As-Is Records 2.0
As-Is Records 2.0 is a multinational entertainment conglomerate headquartered in Cincinnati, Ohio. It is one of the record corporations in the United States. While it currently represents only Playlist, it has plans to expand to other bands. For example, the corporation has expressed interest in a deal with the Hardware Overclock Sound Team, should such an organization still exist.
History
Founding
As-Is Records started as The Arsenic Shop, a tiny little music store on the corner of Fifth & Wabash, just down the block from the ice cream shop and the hot dogs.[citation needed] It was originally run by Jim Arsenic, the head of this little[citation needed] company. Jim has always loved music[citation needed] and would pay the local kids five[citation needed] bucks to play a really, really good[citation needed] song. One day, Jim's buddy[citation needed] Stu Instrumental Services told him, "hey, why don't you make it official? You should be paying a lot more than five bucks to those little tykes!"[citation needed] Jim agreed, and the two of them decided to use the proceeds from the little music store to get those talented youngsters to perform original songs out back the shop.[citation needed] A tradition became a business, and a business became a legend.[citation needed] Jim and Stu remained close friends,[citation needed] even after Stu left the company due to creative differences.[citation needed]
Layoffs
On October 7, with the announcement of Halftime, As-Is Records laid off 39,998 people in observance of the new restriction on team sizes. As of October 7, As-Is Records consisted of two employees: Jim Arsenic and Playlist, their sole client. When As-Is Records did not win the two-member prize, they hired back nearly 80% of their former employees, returning to a size of 31,500.
Acquisition
On November 18, As-Is Records was purchased by Sealon Musk for an undisclosed sum. Jim Arsenic stated in interviews that he is "okay" with the purchase. In the press release announcing the purchase, Musk promised to make their musical clients "more hardcore than ever" and take their musical performances to the next level. He intends to "revolutionize the music industry" with "new types of sound that nobody has ever heard." Musk has no musical experience.
2.0
On the evening of November 18, the corporation formerly known as Arsenic Instrumental Services & Records Corp. instead became known as "As-Is Records 2.0." The CEO stated that this would be a new direction for the company, expressing disinterest in "keeping around all the extra words. What do they even mean?" He is also alleged to have sent out an important email to the company's 31,500 employees, although the contents of this email remain unknown.
Hog Rider
Everyone at As-Is Records loves the Hog Rider, and loves people who love the Hog Rider. Please take note of this if you love the Hog Rider! Due to the acquisition, As-Is Records 2.0's current position on the Hog Rider is unknown.
Music Publishing
| Band | Contract Begins | Albums Released | Fate |
|---|---|---|---|
| Goofy and the Whatchamacallems | 04/04/1998 |
|
Defunct, 9/2/2003 |
| Baskets of Caskets | 10/31/1999 |
|
Defunct, 6/3/2008 |
| Ill-Advised Chess Openings | 01/01/2000 |
|
Defunct, 01/02/2000 |
| - | - | - | Information on artists between 2000 and 2022 is unknown. The company appears to have destroyed its records of artists contracted during this time. |
| Playlist | 10/05/2022 |
|
Active |
Controversies
Layoffs
Following the October 7 Halftime announcement, people began suggesting that As-Is Records 2.0 had laid off all but two of its employees solely to win the elusive two-person team prize. Jim Arsenic, former CEO, denied these allegations. He claimed that As-Is Records 2.0 is "a team and a family," and that this action was "what was best for everyone," subsequently announcing a sale on records to make up for the incident. As-Is Records 2.0 did not receive a two-member prize, and subsequently hired back most of its workforce.