Grinch

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The Grinch as he appears in The Grinch (2000) on the Game Boy Color.

The Grinch is one of many despicable beings who wishes to ruin Christmas. He is green.

He has a dog named Max.

Attributes

  • He is a heel.[1]
  • He is as cuddly as a cactus.
  • He is as charming as an eel.
  • He's a bad banana with a greasy black peel.
  • He's a monster.
  • His heart's an empty hole.[2]
  • His brain is full of spiders.
  • He's got garlic in his soul.
  • Many would not touch him with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot[3] pole.
  • He is vile.
  • He has termites in his smile.
  • He has all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile.[4]
  • He is foul.
  • He's a nasty-wasty skunk.[citation needed]
  • His heart is full of unwashed socks.
  • His soul is full of gunk.
  • He's a rotter.
  • He's the king of sinful sots.
  • His heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots.
  • His soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots.
  • He's a crooked dirty jockey and he drives a crooked hoss.
  • He's a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.

Redemption arc

Despite all this, the woke writers at Dr. Seuss redeemed the Grinch by growing his heart three sizes after he realized the Whos down in Whoville supported each other and maintained Christmas cheer even after he stole all their presents.

Blue Grinch

Is a Blue Grinch even possible? You decide...

Notes

  1. Heel is a wrestling term. Erm, paging Rudy!
  2. Don't get it twisted: his head is not like a hole, his heart is.
  3. 12.0396 meters
  4. Saltwater crocodiles do exist, so it is uncertain how they would become seasick.