Drake

Drake has died.

“	Geronimooooooo!	”
	— Drake's final words

Aubrey "the Drake" Graham (October 24, 1986 - October 8, 2021) was the type of guy to lose all his money and wear a barrel. He gained nationwide recognition for his songs, which distinctively featured the bassoon and xylophone, as well as his de facto producer tag: "My name is Drake and I'm here to say". His career took a sharp turn, however, when his nemesis recorded a conversation out of context, in which Drake reportedly said that he "hates his fans" and that he thought "bravery and hope is pointless!" It was later revealed that he prefaced each statement with "I don't", but by that point he was already shunned by his village and isolated from his friends.

Drake the type of guy to say "Make sure you get my good side!" when posing for this photograph.

Though Drake had been smeared as a big fat phony, he would continue making music for himself. He would live the rest of his life in episodic misadventures from town to town before ultimately meeting his untimely doom by slipping on a banana peel and falling into a manhole. To this day, his ghost shows up on Halloween to say BOO! at small children, before they laugh at him and make him feel bad for not being scary enough.

Discography

• The First Drake Album (Posthumous)
  • "Gangnam Style"
  • "Nerpy Blues"
    • Parodied by "Weird Al" Yankovic in "Wiki Blues"
  • "Atlas Earth"
  • "HOSTFU"

Thoughts

Drake the type of guy to say "Drake likey!" and "Drake hate this!"

Drake the type of 4-year-old to respond with "No we can't!" while listening to the Bob the Builder theme.

Drake the type of rootin' tootin' cowboy to get into a quick draw and squint one of his eyes as he reaches for his gun while this song plays in the background.

Drake the type of guy to fall for the oldest trick in the book.

Drake the type of guy to die when he is killed.

Drake the type of guy to come home from school stomping up the stairs and slamming his door shut as his mom asks him how his day went after getting into drama with his friend group.

Drake the type of anthropomorphic cartoon bunny to tug at his ears whenever he's feeling anxious.

Drake the type of guy to say "Oh boy! Don't mind if i do!" before chowing down on a cartoonishly large ham

Drake the type of despicable supervillain to break out into maniacal laughter which gradually devolves into a coughing fit after conjuring up a master plan to defeat their sworn rival once and for all.

Drake the type of guy who likes filling his car when he's low on gas.

Drake the type of guy to dive into his bank vault when he is rich.

Drake the type of chef to stare in suspense after a critic is only able to mutter "this is...this is..." after taking a bite of his avant-garde recipe before sighing in relief when they finally conclude their sentence with "incredible!"

Drake the type of guy to hide behind an empty portrait frame and act as if it's a mirror, copying the movements of his pursuer.

Drake the type of guy to say he wishes something would happen around here while standing in an empty grass plain.

Drake the type of guy to say "Now if I were a remote... where would I be..." when he loses his remote

Drake the type of guy to sneakily feed his dog his hearty meal of brussel sprouts and broccoli under the dinner table, only for his parents to say "there's more where that came from!" after noticing his empty plate before giving him an even larger second serving.

Drake the type of guy to get into an argument with his friends and yell "some friends you are!" after they lose their trust in him and abandon him at the school playground.

Drake the type of guy to break his mom's favorite vase after leaving the living room window open while playing baseball outside.

Drake the type of guy to have his voice actor change in the middle of the production of his animated series, which is subsequently acknowledged in-universe by one of the characters noting how his voice sounds different.

Drake is the type of coyote to buy products from Acme Corporation to catch a roadrunner.

Drake the type of boy band member to have his autotune break in the middle of a concert, exposing him as a fraud, a fake, and a phony.

Drake the type of guy who is super sweet and nic;e and also he would never edit his own page to say nice things about himself and also he's very humble.

Notes

This article is sponsored by Felonius Gru.