres also this one
