Hippopotamus
The hippopotamus, nicknamed hippo, is a semi-aquatic herbivorous mammal found in sub-Saharan Africa, with an invasive population in Colombia (you can thank Pablo Escobar for that). Hippos, along with their smaller cousins, the pygmy hippos, are the only living hippopotamids, as well as the third largest land mammals in existence after elephants and rhinos. Their closest relatives are the cetaceans.
The term hippopotamus comes from Ancient Greek ἱπποπόταμος, meaning "river horse", cuz they seem chill in the river, right? In reality, the hippo is a fearsome foe with a terrible jaw, capable of smashing even crocodiles into porcelain. This makes it an effective seal exterminator, as a southern elephant seal is no match for a bloodthirsty hippo. Hippos are more active at night, in contrast to their relaxation in the water during the day. The primary diet of hippos is the luxurious Melon Ponsuke, given to them by local farmers.
Hippo hop
| “ | Hippo hop! | ” | |
| — Gloria | |||
Hippos love listening to this genre of music. It is allegedly so fucking funny that it makes people want to merge without looking.[rumsfeld] Among the finest hippo hop artists of all time was Hippocrates, who ruled the local hippodrome with his sick beats.