"One hell of a cat." - Jurta Interview I

Recorded on November 11, 2022

Hey, viewers. This is Michael Bloomberg, reporting live from the Wiki Camp 2. This time, we have a special guest who stands out in the crowd.

, DUDE. HE'S QUITE A SPECIAL ONE. TODAY, WE'RE INTERVIEWING JURTA.

Hey... tell me again why you called me here for an interview?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, DUDE, WE ONLY WANT TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS IS ALL.

Of course. We only want to know how it feels to be the odd one in this wide range of contestants.

Well, I'm not the only one who isn't an "object", of course. There's The Computer, right? Sure, she may be lines of code, but she certainly doesn't portray herself as an object. And what about Bullseye? Can she be considered an object?

HEY DUDE, WE JUST MEANT THAT YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO HAS NO OBJECT-LIKE ATTRIBUTES. THERE'S ALSO US, BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT CONTESTANTS HERE, NOT THE OUTSIDERS.

Okay, let's move on before this derails any further. So, Jurta, what motivated you to join The Ultimate Heist Crew?

Well, if you've heard that interviewer, I never really had any team in mind, so I just joined them when I had the chance. But, if I had anything to say related to the team's objectives, I think it's always to aim for the big companies. It feels wrong aiming for individuals' work... and the individuals themselves.

THAT'S INTERESTING, DUDE. HOW DO YOUR TEAMMATES FEEL ABOUT YOUR STANCES?

Not exactly sure, especially with how Toy Blocks feels after we agreed on returning Arlo to Host, but I guess she'd feel pretty let down after that whole scenario played out. I had to stick with my morals, though.

...something up?

OH NO, WE'RE JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING DUDE. NOTHING RELATED TO WHAT YOU SAID, OF COURSE.

Yeah, try not to think too much about it. Moving on, we'd like to know your favorite color.

What kind of question is that?

HEY, WE'RE NOT THAT GOOD WITH MATERIAL.

Okay..? Well, if you must know, it's blue, like my t-shirt.

Right. And how did you find out about this camp?

I found out about it through a poster taped to a tree. Said something about winning this camp and receiving something as a prize. And I thought to myself, "Hey, this sounds like fun," so I decided to sign up for it. Pretty straightforward, I think.

YOU LEAD A PRETTY INTERESTING LIFE, DUDE.

Well, I wouldn't really consider if that intere-

MOVING ON, DUDE. WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE MORNING OF NOVEMBER 5?

What.

I think he was pretty clear with what he said.

I WAS, DUDE. HEY, TRY NOT TO THINK TOO MUCH ON THESE QUESTIONS.

They're... oddly specific, though?

HEY, I'M JUST SAYING WHAT COMES TO MIND. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THOUGHTS I CAN COME UP WITH NEXT, DUDE.

Okay? Well, I'm not sure what occured during that time period. I was passed out taking a nap.

WELL, WAS ANYONE THERE BEFORE YOU TOOK THAT NAP?

No, not that I remember. I think I was all alone or something.

Well, hey, at least you slept with no one around.

Yeah, if they were there, we would've slept for days!

Oh ho ho ho!

Anyway, thank you for letting up interview you. We'll put your answers into thought.

Is that supposed to mean something?

YOU OVERTHINK EVERYTHING, DUDE.

Eh, I try not to.

Jurta promptly leaves the room.

Well, Spike, only a few more left to do.

SURE, DUDE. BUT I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK AND PLAY SOME SMASH.

Well, I know for a fact I'm going to beat you this time. You're on, Spike.