David

You're probably thinking "There goes that dumb stick figure again. He's so stupid and annoying!" And if you thought that, then you'd be wrong, because I'm not stupid. I guess it never occurred to you that I don't speak the same language as you. In my language, the words "Aw, seriously?" have several meanings that you couldn't possibly understand. Oh, and also if you thought my name was David, you'd be wrong again because my name isn't David. My name is actually a word that you probably can't pronounce, but the reason why people think my name is David is because I come from a group of stick figures known as the "Davidians". Now there are a lot of Davidians, for example Dora is a Davidian, but she's not my sister, she's my cousin so get that right! While some Davidians look different and weird, most Davidians look exactly the same so that to some people they can't tell the difference, so they just all call us "David" as if we're the same person, which we're not and that's kind of offensive to me, so... Yeah. I hope that you realize that my name isn't David. So I hope that helps you understand who I am, and I'm not just a weird stick figure.

So anyway, I keep getting asked this same question over and over again: "Why is David so fat?". I mean, if you compare him to a normal stick figure he's just like so obese! I mean he must have just let himself go. Well, I didn't become fat because I'm lazy as you probably thought. See, a long long time ago (or really it was just one year ago, but it has to sound cool like that); I used to look exactly like that normal stick figure you had in your mind. I was like, really thin and stuff. I was really thin, but things changed. So one day a long time ago I was playing with my many knives and I realized that the thinner the blade was, the easier it was to cut stuff, and that was pretty cool I thought. So, I then looked at my arm and I realized that my arm is a line and a line has no thickness, right? So it's pretty much infinitely thin, so it's infinitely sharp. I realized I could cut through anything extremely easily; it was like I was just cutting through air when I'm really like cutting through steel or something like that.

That was really cool and for the rest of that day I just sliced things up 'cause it was so fun. And then a couple hours later when I was like cutting up a building or something I'm not really sure; I realized if m arms are cutting through things so easily, why don't my legs cut through the ground? And then that's when I realized: they do. So I fell into the ground and that wasn't very fun. Luckily my head didn't fall through because my head is a ball, or a sphere. So I'm just sitting here with only my head showing, and I realized that I can't move at all. I'm not sure exactly what to do. I have to be careful not to move my limbs too quickly, or else I'll just slice myself up and that doesn't sound very fun. So as I'm trying to stay as still as possible I decided to call for help because I can't really do anything. I soon realize that all the other Davidians are in the same problem too, so yeah we're all just kind of stuck, and I really don't know what to do.

So after about five days I think; I realized there's an apple tree right by where I fell. And after enough pounding with my head some apples fell down, and I ate them. And, well I kept doing that for months and eventually I gained enough weight so that my legs were wide enough so that they wouldn't cut through the ground, and then I could stand on the ground for once instead of just falling right through. And that's why I'm so fat today because I don't wanna fall through the ground and be stuck there like before. And so that's why I'm so fat. And that pretty much answers that question I hope.

— DavidAppreciator2763 in 2 David 7:63