George Washington

Not to be confused with Gorge Washington or Forge Washington.

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My honest ass could never tell a lie!

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George "Old Fox" Washington was the first president of the United States. He is now a professional footballer for AFC Bournemouth. Bournemouth are his dream team, especially because they are named "the Cherries". This comes after his sudden interest in cherries in response to an incident in his early years.

That incident was when he beat up a cherry tree with all his strength. His father, overlooking the incident, RKO'd George Washington to the ground after lying about it, saying a beaver chopped it down. Can you believe it? A president of the United States just told a lie.

Prior to his career with Bournemouth, he owned a cherry-themed bakery a year after his presidency, with his signature cherry cakes being some of the finest in the area. Washington then stumbled upon Premier League football. The fact that a team nicknamed "The Cherries" were in made him instantly call the club's manager. He said he wanted to make the wide world of cherries more known. Even during his footballing career, he still makes his signature cherry cakes to this day.