Christopher Columbus

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. His ultimate desire was spices from India, but the Ottoman Empire blocked access, so he had to find another way. Columbus's voyage would be a game changer, as it led to a brand new, undiscovered land...

Readers added context
All of this is bullshit, and I'm here to tell you why. Columbus never "discovered" the Americas. Indigenous people have thrived there for millennia. Columbus only found it. To make matters worse, his findings led to genocide and settler colonialism. Is that really something to celebrate every October? Fuck no. Therefore, please ignore the paragraph above this post, because it's all a scam. Thank you. Readers added context i am evil columbus. i discovered it as soon as the continent formed! mu hahaha Is this note helpful? Rate it
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Legacy

In U.S. history, Christopher Columbus is known as the inventor of America, freedom and capitalism. Students in the American education system must pledge their unquestioned allegiance to him every morning as part of every curriculum, and hedonists who do not stand for the pledge are often sent to be processed into glue.

Out of respect for Columbus' journey for spices, the British promised to never use seasonings in any of their cuisine.

Trivia

• Columbus mistaking the Americas for India is a subtle reference to the average geographic knowledge of modern day Americans.
• The countries of Colombia and New Columbia, the province of British Columbia, the District of Columbia, and the state capitals of Columbus, Ohio and Columbia, South Carolina are named after him.