Skinner runs to the kitchen, only to find his roast is burnt.

Chalmers
Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
Skinner
Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
Chalmers
Yeah.
Skinner
GASP!
Skinner
Oh, ye Gods! My roast is ruined! But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Hohoho, Delightfully devilish, Seymour!

He begins to climb through the window, but Chalmers enters the kitchen.

Spike
SKINNER, WITH HIS CRAZY EXPLANATIONS, THE SUPERINTENDENTS GONNA NEED SOME MEDICATION, WHEN HE HEARS SKINNER'S LAME EXAGGERATIONS, THERE'LL BE TROUBLE IN TOWN TONIGHT!
Chalmers
SEYYYYMOUUURR!!!!!
Skinner
SUPERINTENDENT! I was just...uh...stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?
Chalmers
Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Skinner
Uh, ooh, that isn't smoke! It's STEAM! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. MMM! Steamed clams!

Chalmers leaves the kitchen.

Skinner
Whew.

Skinner leaves out the window and orders burgers and fries, and returns back to the house.

Skinner
Superintendent, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers!
Chalmers
I thought we we're having steamed clams.
Skinner
Oh no, I said "steamed hams" that's what I call hamburgers.
Chalmers
You call hamburgers "steamed hams"?
Skinner
Yes! It's a regional dialect.
Chalmers
Uh-huh. What region?
Skinner
Uhhhhpstate New York.
Chalmers
Really. Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams"
Skinner
Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
Chalmers
I see.

Chalmers takes a bite out of his burger, and then inspects it.

Chalmers
You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner
Hohoho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers! Oooold family recipe!
Chalmers
...For steamed hams.
Skinner
Yes!
Chalmers
Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled.
Skinner
Y- Uh. You know, th-
Skinner
One thing I should-
Skinner
...Excuse me for one second.
Chalmers
Of course.

Skinner enters the kitchen and then immediately leaves upon noticing the kitchen is burning.

Skinner
(YAWN!) Well, that was wonderful! Good time was had by all, I'm pooped!
Chalmers
Yes, I should be-
Chalmers
GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE???
Skinner
Chalmers
A-
Chalmers
AURORA BOREALIS?!??!?
Chalmers
AT THIS TIME OF YEAR??
Chalmers
AT THIS TIME OF DAY???
Chalmers
LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN??!?
Skinner
Yes!
Chalmers
Chalmers
...May I see it?
Skinner
Skinner
No.

Skinner and Chalmers exit the house.

Michael Bloomberg
SEYMOUR! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
Skinner
No, Bloomberg, It's just the northern lights!
Chalmers
Well Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... You steam a good ham.

Chalmers walks away from the house.

Michael Bloomberg
HELP! HEEEELP!
Skinner
👍

In another universe...

Goofs

  • Skinner was getting ready to escape through the window, not conducting isometric exercises.
  • Skinner erroneously calls smoke steam.
  • Skinner claims that clams are in the oven; there was visibly a burnt roast inside earlier.
  • Skinner clarifies he said "steamed hams" instead of "steamed clams", but listening back proves he truly said the latter.
  • Skinner elucidates that "steamed hams" is a phrase used in Albany, New York, but this is not the case.
  • Skinner describes the burgers as patented Skinner Burgers—an old family recipe—contradicting the fact that he was seen acquiring them from the nearby Krusty Burger.
  • Skinner declares the hamburgers as steamed, but they are illustrated as having grill marks.
  • Skinner falsely says that the fire in his kitchen is the spectacular weather phenomenon aurora borealis.
    • He later makes the same mistake when yelling at Bloomberg.