Snacksuke
 | Yummy! This article was awarded NerpaPunch Berry Blast! Keep those tasty recipes coming! |
Snacksuke | |
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 Snacksuke in 2022, witnessing the discovery of the mystical choco-banana swirl | |
| Born | August 24, 1859 |
| Status | Rich |
| Citizenship | Self-ruling |
| Occupation | Making the future of innovation a delicious endeavor! |
| Era | The good one |
| Known for | ZebraSTRIPEZ, NerpaJellies, GirlSnax, fentanyl lacing |
| Movement | Galumphing |
| Criminal penalty | 2 days of community service |
| Website | https://camp2.rectangle.zone/index.php?title=User:Chubs |
Snacksuke (born August 24, 1859) is the mascot for, founder of, and ultimate lifeform representing the snack food brand and B Corporation Snacksuke Delights (styled in ALL-UPPERCASE). Snacksuke is most notorious for her world-renowned Chocolate-Flavor NerpaJellies, which the world had renowned in 2022 for its trace fentanyl content, causing these little chocolate morsels of joy to be contraband by every government across the globe. Snacksuke does not recognize the authority of any master, and continues to sell her concoctions to the feelings of millions across the globe.
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According to a sciencey study published by the independent non-profit SNACKSUKE Delights Foundation, Chocolate-Flavor NerpaJellies (or "chocojellies") have no adverse health effects.[citation needed] Enjoy this sweet treat guilt-free!
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History
On the back of every delicious pack of Snacksuke Delights-branded food is a nostalgic retelling of the company's humble beginnings. This clearly meets this wiki’s bias and verifiablity standards so we'll just paste it in full here:
We all love snacks. Snacksuke loves snacks too. So much so that she named herself after them. Snack-suke. Get it? Get it? Get it? Snacksuke started her company after coming back empty-handed on her quest to find the perfect snack. All the ones she could find were filled with artificial colors and sweeteners. But not enough of them! Frustrated at the absolute state of snacking, she angrily stomped out of her local Whole Foods and set off to create something different. A snack with all the corn syrup, Red 40, and trans fats one could ask for. The result was a little morsel of pleasure, a “delight” if you will, that would make anybody blush! She then borrowed her dad's factory and mass produced these [PRODUCT NAME]s for all the world to enjoy! That includes you, for now!
Wow… what an inspiring story about the pursuit of the American dream or something. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Yeah, ‘cause I'm bored to ‘em!
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Oh ho ho ho!
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Personal life
Snacksuke was born into this world during the most unforgiving rainstorm of the year. She had nothing but some twigs, some twine, and undying hope. She also had 1.2 billion dollars.
Philanthropy
"I like their product! I wanted 'em to have a little walkin' around money!"
—Snacksuke, upon being asked about why she sends 10% of her profits to PopCorners
Snacksuke has described her company as the “Ben & Jerry’s of high-fructose corn syrup” because they are both snack companies that do many activisms. Snacksuke does the most profitable activism of them all, dedicating her company to the mission of spreading awareness to and ending the stigma surrounding high-fructose corn/maize syrup. Each year, the company donates 20% of their funds to the Corn Refiners Association, 10% of their funds to PopCorners, and 1% of their funds to Mr. Corn in Nebraska due to an ongoing license dispute. This allows her to register parts of her company as a non-profit organization, saving her billions in taxes. Thrifty!
Phil and trophy
Products
Snacksuke’s likeness has promoted various products over the years. All diverse, and all absolutely scrumptious!
| Name | Released | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| ZebraSTRIPEZ | 1996 | Snacksuke Delights’ first product! These chocolate orbs are styled after the seal herself, the vanilla and chocolate jamboree being inspired by her multi-colored fur. Love wins! |
| ZebraSTRIPEZ GuMmIeZ | 1997 | Released after the success of ZebraSTRIPEZ, these fruity gummies are chewier and gooier! Kiss The Chocolatier! |
| ZebraSTRIPEZ.com | 1999 | Snacksuke Delights enters the Internet age with all new Internet-inspired candies! The balls now represent the dot in .com. They're thebomb.net! |
| Okinberry Crunch | 2003 | Snacksuke Delights collabs with Kellogg’s to bring consumers this delightful okinberry-laced corn-based cereal grain brand product! |
| Zazaberry Crunch | 2004 | Released during the 2004 United States presidential election to promote the legalization of cannabis. It was only released in 2 states and is now LOST MEDIA 😭🕊️ |
| Chocolate Oreo® Shake - Large | 2006 | “A Chocolate Oreo® Shake - Large is a tasty and delicious beverage rich in many healthies, such as the powerful Calcium and Vitamins.” - Jurta (Snacksuke Delights spokescat) |
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💖 GirlSnax NerpaLovelies 💖 |
2008 | Snacksuke Delights enters the lucrative Girl market with these perfectly pink NerpaLovelies for girls! They are oh so cutes! |
| Lemon Cough Drop | 2009 | Snacksuke Delights enters the lucrative 2009 swine flu pandemic market with these perfectly yellow cough drops for coughers! Sold individually. |
| ZebraSTRIPEZ Chomby Banana Swirl | 2012 | Just...so...RETRO!!!! ZebraSTRIPEZ are BACK in an all-new banana flavor! Banana, chocolate, vanilla, and corn syrup? Oh my! It’s a match made in heaven! 👼 |
| NerpaJellies | 2015 | Gummy and fruity! These ain’t (are not) your grandma's fruit snacks! These are fruit SNAX! Try them on April 1, 2025! |
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💖 GirlSnax NerpaJellies 💖 |
2016 | NerpaJellies, now for girls! Peaches, flowers, and hearts. All the fruits a consumer in the Girl market could ever ask for! Try them tomorrow! |
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💖 They/themSnax GenderJellies 💖 |
2021 | Wha... Snacksuke goes woke..? So sads... |
| Chocolate-Flavor NerpaJellies | 2022 | “omg...they really put fentanyl in my SNACKSUKE DELIGHTS Chocolate-Flavor NerpaJellies 😭💀” - In a Nutshell, betrayed Snacksuke fan |
In popular culture
Snacksuke is so famous, everyone wants to reference her in all their medias!
- In the season 38 The Simpsons episode Five Nights at Neddy's, Rod and Tod can be seen playing with a Snacksuke plush.
- Snacksuke Delights is a recurring sponsor of The Daily Object Show podcast.
- Sancksuke makes a cameo in the Federal Bureau of Investigation's National Crime Information Center.
- Snacksuke is the mascot for The Wiki Camp 2. Well-deserved!