The Wiki Camp 2

T-POT 2 script

Page Discussion

This is the FAKE TPOT 2 script.

On October 9, 2021, someone DMed me impersonating pokey and asking to see the TPOT 2 script, which was at the time unfinished. Instead of showing the real script to this charlatan, I popped open google docs and banged out this fake script in 90 minutes flat.

This was actually before we'd finished writing TPOT 2, so one of the lines from this script actually made it into the real episode, even becoming the episode's title.

Anyway, obviously, none of this is canon, and it certainly doesn't reflect how I'd actually write these characters. I just wanted to share it since it was just sitting here not doing anything, and I'm not going to have any opportunity to reuse anything in it.

Also please don't link to this on the BFDI wiki.

cold open

fries hey marker! what's it like being on a new team man!
marker oh you know. dirty.
fries dirty? i don't know if i like that. i could get dirt on my fries man!
marker hey why do you keep saying "man"?
fries it's, my new catch phrase, man! what do you think, man!
marker to be completely honest...
fries yeah man?
marker it sucks.
fries what? marker, where'd you learn to talk like that, man?
marker fiery jr.
2 hey guys!
fries hey man.
2 i'm not a man, silly willy!
fries oh ok man.
2 stop it!
marker this is just how he talks now.
2 that sucks.
marker tell me about it.
2 anyway, it's time to start the power of twoooooo!

intro

2 hey guys it's time for cake at stake!
cake you mean cake at wake?
2 why would i mean that?
cake because i'm not sleeping. silly!
2 hey! i'm the one who's supposed to be calling people silly. see?
(flashback to earlier when 2 said:
2 i'm not a man, silly willy!
flashback ends)
cake oh i guess that did happen. although i wasn't there for that. so how can i know it was true?
2 well, we could always time travel.
cake really?
2 yeah dude! but first, cake at stake. so wake up!

cake at stake

2 hey guys! welcome to cake at stake!
fries hey man!
2 stop that! besides, you're not even up for elimination, fries!
(2 catapults fries off the building)
2 can you guys tell this episode will be focusing on fries? character develop ment?
everyone yes (sigh)
2 ok! so, death pact again. you were up for elimination.
fanny that sucks!
2 uh huh, well you shouldn't have lost the challenge.
fanny i basically carried my team. just saying
remote actually that was me.
tree whoa! remote! you're alive?
remote yes stupid tree of course i'm alive. you think losing my battery makes me dead? pay attention idiot.
tree wow she is acting different. do you think the new battery has made her meaner? since that affect's her personality, i think.
black hole women am i right?
tree fist bumps black hole and gets sucked in and dies.
black hole no!!! i caused death!!!
marker let's all attack him!!!
(everyone from death pact again attacks black hole and gets sucked up. then all the recommended characters also do that.)
black hole i'm a murderer! this is the worst day of my life!
2 and the last day of everyone else's life!
black hole don't rub it in!!! i'm so sad! (starts crying)
2 haha cry little baby come on
suddenly four shows up.
4 2, you vile creature. i hate you with my whole soul and life. and you are the worst.
2 ok
4 so anyway i sensed that many people just died over here. do you want me to recover them?
2 yeah i guess i cant exactly continue cake at stake if they are all dead.
4 ok should i just recover the people up for elimination then?
2 yeah' just leave the recommended character's dead innit.
4 you're so british two. hahahaha.
2 yes it is so funny. innit. haha.
4 let's all laugh! ha,
2 ha,
x ha!
2 x! when did you get here!
x just now! anyway since four is dragging their feet recovering everyone i'll just do it.
4 hey be nice to me x! little buddy! smol
x whatever. haha
x recovers tree, remote, fanny, pie, marker, and lightning.
everyone (all at once) whoa we are alive again.
4 that's true
2 ok anyway get out of here you guys! you're ruining the atmosphere in here.
fanny it's true. i hate four and x.
pie yeah scram! none of us like you!
remote i thought they were fine. it's just, given the choice between limitless power and some unknown square, i'd pick the limitless power, no matter how teeth-chatteringly exciting the square was.
tree wow remote you just talked for a really long time.
remote i know. this is what i'm like now. in fact, let me tell you an interesting tidbit: did you know that the moon is not actually completely round? see, it's actually covered in various lumps called "craters", caused by impacts of smaller bits of space rock impacting many years ago. and since it has no atmosphere, it just builds up over time, since no air can blow around anything up there.
black hole yes i did know that actually. since i am from space.
marker YOU'RE AN ALIEN??? EVERYONE, LOOK OUT! BLACK HOLE IS A MURDEROUS ALIEN!
black hole n-no, i
2 EVERYBODY RUN!!!!
everybody runs.

running away from black hole

after a while of running, everyone including the rest of the contestants is all running away from black hole.
golf ball help! we are being chased by black hole!
tennis ball that's true, golf ball!
basketball help! we are being chased by black hole!
golf ball i already said that!
tennis ball that's true, golf ball!
black hole stop running! i just want to be your friend, everyone!
pin he'll hurt us!
black hole i won't hurt you! i only killed those other people for self defense!
pin and he'll make up lies about why he hurt us!
coiny he'll accuse us of attacking him!
black hole no they literally. they actually
needle hey lightning! can you fly?
lightning yes i can fly needle. i remembered! didn't forget this time!
needle you totally forgot didn't you.
lightning yes
needle ok well let's fly away!
lightning ok!
needle climbs onto lightning and they fly away.
needle haha! can't get us up here, can you, black hole!
black hole actually i can also fly.
needle i forgot!!!
lightning how's it feel!
needle shut up! don't call me needy!
lightning i didn't! did i? i guess i could've forgo-
needle slaps lightning. this causes nothing bad to happen, but her to fall off. she gets sucked into black hole.
black hole no!!! i did it again! this is the worst day of my life!
golf ball you already said that!
puffball okay everyone stop. i have an idea for how to fix this.
puffball sings a song to black hole that makes him stop chasing everyone.
black hole wow that was beautiful. i feel so calm.
fries wow puffball that's an awesome ability you have, man!
puffball don't call me that.
fries it's just my new catch phrase, man!
puffball knocks fries into black hole.
fries aaaaaaaaaa!
black hole huh? did i just hear something?
everyone uh no.
black hole ok cool.
2 now we can do cake at stake for real.

cake at stake for real

2 death pact again! you're here because you lost the challenge.
lightning it's true!
2 let's see who's safe! first safe is, in no particular order, lightning, fanny, black hole, pie, tree, and remote.
marker wait. that was six people.
2 that's true.
marker but if i do math, that means that there is only one person left not safe. so they must be the person who is eliminated.
2 that's true.
marker but if i do logic, that means that i am the only person left not safe. so i must be the person who is eliminated.
2 that's true.
marker aw i lost the game.
2 that's true.
marker well what happens now?
2 that's tr- i mean, well, you get to live in the hotel!
puffball isn't that a rip-off of inanimate insanity 2?
2 no, in inanimate insanity, they went to idiotic island.
puffball no i was talking about inanimate insanity 2.
2 yes, puffball, i know you were talking about inanimate insanity.
puffball i meant the second season of inanimate insanity.
2 oh. well why didn't you just say so?
puffball I DID!!!!
2 no you didn't. you were saying my name.
tree this is so stupid.

the challenge

2 the second challenge is to get in a car and drive it.
pen that's it?
2 yes. well no. you're going to be racing. one person from each team gets in the car and will represent the team.

are you okay

pen oh i better not drive then, other wise the voters will blame me for why we lose if we lose.
tennis ball that's stupid. it's vote to save now, not vote to eliminate, so you don't need to worry about that. instead you should be trying to have the most character development. here watch.
tennis ball cries a very detailed tear that detailedly drips off his face just like in final space.
tennis ball i... sniff... waaaugh!
pen ok crybaby. let the real men drive. hey eraser!
eraser what
pen drive
eraser ok
2 ok so we know who's driving for team are you okay. what about the other teams.

just not

naily i think nickel should drive. that way if we lose, it's his fault.
book um didn't you just hear tennis ball and pen just now? they said it doesn't work that way anymore.
naily oh ok. then you drive because i hate cars.
book what? no way. i hate cars too. just saying.
naily ok well who's driving then?
bomby well i hate cars also so i won't drive.
price tag me too. cars are the worst.
cake i can't drive
pillow i'll drive. hehe.
book NO DON'T. YOU'LL MESS IT UP!!!
pillow it's true. hehe.
nickel fine i'll drive then. but you guys can't use me as your scape goat. okay?
2 and nickel is driving for team just not!

team8s

coiny hey guys! i think needle should drive, since she is the fastest.
needle no way! i hate cars!
coiny holy cow! needle! you're alive! also, we already did that joke.
needle stop being meta, coiny. anyway four recovered me and fries.
coiny fries? no! i hate his new catch phrase, man!
needle don't call me man! *slap*
coiny soars away and gets sucked into black hole.
needle anyway, who's driving.
barf bag i'll drive. since i need more screentime.
needle i said stop being meta! *slap*
barf bag soars away and gets sucked into black hole.
saw i think i would be a grEIGHT driver!
needle you're annoying so if you drive away from me then that would be preferable. so sure, you can be our driver.
saw yay! i can't wEIGHT to participEIGHT!

the s

winner i would like to drive. since i have 1 big hand, i can hold the steering wheel.
clock winner as much as i think you are awesome, i should point out that your 1 big hand is above you, so if you held the steering wheel you wouldn not be able to look out the window and see where you are going. just saying.
winner ok that's a good point.
clock the only other person on our team who has arms is bottle so i guess her.
winner is that really a good idea? if she crashes, she won't survive.
clock it's okay. four is... around. so we should be able to get her back.
winner i'mjust saing i expect that the cars may crash and if someone more durable was in the car then the race could continue.
clock that is a good point. ok plus isn't nickel driving for just not? maybe it's okay that someone with only legs drives.
winner it's decided then! the most durable of us will drive!
clock sounds good- wait don't-!
winner shoves rocky into the car.
clock ... use rocky. welp, guess we're losing. everyone do a dance so the voters give us screentime! or something. actually that makes no sense. nobody do a dance. i will be the only one to dance.
clock dances.
bottle dances too.
clock no stop it! i'm the only one who's allowed to dance
bottle cries. drippy tears that run down her cheeks, puddling up in a pool beneath her. then she stops crying and scoops up the water and becomes water bottle. (recommended character)

the strongest team on earth

basketball ok i think snowball should drive. since he probably loves cars and would run everyone over, which is probably what would make us win. but on the other hand he would break the car. but on the other hand maybe he would manage to fix it somehow.
snowball what are you even saying
grassy why not grassy!
basketball actually yeah. grassy you drive. you need screentime.
needle runs up and slaps basketball and she soars away and gets sucked into black hole.
robot flower what the robot was that for?
needle uh i dont know. maybe that's my new gimmick. put that on the wiki heheh.
needle slaps herself and soars away and falls into black hole.
grassy gets in the car.

death pact again

tree ok guys we just lost marker. how are we going to do this?
fanny it's not like marker was a good driver though right?
tree actually he was a legendary driver. a driving beast.
fanny really?
tree well only on arcade games, such as fast and furious objects drive cars.
fanny did you just call me furious?
tree actually the title is referring to needle, who has both speed and fury.
lightning what? needle doesn't have any fur.
fanny i don't see how marker's gamer skills would've helped us here. video games are stupid.
everyone gasps.
remote fanny how could you say that?
tree well im not driving. and clearly fanny is a hateful person and she shouldn't drive. and remote you can't drive either because you are acting weird.
lightning can i drive?
tree no you can't reach the pedals.
pie can i drive
tree you would just explode.
black hole then it is up to me.
black hole tries to get in the car and sucks it up
2 you deleted your car so you have lost the challenge and will be up for elimination death pact again again
black hole WORST DAY OF MY LIFE

vote screen

todo

stinger

todo
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