Owen Noeyes

Owen Noeyes was a British politician famous for multiple grand achievements in the space of Wales. Despite his last name, Owen has one eye, but lacks both ears. Experts suggest this is a defence mechanism meant to confound and trick enemies and potential predators.

Early Life

Owen Noeyes was born on December 25th, 2020. He attended Weed High School and achieved average grades in most classes, with top marks in band (where he played as an oboe.)

COLOSSES 2022

During the COLOSSES 2022 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Tournament, Owen Noeyes decided to participate, having been in Lyon, France for "undisclosed reasons."

This was his first time playing a video game. As such, he played every set with his controller upside-down and never once pressed any of the buttons, opting instead for what would be dubbed by the commentators as "analog stick strats." He played Wolf, seeing as the dog-like character reminded him of his childhood puppy (it is worth noting that he nearly picked Duck Hunt before realizing the character incorporated a "bird" into its moveset.)

Owen's first match was against nerpaseymour, who was disqualified. This allowed him passage into a new stage of the game. Unfortunately, his next two matches were against techtactoe and FakeKidsReviewToys, the first and seventh placers respectively. Given that this was his first time ever playing a video game he was unfortunately defeated both times. However, he did manage to take two stocks off of FakeKidsReviewToys, which was not an easy task.

When asked about his performance in the game post-defeat, he was noted as saying "Sorry, I can't hear you, I don't have any ears."

Death

Owen Noeyes would go on to pass away peacefully at the age of 3.

Trivia

• It says Owen NoeyeS. He's allowed to have one.