Lord C. Klumpyan

Lord Calvin Klumpyan LVI is a governmental official, competitive Splatoon 5 player, and inventor best known for the creation of the Go Sign.

Nicknames

Klumpyan has collected a variety of nicknames over the years. Here some of them are:

Despite its informality, "Lordy Klumpyan" is his favorite nickname. He tends to burst into fits of laughter whenever it is used.
- Said laughter has also earned him the less commonly used nickname of "Snorty Klumpyan," by the way.
He plays a variety of sports, including Basketball, Football, and Cheese Rolling. Call him Sporty Klumpyan.
Klumpyan stands at a height of 4'5". Haha, Shorty Klumpyan.
He loves tea parties. People think of this as him adhering to royalty stereotypes. In reality, he just has a fascination with teapots. Pour Tea Klumpyan.

Much of his lawmaking efforts went into the removal of wild boars from dumpsters (he would later achieve this by using a Go Sign for the purpose of animal control). Because of him, everyone was able to enjoy a Boar-Free Dump Can
Following the release of Spore 3 in 2047, its price dropped dramatically due to a series of mishandlings by the marketing team. Klumpyan, who felt it wasn't given a fair shot to succeed, held a LAN party for it. This raised awareness, convincing people to take advantage of the reduced price, and boosting sales. This was known as his Spore 3 Slump LAN.
It's a well known fact that you can tell your tree's age by the amount of rings in it's stump, but do you know what you can tell from how wide the stump is? I don't actually remember! Still, it's helpful to know Your Tree's Stump Span.
The car he drove during his traumatic stop-sign wait was actually an invention of his own: An all-terrain passenger vehicle that specializes in hilled areas, it boasts the enjoyable ability to slide across sandy beaches as if they were snowy mountains. The Shore-Ski Bump Van.
A less successful invention of his was a cheese-flavored cereal with an oatmeal-like texture. While the concept likely turned consumers away, the not-at-all catchy slogan certainly didn't help. "Hey kiddo, would you like some More Brie Lump Bran?"

Apparently the actual surname "Klumpyan" isn't even pronounced like that. It's more like, "clump-eye-en." That's disappointing, but it's the best I was able to find.
Why did I even make "C." the initial. Like, I figured D or E would be too obvious, but this really doesn't roll off the tongue. I could have done, like, Thomas Klumpyan. "Lord T. Klumpyan." Would have at least sounded better.