Twitter's Doomsday Clock

Howdy! I'm Renaissance the Seal

Errors such as these featuring the "Fail Seal" are now a common occurrence on Twitter

Factors

60 seconds

• Potential paywall for Twitter.
• Possible bankruptcy? Elon Musk said so himself.
• Twitter Blue imploded on itself, didn't even last a day!
• US regulators getting involved I think! One said that Elon Musk is "not above the law".
• Thousands of people now unemployed. Twitter also losing tons of money. Yeowch!
• So many. God damn. Resignations. Including Twitter's executives who had a lot to do with privacy and moderation!
• "Twitter [does] not have the necessary cash to survive" yeah potential bankruptcy is potential
• Billions in fines at Elon's doorstep.
• Tons of advertisers are pulling out. Elon Musk is begging for them to stay! Nobody likes beggars.
• Here's The Verge's summary of everything that's happened since Musk's acquisition as of November 11.

-5 seconds

• Major ad firm Omnicom recommending clients to suspend ads on Twitter. LOL!

+6000000000000000000000000000000000000000 minutes

• @CHUBSWORLD_ has a Twitter account!

Hooray!

-6000000000000000000000000000000000000000 minutes

• @therobot47 no longer has a Twitter account!

What? What did I do?

-25 seconds

• Elon Musk scratches his ass during a shareholder meeting. Oops! Teach that boy some manners!

What? It's not even that weird. We should normalize this.

+24 seconds

• Elon Musk apologizes to each shareholder for itching his ass in front of them. Most have forgiven him, and even given him a kiss on the cheek. Aww!

Yay!

+0 seconds

• Elon Musk excuses himself to go to the bathroom.
• Elon Musk uses the bathroom
• Elon Musk washes his hands with water

-24 seconds

• Elon Musk didn't use soap! Just water!

-20 seconds

• Twitter's moderation team saw a tweet with a picture of Freddy Fazbear and got scared and are now all hiding under the table... Uh oh!

+19 seconds

• Phew! Elon Musk lured the scared moderation team back to work using a piece of cheese.

-19 seconds

• The Twitter Logo Bird just shat on my ice cream from above... I was gonna eat that!

+1 second

• Aww! Top Twitter investor just saw a funny seal video!

+49 seconds

• But what about Statley and Waldonf? They made an account on Twitter dot net.

-59 seconds

• Shit! Those two old puppets already got themself ban!

+4 seconds

• Ooh! A Twitter employee found a dime on the street, and donated it to the company! Nice!

+5 seconds

• Elon Musk found a dime too! That's helpful!

Locking in on 10 seconds

• elon musk: erm... there isn't enough room up here!

-2 seconds

• Smart idea you seal.

Imminent

• Goodbye, Twitter. You had a... somewhat good run?

-1 picosecond

• He locked himself out of his own company. Lmao! This is not enough to change the imminent demise of the platform though. !oamL

???????????????????????????

• 238 employees left. They're most likely confused right now. This has never happened to a company this large before.

.

• Oh hey how's Twitter doin
• 
• true

WTF

• Elon Musk is planning on putting the entire Twitter API behind a paywall. $150 a month MINIMUM! rip to the wiki camp 2 twitter account :/ boo hoo!

A Lot

• why is the icon doge

negative infinity years

• yeah it's long gone at this point for many reasons actually. thanks a lot elon

100 Wonderful Years!

• Rising influencer and billionaire Richard Guy purchases Twitter. States he plans to give the site a brand new, bubbly, touch. Experts say Guy may just be able to save the site, if he adds Drone-delivered shopping, web7 technology, animated avatars, GPS, 1 on 1 voice calls, tax support, college courses you can take in-app, free movies and tv shows, Twitter Original programming, package tracking, and a virtual Christmas tree this year.