Adios - Christmas Techo Scarf

(This is a copy of my leaving statement after it was revealed that I had quit competing in the Wiki Camp 2, primarily for ease of discovery and archival purposes.)

Hello, I'm ProblematicPeriwinklePlum. People often call me Peri or Plum for short, but I personally prefer Peri. I'm here today to announce that effective immediately, **I am withdrawing from The Wiki Camp 2's competition (as Christmas Techo Scarf).**

My main reason for leaving is primarily from a mental health standpoint. I initially started the competition on a lighthearted note. As the original goal of the camp was to have fun above all else, I made my competitor: Christmas Techo Scarf, a literal background character. Christmas Techo Scarf's page placed 2nd, and that gave me a pretty big ego boost to keep pushing forward. The second challenge was to make up a team, and I thought of Teem Fair-E Land. I wanted Teem Fair-E Land to do well, but ultimately pre-determined friend groups and people who made pages forst had their teams to well. I was disappointed, but I abandoned Teem Fair-E land as I thought of it as a lost cause.

I joined the Sponsored Segments afterward. The team lost, and it dwindled in membership. The next challenge was Edit War, and I really didn't put my heart into it, and that ultimately cost my team the challenge again. Surprisingly, I wasn't eliminated, and soon became the sole member of my team. That really put on the pressure. I made Sun Dried Techo Claw for Challenge 4, and it placed in the top 10. That gave me a confidence boost to keep moving forward. I looked forward to Challenge 5 and it turned out to be the most ambitious challenge yet: a collaborative effort between multiple competitors.

"Heart points, the main health system of Paper Mario for the Nintendo 64" was the page that I chose to work on. I have fond memories of playing the actual Paper Mario 64 game, and I thought that it would be fun. I had an idea where I would write a fan fiction based on a survey asking all of the enemies from that game their opinions on HP, which in the community are a strategic sticking point when considering Badges (in game mods to battle stats and whatnot). Well, it was fun! It was also not fun for me internally. I got to collaborate with 4DJumpman256 (aka Go Sign) and Christainoscgamer (aka Gamer) on the project, and I really enjoyed working with the two of them.

Notably, the deadline for Challenge 5 loomed closer and closer. Balancing myself between my college semester's finals, doing a daily drawing of a Techo every day, having a real life job at a university, among smaller obligations began to pile on and I began to become increasingly on edge and frustrated. I started to crunch myself and pressure Go Sign and Gamer to work on Heart Points. We had many plans for Heart Points that admittedly were cut for time (i.e. a Count Bleck takeover), as the deadline loomed closer and closer. Before the first delay, it was an absolute scramble as 3 chapters weren't written before the challenge was set to end. We had several chapters that were intended to be written solo that I had to butt in and try to write some sections in said chapters out just so we could meet the deadline. I am regretful of this myself as I wish to have preserved the original visions of Go Sign and Gamer's original chapters and contributions. It was all for naught, as the deadline for Challenge 5 was delayed. Twice.

Regardless, we had managed to finish Heart Points the night before the deadline. I felt highly relieved, and those who watched Heart Points unfold, from the hundreds of Dia images being dumped onto the Wiki, with all initially being planned to be used, though dozens had in fact, become unused. We also realised that the Wiki software was absolutely gutted by trying to render Heart Points in it's entirety, and that left a significant portion of the story being unrendered and therefore unreadable. I had to cut out several scenes I wrote (with one of them being a result of the crunch period, the epilogue to Chapter 7 specifically), which hurt a bit; but I ultimately wanted it to be fully readable as intended. Afterwards, the Wiki was locked and all that left was judging.

For weeks, I was worried that Heart Points would break rules established by the formula that would greatly harm it and ultimately make it a losing entry. Even if I put in a lot of effort, and that effort broke a lot of rules, then I've doomed myself and I would have felt as if I've betrayed Go Sign and Gamer as well. I've vented a few times about my worries, though I don't think I was able to articulate how I felt accurately at the time.

The day that the Challenge 5 results were going to be published, I actively tuned in to the live results and the voice chat accompanying it. To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. I had the voice chat open as I ate dinner, washed the dishes, brushed my cats, basically I tried to listen as closely as I could. Eventually, the start of the results began to roll out and my anticipation began to skyrocket. I began to sweat, shake, among other small quirks. Not to mention, one of my brothers had come to my house to visit and noticed that I "looked as if I had a terrible secret", and then I explained what the situation was. I felt like I'd die from embarassment, but he was supportive of me at the end. Ultimately, the time came. The edit was published.

Heart Points: 446.333... points.

Initially, Heart Points was ranked as second at the time. However, the results would continue to be published, and Heart Poimts would slide from third, to fourth, fifth, and ultimately placing sixth. By no means, that is not a rank to sneeze at. However, in the more fight or flight state that I've somehow managed to work myself up into, it definetly took a blow on me in the moment. Soon after, I was safe and wasn't up for elimination. I told my brother the news and he gave me a pat on the back. However, I reacted to this in a live chat with over a dozen different people. I did mute my mic at times when more personal affairs came up, i.e. my brother, but I was very much there to hear it all.

Next up: Challenge 6. For a few days after Challenge 5 concluded, I spent some time thinking how I'd top myself, such as no longer linking to Orphaned Pages as requested by Satomi or using citations heavily, being inspired by Lil Hal. Ultimately, I'd put those worries behind me until one day, I got a ping that I had to vote on decisions because I was a shareholder. At the time, I was in public (specifically a grocery store) and I immediately began to stress, but I decided to bandaid it and just place the template with no votes whatsoever. Cool. Now I can have the rest of the evening left to do things like falling on the pavement bringing in groceries and scraping my knee, or dreading having to eventually draw a Dung Techo if I were to claim that I drew every Petpet-only color on a Techo.

A few days later, I get a ping that there are people who want me to vote on the board decisions. I was hoping that it would go away, but it did not and there were in fact people who actively wanted to depend on me to make a decision. I immediately got defensive and said that I didn't want to make any decisions. I in fact, did not make any votes and was kicked off. Good ending. Next up was a "pre challenge", where we had to make a page that I didn't want to. I chose "Hot Dog Taste Test" because I despise hot dogs in real life and find them repulsive and am perplexed why things like hot dog eating competitions exist. I thought that was appropriate.

Later, the deadline came. I'm working, but can't help but try to see what the actual challenge was. Challenge 6 was to edit every other page suggested except yours. I was already planning on working on one big page that'd probably reach 250,000 bytes, but now I somehow had to divide that attention between a few dozen pages. The humid and hot weather didn't help, but I became snappy and on edge for the rest of my shift. I went home and wondered how I could possibly follow up my last work. I later came to a conclusion: I can't; or if I tried, it'd consume the next few weeks of my life. Considering how I already felt defeated by Heart Points personally despite it objectively being a huge success otherwise, I decided that it simply wasn't worth it anymore. Some people are built different, and I'm a person who isn't a leader, nor does well under pressure.

I pondered how I'd make an exit. Would I barely try and go out with a wimper? Do nothing at all? Or just quit? I think if I went with the first two, those who were active fans of my work would be disappointed with me just giving up (and I know that there are people rooting for me, and I do appreciate it!). Ultimately, I thought announcing I was quitting would be appropriate, as I could talk in length over what has gone on with me internally to come to this decision instead of trying to sideline the issue like I've once tried beforehand, and leave with my head held high and hoping for the future instead of floundering and falling off.

To summarize, this was simply becoming to stressful and onmipresent in my life that I felt embarassed and pressured by, when I don't think that this was ever the intention of the camp. Will I leave The Wiki Camp 2 as a whole? **No!** I will probably make more nonsense pages on the Wiki if I have the time. One page I'm working on is the results to the Techo Color Popularity Poll that I had shared here beforehand. I'll also still be on the Discord server.

Lastly, I'd like to give a special thanks to 4DJumpman256 and Christianoscgamer for collaborating with me to make Heart Points. From me personally to the two of you, I'm sorry that I pressured you, and I do appreciate the hard work you've done. They were the closest I've ever had to actual teammates as my teammates simply fizzled out with time, and after the failure of both Teem Fair-E Land and The Sponsored Segments, it gave me some validation that there were people who were there that would help and stand by your side, and I'm grateful for that.

For those that managed to get through this verbose rambling of mine, I'd like to thank you as well! You're kind enough to read into why things the way they were for me. And with that, it's time to sign off The Wiki Camp 2. Will I rejoin if I was given the opportunity? I don't think I will, but time is a nebulous thing and maybe it'll change my mind, or if a Wiki Camp 3 happens, I could return with a more casual approach. Who knows? I'm hopeful for the future.