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BREAKING NEWS
Surveys were returned to the bureau today. Dir. Hylin Arbature performed cursory analysis but came up empty-handed in her hypotheses. There were simply no conclusions to be drawn.

"It's as simple as that," said Forrester, "we regularly dubicate on these sorts of findings, but [the] flat truth of it all is that there wasn't any correlation between the dry-routes and the antiperturbiant layer dynamics." Forrester went on to discuss potential dindings that could've been uncurthed if the surveys were more andrulatory. The bureau continues to ... (cont'd pg. B18)