Academic essay
I would literally pay someone[1] to write this essay for me! Put this on a T-Shirt
Draft 1
Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) okincheddur? Perchance.
I believe it was Kant who said “Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.” Mario exhibits experience by crushing turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating “Let’s-a go!” Keep it up, baby!
When Mario leaves his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero, but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.
Peer Review: Draft 1
no
Draft 2
Buckle your seats boys and girls, Professor or whoever is reading this at this spectacular time in your life because in eight short pages I am going to learn you a thing that I only know the basics when I was in 1st or 2nd grade and the rest I learned myself about two hours ago, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 3-AM-Monster-Energy-ADHD-Medicine-Induced-Self-Hatred-Fuelled-Writing-Extravaganza about Rosa Parks and what you are going to read is damn near the best thing you will probably read in a 30 minute time frame.
Peer Review: Draft 2
inappropriate introduction
Draft 3
In the Looney Tunes cinematic universe, many of the cartoon nemeses have a very clear goal. Wild Coyote wants to eat the Roadrunner. Pepe Le Pue wants to marry Penelope. Elmer Fudd wants to shoot Bugs (and who doesn't?). But it is unclear what if anything Tom wants to do with Jerry. Submitted for the approval of English 101. I propose that Tom actually has no interest in doing anything with Jerry, but instead fulfilling his class role as "house cat."
Heathcliff, Top Cat, Garfield, Sylvester — these are all famous cats, most of them cartoon.
Peer Review: Draft 3
This was supposed to be about Tom from The Great Gatsby! The Book we are reading!
Draft 4
The Uckinzaza holiday is a seasonal event that occurs on Pearberry Island every 5 years.
Nooper...Neeple...Neepo...Norpy... The norpana split 🍌
Peer Review: Draft 4
What are you smoking... CUS I WANT SOME! 😂😂😂😂
I'll have what he's having! 😂
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Draft 5
As we all know, Sonic had a rough transition to 3D. However, the first 3D Sonic game is not necessarily the one we think it is. Let me introduce you to Sonic Mega Ultra Speed Ultimate +, an obscure game that even Sega refuses to acknowledge. The game is the very first to be in 3D, and this is actually the best looking he ever looked. The game has a story mode, and this is where things start to get weird... In the story, Sonic goes seal clubbing.
Peer Review: Draft 5
i believe there is no god
Draft 6
Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest - for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.
Peer Review: Draft 6
References
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