The Tweaked Should Fear The Strong is the second episode of season 2 of Senioritis and the twenty-fifth episode of the series overall. It originally aired on Fox on November 10th, 2019. The episode was written by Iwanta Emmy.
Basil gets roped up by chemistry teacher Mr. Schnapps into a high-stakes drug ring inside Nearview High and must decide between the health of students and keeping their school lunches funded. Kayla and Josephine learn to torrent with the help of the school librarian.
Plot
Act I
Chase confronts Basil about his lunch in the fire hazard alley.
While sitting in the fire hazard alley during lunch, Aditi and Chase are reminiscing on the Lunchables meals they ate in elementary school when they notice Basil eating green beans and a hot dog bun. When asked, Basil points out how those are the only foods the school cafeteria serves which he can eat at the end of the week as Orthodox Christians refrain from eating animal products on Fridays.
During Basil’s chemistry class the following period, he notices how his carnivorous classmates who usually eat the school lunches have become sickly. This includes Kayla, who complains she looks like a zombie from the film Train to Busan. Josephine admits to never watching that movie, causing Kayla to promise they will watch together soon. As Mr. Schnapps begins his lecture, Basil's insufficient nutritional intake causes him to drift away into a nap, which he wakes up from at the end of the class after Schnapps gives him a graded quiz from a week prior, which Basil received a high mark on. When the bell rings, Schnapps requests that Basil stay after class. Schnapps talks to Basil about his performance in the class. He notes that Basil takes naps in his class twice a week, as well as during "the entirety of December and two months before Arbor Day" (Basil points out that Orthodox Easter fell on that day this year). Despite this, he is still one of his class' most performant students. Schnapps sees this as a mark of a creative chemist, and leads him to a hidden section in the school's boiler room, where industrial mixers and food processors can be found.
Schnapps tempts Basil with the Improbable Nuggets after showing him the lab.
Schnapps bluntly reveals that he worked with the school principal Jenny Miao to buy these machines and raise money for the school by making methamphetamine, which he has begun lacing in the school lunches and adding as an option to the vending machines to get students addicted. He asks Basil to use his seemingly natural talent in chemistry to assist him. At first, Basil is reluctant, as he takes out his phone and begins to slowly dial the police. However, Schnapps promises him that this is truly the school's last resort and he can have a stake in distributing the money they make to whichever areas of the school he wants, including by introducing higher-quality foods such as a new plant-based chicken nugget, Improbable Nuggets, to the school cafeteria. Basil, knowing numerous friends who have grown up on school lunches and being desperate for new vegan options, reluctantly agrees upon hearing this proposal.
Basil begins his first shift with Schnapps during lunch the following day, where he gives Schnapps tips on how to make a purer batch of meth. He also assigns Basil with the task of relaying their creations to the cafeteria workers, as "any reasonable cop would expect someone your age to be into that sort of thing". When Basil visits the cafeteria to hand off their batch, he notices that most of the students relying on the school lunches are on a free lunch program.
Act II
To make more money off their operation, he advertises the school lunch to his wealthier classmates, beginning by offering samples of the drug-laced food to Kyle and Philip during their AP Research class. Kyle notes that the food still tastes disgusting but has a new "tingle" to it. Kyle gives another sample to Tara to confirm his suspicions. From there, the whole class gets unknowingly hooked on the school lunches. In a montage, students begin paying for lunches multiple times a day while Schnapps and Basil repeatedly present the money they made at the end of each day to Miao.
A week after they partnered, Schnapps tells Basil that the schools has finally raised enough money to convert the "asbestos experimentation lab" into a computer lab, which the school has currently locked away from students so they can mine Bitcoin with. Despite this, they still do not have enough to introduce Improbable Nuggets to the cafeteria, much to Basil's disappointment. During this conversation, the bell rings and they both rush to the chemistry classroom, where all the students are under the clear influence of methamphetamine. They're dead silent when they arrive, they twitch at something as simple as Mr. Schnapps moving his hand, and get easily distracted when trying to answer his questions. A student even admits turning down an acceptance to Vanderbilt University and trying to hold himself back a grade to use the school's cafeteria for another year. At the end of the day, Basil overhears a conversation between Miao and the assistant principal Shant Khatcherian. Khatcherian is yelling about the sudden academic slump the Nearview magnet program has been on, and demands her to get to the bottom of their weak performances before the AP exams approach and they become ineligible for their "George Bush Bucks". Miao attempts to steer the conversation away from academics by pointing out how the school is in better shape than ever, but to no avail.
Act III
When cashing in the money they raised the next day, Miao gifts Basil his own personal bag of Improbable Nuggets, as she heard all about how badly he wanted them from Schnapps. Basil appears uneasy about this but tries to be nice to Miao about it. When he leaves the room, Khatcherian is standing right in front of the door, and immediately questions why Miao gave him those nuggets. Basil claims it was a gift for an outstanding win as a world chess tournament, but this makes Khatcherian suspicious as "no Russian could never beat even the most rabiz of an Armenian at chess". Frustrated, he resorts to consulting I.T. Guy to view Basil's school laptop location history. He notices that each day for the past week during lunch, Basil takes the same path from the boiler room to the school cafeteria to his chemistry class. The timing of this new route with the drop-off in academic performance causes him to suspect Schnapps as having something to do with the cause.
The next day, when Basil sits down at the fire hazard alley with his tray of Improbable Nuggets, Aditi and Chase weakly comment on how real they look, to which Basil agrees. He takes a bite into one and struggles to hold a conversation with his friends, then looks around the halls and sees his other classmates in a zoned out state before his eyes land on a confrontation between Khatcherian and Schnapp. Khatcherian summarizes his discoveries from the IT room, which Schnapp repeatedly denies. As they walk past the boiler room, they pause their argument when they both hear a loud clunk. This turns out to be Basil, who used the wiffle bat from Ms. Lukomsky's classroom and ran over to the basement to try and smash the lab machines. While Schnapps berates Basil for seemingly going against his own motives, Basil tries to explain that he realized he forgot the point of the Friday fast and missed how the school was before he did so. Khatcherian then begins to slowly call the police, but changes his mind when Schnapps points out that he and Basil didn't use any of the meth themselves. When Schnapps then asks where the cafeteria is going to get their funding now, Basil assures Schnapps that he has a backup plan.
B-plot
Kayla searches for a rip of Train to Busan in the school's library.
Meanwhile, the B-plot of the episode focuses on Josephine's and Kayla's adventures in piracy. In their AP Research class, they attempt to find a rip of Train to Busan using Google and websites on the surface web. These lead them to ads, scams, and blocked websites. Right before Kayla resorts to asking Reddit for a copy, Ms. Brooks berates them out of frustration for exemplifying how Gen Z has "forgotten the art of torrenting". When Kayla and Josephine ask what Brooks means by this, she ominously whispers for them to come over to her office, where she AirDrops them a copy of the movie on request. This causes Kayla and Josephine to become fascinated by torrenting, and Ms. Brooks is happy to share more information. Josephine and Kayla attempt to flex their piracy skills throughout the episode. When Florence gets annoyed by the ads on her free Spotify account, Josephine tries to torrent the Billie Eilish song she was trying to listen to on her personal laptop, though this ends up being an executable file which bricks her machine. As they become more addicted to the cafeteria food, they also torrent more eccentric files while going on confused rants about how information wants to be free.
The A and B-plots of the episode end up intertwining when Basil's plan is revealed to be a bootleg movie stand set up by Kayla, Josephine, and Basil, with all profits being donated to the cafeteria. Their steep discounts on movies end up being popular with students and Mrs. Brooks is proud of them. However, the I.T. Guy visits and announces that, due to the rampant piracy on the school's network, the electric company has been asked by all ISPs in the region to cut off any power to Nearview for the foreseeable future. The episode ends with the power in the school flickering out, and the credits rolling on a black screen.
you noticing this speaks for itself. brba refs would be obvious and make the episode feel like its only gag was being a parody instead of standing on its own. i think the storyboarders slipped a few in there though as they have no understanding of subtlety (kidding!)
May 23, 2022
After a first season where the students of Nearview High dominated episodes, showrunner Josephine Bow wanted the second season to have a greater focus on what staff and teachers did during the school day and how they impacted these students. Writer Iwanta Emmy saw this as an opportunity to write about school-wide conspiracies. This particular plot was based on "the incident" at her high school where an art teacher was arrested for having used their school's science lab to make methamphetamine during after-hours, though they did not distribute it to students like in the Senioritis episode. Emmy changed the teacher to a chemistry teacher because it "just felt right. Even if Breaking Bad never existed it feels like something every high schooler has wondered about their chem teachers before."
The B-plot about torrenting was originally met with concern from executives at Fox Entertainment, who saw the screenplay as being an invitation to pirate their shows and worried that viewers would replicate the torrenting tutorial given by Mrs. Brooks. To appease the higher-ups, Mrs. Brooks' instructions were rewritten to be more vague. The power outage at the end of the episode was also added as a precautionary measure right before the script was sent off to the animation teams.
Despite the synopsis' similarities to the 2008 crime drama television series Breaking Bad, as they both feature a high school chemistry teacher who resorts to selling drugs initially to fund an underfunded public service, Emmy revealed on Twitter that she tried to avoid as many references to the show as possible, calling them obvious and saying they would take the focus away from the unique elements of the episode's plot. Despite this, the visuals contain several references to Breaking Bad, with a character resembling Walter White appearing in the background of a scene, Mr. Schnapps' lab bearing a clear resemblance to Walter's Superlab, the meth that Basil and Schnapps lace into the food being blue, and a tracking shot of a fly being used to transition from a scene in the library to one in the lab.
Reception
Viewer ratings
The Tweaked Should Fear The Strong debuted on Fox's Animation Domination block on November 10th, 2019, where it was viewed by an estimated 2.3 million viewers with a 6.2 rating/11% share among adults between the ages of 18 and 49.
Critical reception
Kowan Raiser from The A.V. Club gave the episode a B, calling it a solid start for the show's second season. She praised the episode's humor and refreshing plot and called the piracy B-plot a "light-hearted, nostalgic romp which might teach the zoomer audience a thing or two". However, she criticized its inaccurate depictions of methamphetamine's impacts on the body which "felt like I was watching a preachy D.A.R.E. PSA, and I'm not sure that was meant to be part of the humor."
On Cartoon Brew, Chris Itica devoted an article to Senioritis, where he used the episode to exemplify the different approach the show takes to writing teenage characters compared to the other high school drama and comedy series being broadcast at the time. He concludes by complimenting the episode itself, saying "like all good season twos, it feels like Senioritis has finally found its footing."
On OkinSplat, users unanimously agreed that the episode was "lowkey dogwater".
"They're hiding it! Like how they hide the pool on the school's roof!" -Jonas, "The Panic School Bus" No conspiracies here, our episode transcripts have simply been moved! Check out the tabs at the top.
Cultural references
Josephine attempts to torrent Billie Eilish's Marvelous Mechanical Museum, the second studio album by eponymous pop singer Billie Eilish. Before release, this album was promoted as a cover of the 2005 Tally Hall album Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum. The contents of the two albums ended up being identical, except the track listing on the Billie Eilish album is set in all lowercase.
Train to Busan is a South Korean sitcom about zombies trying to make it big in Busan and getting into wacky hijinks while doing so. It was a key inspiration for Senioritis according to Josephine Bow.
The website Josephine and Kayla stumbled upon when trying to find Train to Busan was most likely NerpaPunch.
Nerpa = seal
Punch = punch
Gallery
Meme using promotional images and screenshots for the episode. Posted on the official Senioritis Twitter and Instagram accounts in 2020.
A silhouette resembling Walter White can be seen in the background of a shot in the lab.
Act I
Aditi, Chase, and Basil are sitting across from each other in the fire hazard alley, munching on their lunch and scrolling on their phones. A crunch is heard.
CHASE: Ew! What the hell? Why’s my PBJ crunchy?
ADITI: Uh… did you buy the crunchy peanut butter, maybe?
CHASE: There’s a crunchy peanut butter?
Aditi and Basil stare at Chase.
CHASE: It’s my first time packing something on my own! How am I supposed to know these things?!
BASIL: You’ll get there, Chase.
ADITI: And no matter what you make, it’s better than your usual… usual frickin’ Lunchables.
CHASE: As in frickin’ awesome! I don’t see a free Crunch bar in your lunch!
ADITI: Yeah, so to make up for that, I packed actual food.
CHASE: Whatever, man. At least we’re both doing better than Basil.
Chase scooches over to Basil’s side.
CHASE: What is that? Green beans? And a hot dog… bun? Michelle Obama didn’t die for this, dude.
BASIL: These were the only vegan options they had.
ADITI: Wait, since when were you vegan?
CHASE: I thought those only existed in stand-up routines.
BASIL: Yeah, they still do. But mine’s a fast from animal products twice a week, it's a religious thing in my case, y’know?
CHASE: Ah, okay. That makes it socially acceptable, then.
ADITI: …How about you guys lay off the vegans?
CHASE and BASIL: Sorry.
Intro plays.
Mr. Schnapps’ chemistry class begins, but Schnapps hasn’t arrived to class yet. Many of the students in the room appear nauseous, including Basil’s tablemates.
ANDREW: Urgh… Basil, pro-tip… do NOT try those big beef burritos at the cafeteria.
UNNAMED STUDENT #1: Beef? They told me that it was chicken…
JONAS: Honestly, it's looking like you guys probably ate frog. I would know.
BASIL: Is that why all the school lunch kids are sick?
The camera pans around the room of students. The Nearviewan students who are known to rely on the free and reduced lunches all look like they’re about to hurl.
JOSEPHINE: Kayla, are you good?
KAYLA: Noooo… I look like a zombie. Like from that movie…
JOSEPHINE and KAYLA: …Train to Bussin’
JOSEPHINE: Oh my gosh, that movie is, like, all you’ve been talking about the past week.
KAYLA: Yeah, cuz it slaps.
JOSEPHINE: It can’t be that good.
KAYLA: Josephine, we gotta watch it together soon. You’ll get the hype.
Mr. Schnapps enters the room.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Sorry I’m a bit late, guys. I got, uh, a bit caught up in some stuff. But now I’m here! And we can continue learning about… London dispersion forces.
KYLE: Pfft, London. Who discovered this? Big Ben?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Actually, it was named after a German guy…
KYLE: Pfft, Germany. Who discovered this?…uh… Notre Dame?
PHILIP: That’s in France.
KYLE: You just can’t let someone have their moment, can’t you, Philip?
MR. SCHNAPPS: So, uh… electrons aren’t like Legos. The electrons that make up atoms and molecules, well, they’re always in flux. Forces acting on them (??) them up from their original distribution. And when this happens…
Schnapps' lecture slowly fades out as Basil begins to drift away. He’s soon awoken by Andrew.
ANDREW: Basil… Basil!
BASIL: Huh? Whuhhappun?
Small giggles can be faintly heard.
MR. SCHNAPPS: I’m handing out the quizzes from last week.
He slides over Basil’s paper. A perfect score. Basil reads over it a bit before the bell rings.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Don't forget! If you ever need some corn syrup made for a project or something, ol’ Schnapps here has got you covered!
Basil begins to get up.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Oh, Basil! Could you stay behind for a bit?
They're now both at his desk at the front of the room.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Basil, to be quite frank, I don't seem to understand you. You come into this class, and half the time, I have to wake you up by the end! You do it on Wednesdays, you do it on Fridays… you did it all of December and on the two months leading up to Arbor Day!
BASIL: That was for Lent. Orthodox Easter fell on that day.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Woah, there's two Easters?
BASIL: It's a… it's a whole thing. But I promise I'll make it up to you!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Oh, no no, you don’t have to change a single thing about yourself. You’re brilliant! You treat this period like it’s naptime and you get perfect scores on every test? How do you do it?
BASIL: I dunno. I mean, I’ve always liked chemistry, so I guess a lot of this class comes pretty naturally to me.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Now THAT'S the mark of a true genius! The rest of the class, they only know that noble gasses can condense into liquids or not to put a fork in the microwave if I spoon fed them that. But your craftiness is exactly what I need for this secret project I’ve been working on.
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, I'm honored, but I should really be getting to my next period…
MR. SCHNAPPS: Trust me. Your teacher will understand.
Schnapps leads Basil to the meth lab deep in the school’s basement and inside the boiler room. When they arrive, Basil takes a moment to gawk at the equipment.
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps… how can the school afford all this?
MR. SCHNAPPS: I call it an investment! We both know this school has seen better days, so this stuff is so that we can finally get the money it's been missing.
BASIL: You're gonna make money off a bunch of food processors? How?
Schnapps checks if the coast is clear, then walks over to whisper into Basil’s ear.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Jenny wants to raise money for the school by getting the students hooked on meth.
BASIL: WHAT?!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Woah, woah. You guys should be thanking us! You get some meth and a premium education! You'd have to choose one or the other anywhere else!
BASIL: Maybe… if it was the 70s… but times change! You can't just drug Nearview!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Well, we’ve already begun! I struck a confidential deal with the cafeteria workers and we've been secretly lacing some of my wonderful creations into the school lunches. A sneaky amount. Just enough so that students get hooked and want to pay for seconds, but will never ever realize why. We also added it to the vending machines but that hasn’t been nearly as popular for some reason.
Basil looks more horrified. He slowly takes out his phone and begins to dial 911.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Wait! Basil, please, this is truly our last resort! We’ve done everything else you could think of! Asking the district for more money, asking the district to ask the state for more money, asking the district to stop spending all their money on 50,000 new iMacs every year… they just don’t seem to care about us! And old Schnapps here could really use a hand!
Basil doesn’t budge, and turns away from Schnapps.
BASIL: I don’t care! I don’t care. I can’t do this.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Wait, Basil!
BASIL: What?
MR. SCHNAPPS: What if… I let you choose any part of Nearview to fund with the money we make?
BASIL: …any part?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Any part! You need a more energizing lunch, right? Maybe these plant nuggets I was about to analyze the makeup of would do the trick.
He holds up a bag of Improbable Nuggets, and Basil looks behind himself.
BASIL: Are those Improbable Nuggets? Made with real soy protein concentrate?! Nah, those are way too bougie for Nearview.
MR. SCHNAPPS: But they don’t have to be, Basil! Imagine, every day at lunch, the cafeteria filled wall-to-wall with Improbable Nuggets. You’d never have to worry about mystery meats again! But we can’t do this without the money.
Basil stares back and forth between Schnapps and the staircase leading to the exit.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Come on, old sport…
BASIL: Fine! I’ll do it! But if ANY peep gets out about this… uh… I’ll give you a 2 on RateMyTeachers.
MR. SCHNAPPS: It’s a deal! Be here tomorrow during lunch!
Basil heads towards the exit while a violin crescendo plays in the background.
The next day, Schnapps is hanging out in the boiler room when Basil arrives.
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Ah! Basil! I was beginning to worry you betrayed me for a bit there.
BASIL: No, I’m…
He sighs.
BASIL: I’m here for the long run. So, uh, why don’t you walk me through what all this stuff does?
MR.SCHNAPPS: Ah, of course! So, these big metal tubes are the fermenters, used to synthesize pharmaceuticals. That funnel over there is the mixer, used to prevent our batches from settling. These delightfully colorful buttons which indefinitely produce beeps and boops of various frequencies make up the control panel. That’s the Dynamic Industrial Renovating Tractormajigger. And these are my Hornswogglers, where I create my famous Everlasting Gobstoppers.
BASIL: Can’t we just sell those instead?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Meth is a more consistent revenue stream.
Basil and Schnapps are now near the mixer, with Basil watching Schnapps get a container of chemicals.
BASIL: Woah, woah, woah! You can’t use nitro for this!
MR. SCHNAPPS: What are you talking about? Nitromethane is perfect for this!
BASIL: Yeah, if you wanna kill Nearview from mercury poisoning. If you want something cheap to reduce to methylamine, you could just crush up some decongestant from the CVS down the block.
Schnapps nods at Basil, impressed by his knowledge.
Schnapps unloads the batches they created in a tall lawn bag.
MR. SCHNAPPS: This should be enough to get the cafeteria through the week. Think you can carry it over to them?
BASIL: What, why me? You’ve got less to lose if you get caught!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Any reasonable cop would expect someone your age to be into this sort of thing. Now go!
Basil rolls his eyes and takes the bag over to the cafeteria. When he arrives, he walks into the kitchen.
BASIL: Mrs. Peppercorn! We’ve got your, uh… special spices!
MRS. PEPPERCORN: Right here.
He walks over to Mrs. Peppercorn, who is busy fetching some frozen food from the fridge.
BASIL: I assume you know what’s up, right?
MRS. PEPPERCORN: Yeah, yeah. We broke into Colonel Sanders’ estate and got his eleven herbs and spices.
BASIL: Uh, no. This is meth.
MRS. PEPPERCORN: Oh yeah. The other deal. Just leave your bag right here and I’ll be sure to slip some of that in.
Basil drops the bag by Peppercorn’s feet and walks back into the lunch line. He takes a gander at its end, where all the students are entering something in a pin pad before leaving with their trays
BASIL (thinking): That pin’s only given to the kids who get the school lunches for free. If I want money to change hands here, I gotta attract some students who are a bit… mmmm… richer.
The camera pans over to the next student in line.
UNNAMED STUDENT #3 (thinking): I wonder if the guy in front of me can read my thoughts… I gotta think of something funny to check.
The camera pans over to the next student in line, who lets out a little chuckle, causing the unnamed student to gasp.
Act II
The AP Research class begins. All the students are slacking off in the school’s library, like usual. Kayla and Josephine are searching for something on their school’s laptop.
KAYLA: Alright… how about… Train to Bussin’... free… HD… streaming… no downloads… no ads… 456movies… PDF… reddit?
JOSEPHINE: Same results.
KAYLA: No, no, no. This one's new.
She clicks on the result.
KAYLA: Ugh, school blocked it. Okay, what about this one?
She clicks on the result and reads what’s on the page.
KAYLA: Wow. They really hate baby seals, huh?
JOSEPHINE: Just go back.
Kayla does so.
JOSEPHINE: Wait, that result’s on YouTube!
She clicks on the video. All that can be seen is a picture of the last row in a giant movie theater while the video plays in a 50-pixel-wide window in the top-left corner of the screen. The audio has been compressed to the point of being unintelligible.
KAYLA: Damn. Was this shot on a Walkman?
JOSEPHINE: It's okay, Kayla. I can just watch it at home…
KAYLA: What the hell, no! We HAVE to watch it together! I just don't know why Google isn't getting anything…
Ms. Brooks pipes in while moving a bookshelf around.
MS. BROOKS: Well, for starters, the movie is called Train to BUSAN.
KAYLA: Agree to disagree. Anyways, I guess we should try asking Reddit for a copy.
MS. BROOKS: NO!
The shout is heard from across the room, causing all the students to pay attention to Ms. Brooks for a bit before getting back to work.
MS. BROOKS: You kids are an absolute disgrace to the forefathers of the Internet. Have all zoomers seriously forgotten the art of torrenting?
KAYLA: Okay, rude.
JOSEPHINE: But we don't know what that is, right? So I guess she might be right?
KAYLA: Josephine!
MS. BROOKS: (sigh) Come over to my office.
At another table, Kyle and Philip are talking to each other.
KYLE: I still can't get over how you sandbagged me during chem yesterday.
PHILIP: Oh, I sandbagged you?
KYLE: Yeah, you sandbagged me. You think anyone would’ve given a crap if you hadn't had to have been a Poindexter?
PHILP: Oh, I'm a Poindexter?
KYLE: Yeah, you're a Poindexter.
BASIL: Guys, guys!
Basil walks up to them with numerous trays of meatballs.
BASIL: The real Poindexter has selected you two as lab rats for my research project!
KYLE: Oh, shoot, that's awesome. What, we just gotta eat all this crap from the cafeteria?
BASIL: How’d you guess?
KYLE: Food’s there already for rats, right?
He takes a meatball and tosses it into his mouth. He looks bored at first, but his eyes suddenly open wide.
KYLE: Woah. I mean, it still tastes like doo-doo, but there's a… tingle to it.
PHILIP: No way, let me see.
Philip tries a meatball, and has the same reaction.
KYLE: Dude, this is crazy. Is the school food actually good now?! Hey, hey Tara?
Tara slides her chair over.
TARA: What’s up?
KYLE: Try this school meatball. I’m not losing it, right?
Tara pops a meatball in.
TARA: No… no, I taste it. But maybe we should buy another round just to make sure.
The group stands up and heads over to the cafeteria. While this was a success for the mission, Basil doesn't look super pleased.
Meanwhile, Josephine and Kayla are hanging out in Ms. Brooks’ office. Brooks is on her computer while Josephine and Kayla watch.
MS. BROOKS: Alright, and you guys have AirDrop on, right?
JOSEPHINE: Yeah, you can send it to me.
Josephine pulls out her phone. An AirDrop notification sound plays.
JOSEPHINE: Woah. And this is the whole movie?
MS. BROOKS: The whole shebang, in 4K.
KAYLA: Okay, but I don’t wanna do any of that Matrix terminal bull, y’know what I mean?
MS. BROOKS: All you need is a single program and a couple of clicks.
Kayla and Josephine look at each other.
KAYLA: Okay, you were right. Show us your magic.
They group around her computer.
MS. BROOKS: Alright, so for starters, you’ll need a torrent client. You can do this on your phone, but it’s probably safer to download something open-source on your computer.
A montage commences of kids sharing the cafeteria food, standing in line, and spending all the change they have. Interspersed between these clips are ones of Schnapps and Basil making new batches of meth and handing the cash off to Mrs. Miao at the end of each day.
At the end of the montage, Basil is idling in the lab before Schnapps walks in.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Hey hey, our antics are already paying off! You know that asbestos experimentation lab Nearview’s always had?
BASIL: It’s the only one in the country, yes.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Well, we raised enough money to transform it into a computer lab!
BASIL: Oh, that’s good!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Yup! 20 top of the line machines, all llllocked away from students and being used to mine Bitcoin!
BASIL: Oh, that’s… good? Wasn’t I going to be able to, like, put some of that money in the cafeteria, though?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Ooh, sorry! We don’t have nearly enough money for your nuggets yet.
BASIL: They're really that expensive?
MR. SCHNAPPS: It's a miracle food, Basil.
The bell rings.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Ooh, that’s the late bell! Wouldn’t wanna be a tardy Tommy!
They both enter the chemistry classroom. The class is considerably emptier than usual. All the students who are there are dazed and don’t even seem to notice Mr. Schnapps’ entrance.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Sorry I’m a bit late, guys. I got, uh, a bit caught up in some stuff.
None of the students respond.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Okay… uh, why don’t we continue our lesson on--
He moves his hand and points towards the board, which makes the students gasp and flinch.
MR. SCHNAPPS: …VSEPR th--
He moves his hand and points towards the board, which makes the students gasp and flinch. He then keeps moving his hand back and forth, which causes the students to gasp every time.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Are you all okay?
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, they’re tweaked.
UNNAMED STUDENT #1: If tweaked means… if tweaked means… high out of my mind, then yeah, I’m tweaked!
BASIL: It- it does mean that, yes.
UNNAMED STUDENT #1: It does? Aw, sweet!
KYLE: But you know what’s sweeter? Mystery meat!
The students cheer.
UNNAMED STUDENT #4: The cafeteria…
JOSEPHINE: Can’t get enough of the cafeteria…
KAYLA: You think you can’t get enough? You think?
JOSEPHINE: I turned down my Vandy acceptance… I turned it down to get more!
KAYLA: Good call. We can probably torrent college anyways. We’re making information free, maaaan…
Basil looks behind his shoulder. Schnapps notices, winks back at him, and gives him a thumbs up.
BASIL: Oh my gosh.
At the end of the school day, while Basil heads back home, he overhears a conversation between Mrs. Miao and Mr. Khatcherian. He peeks within some blinds.
MRS. MIAO: Shant, you’re being paranoid. It’s just the usual end-of-the-year slump.
We now get a glimpse at the principal’s office, and see Khatcherian pacing around while Miao eats yogurt.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: That can’t be it! In all my years as vice principal I’ve never seen test scores this low, assignments this late, students so truant!
MRS. MIAO: It, uh… maybe they’re doing it for the Vine? Or I guess the Tok, now…
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Jenny, even the nerds in the magnet program are falling behind! What kind of force could be more powerful than gifted kid syndrome?!
MRS. MIAO: Shant, Shant, maybe this is a good thing. I mean, the computer lab has computers, the asbestos is now halfway removed… the school’s in better shape than ever! Let’s just wait the year out, and…
MR. KHATCHERIAN: The data is saying otherwise. And we can’t afford the students slacking this hard a week before AP exams! George Bush Bucks are on the line!
MRS. MIAO: Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about our budget for now.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: What, you found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
MRS. MIAO: I mean, metaphorically--
MR. KHATCHERIAN: I don’t have time for this, Jenny. Now get to the bottom of this or you’re FIRED!
MRS. MIAO: You’re the vice principal.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: I just wanna feel powerful…
Basil keeps staring while a violin crescendo plays.
Act III
Kayla, Josephine, and Florence are all chilling at a house and studying with flashcards together. A Bluetooth speaker is playing music in the background.
FLORENCE: Alright, this one’s for all the marbles. What is the formula for ideal gas law?
JOSEPHINE: Uh… I wanna say… E equals M C squared?
Florence looks at the flashcard, then back at Josephine.
FLORENCE: I mean, I guess if you changed what the variables were called, you’d be right?
JOSEPHINE: Darn. Guess I should've spent the past week actually studying instead of doing the cursive-on-top-of-highlighter thing with all my flashcards.
FLORENCE: It's okay. AP Chem is temporary, but pretty flashcards are forever!
KAYLA: No, but guys, these last few chem classes have lowkey felt like a daze, right?
FLORENCE: Yesss!
JOSEPHINE: Yes! I thought it was just me! Senioritis is a hell of a drug, huh?
KAYLA: Yeah, I can't even remember what we talked about in class today.
Suddenly, the speaker starts making strange noises while a voice in the background whispers “I see you.” repeatedly. Josephine looks terrified, but Kayla and Florence don’t seem to care.
KAYLA: Well, guess we’re gonna die. Anyone got a marker? Gotta make sure the crime scene is aesthetic or the police won’t wanna investigate.
FLORENCE: Ugh, guys, it’s coming from the speaker. Spotify’s been running this weird ad for weeks now!
Kayla and Josephine look at each other, the smuggest impression is on their face.
JOSEPHINE: Wait, you don’t have Premium?
FLORENCE: Yeah, go ahead, laugh at the poor.
JOSEPHINE: Oh, no! We’ve got something even better!
KAYLA: AND free-er!
She grabs Florence’s laptop.
JOSEPHINE: Any song requests?
FLORENCE: Uh… I guess that new Billie album dropped, right?
JOSEPHINE: Alright, just open this link in the client, aaaaand… done! This whole album is yours to--
The computer starts playing You are an idiot. Josephine goes from smug to shocked.
KAYLA: This is a new direction for her.
The music stops, and the computer’s fans stop whirring. Now they all realize something is wrong.
JOSEPHINE: Okay, so how much is Spotify Premium?
Cut to the next day. Basil and Mr. Schnapps are both in the lab, but Basil isn’t doing much outside of idling around. As Schnapps walks around the lab, he eventually realizes how Basil isn't as productive as usual.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Hey, Basil?
BASIL: Yeah?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Is something wrong?
Basil sighs.
BASIL: I’m starting to worry that the ends are no longer justifying the means…
MR. SCHNAPPS: Basil, Basil! Consider this a research opportunity! If you phrase it on your resume correctly, you'd be a shoe-in for whatever assistant role your future professors throw at you.
Basil looks at him, unconvinced.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Besides, we already raised half of the money we needed. Everyone in Nearview will be sober as soon as summer break starts, and won’t even remember what hit them next semester!
BASIL: But what if Mrs. Miao wants more?! She could move the goalpost just like that!
MR. SCHNAPPS: I mean, why do you care? You’re gonna be gone forever in a month.
Basil looks around the room.
BASIL: Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Just finished a new batch, by the way.
BASIL: Oh, neat. No hypochlorite this time, right?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Not a trace!
Basil knocks on the door to Mrs. Miao’s office with the money the cafeteria made that week.
BASIL: Mrs. Miao?
MRS. MIAO: Come in.
Basil opens the door.
BASIL: Profits have increased, as per usual.
MRS. MIAO: Perfect, perfect. I think it's time for some aesthetic renovations now, don't you think? I always hated Nearview’s yellow walls. Looks like someone peed all over the place.
BASIL: But that’s our school color!
MRS. MIAO: These kids wouldn't notice a thing!
Basil begins to walk out, before Mrs. Miao remembers something.
MRS. MIAO: Oh! Basil! Before you go, Mr. Schnapps was always telling me you wanted these in the school cafeteria.
Basil gasps.
BASIL: You got them?!
Mrs. Miao holds up the bag of Improbable Nuggets.
MRS. MIAO: Indeed.
BASIL: Oh, wow.
MRS. MIAO: We should have them in the cafeteria next week, but I felt you deserved this private screening.
BASIL: Yeah, uh… thanks. I’ll heat these up right away.
Basil actually leaves Mrs. Miao’s office now. When he closes the door behind him, he turns forward and gets jumpscared by Mr. Khatcherian.
BASIL: Oh my gosh!
MR. KHATCHERIAN: WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE NUGGETS?!
BASIL: Mrs. Miao gave them to me!
MR. KHATCHERIAN: WHY?!
BASIL: Because, uh… because I won… the World Chess Tournament! That I represented the school! …in.
They both stare at each other for a bit.
BASIL: Welp, gotta blast.
He runs off.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: A world chess tournament? He couldn’t win that… no Russian could ever beat even the most rabiz of an Armenian at chess!
This leads him to Issac Turney Guy, who is in the middle of trying to clean out his inbox of warnings from the school's ISP about piracy detected on the network before Mr. Khatcherian barges in.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: I.T. GUY!
I.T. Guy puts his hands up.
I.T. GUY: Aah! That was my own legal copy of Shin Megami Tensei 3! I swear!
He turns around and notices it's just Mr. Khatcherian.
I.T. GUY: Oh. It's you.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: You know those little GPSs we installed in the school laptops so we could find them if they ever get lost in the school?
I.T. GUY: Yeah.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Yeah, well, I have a laptop…
He winks twice.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: …that I wanna track.
He winks twice again. I.T. Guy sees right through him, but he just sighs and complies.
I.T. GUY: Which student, Shant?
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Basil. We don’t have multiple Basils, right?
I.T. GUY: No, here he is.
He swivels the monitor around for Khatcherian to see. He leans in to get a better look.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Okay, now rewind.
The red dot representing Basil’s whereabouts keeps taking the same path, going from class to the boiler room to the cafeteria and back to class, until it repeats the next day.
MR. KHATCHERIAN (whispering): Oh my gosh…
Basil heads over to the fire hazard alley with his cooked Improbable Nuggets. Chase is there with his Lunchables while scrolling on his phone, while Aditi is laying down.
CHASE: Oh, hey Basil.
BASIL: Chase! You’re not high?
CHASE: Huh? Am I supposed to be?
BASIL: Oh, thank goodness! There’s at least one kid who hasn’t tried the cafeteria food.
CHASE: Oh, no way. That stuff could never beat a good ol’ pack of Lunchables!
He kisses his tray.
BASIL: Yeah, and you don’t wanna end up like them, right?
CHASE: What’d you mean?
BASIL: Don’t you notice how strange everyone’s been acting?
CHASE: What, no? Nearview hasn’t changed a bit. Right, Aditi?
Aditi doesn’t respond. Chase nudges her a bit.
ADITI: I’m cold.
CHASE: Pfft. Aditi, you’re always saying that.
Basil looks at them, then worriedly looks at one of the Improbable Nuggets.
CHASE: A chicken nugget? I thought you did Meatless Mondays or whatever.
BASIL: It’s an Improbable Nugget, they make it with plants. They want me to test it out before they put them in the cafeteria.
CHASE: Woah, that’s vegan?! It looks just like regular chicken! Aditi, you seeing this?
ADITI: I want a nugget… I want a nugget…
CHASE: Pfft. Aditi, you’re always saying that.
BASIL: Yeah… just like chicken…
He takes a bite.
BASIL: So, uh, what’ve you guys been up to?
ADITI: I dunno, man… I dunno, I dunno… I dunno…
CHASE: Pfft. Aditi, you’re always--
ADITI: They’re coming for you, Chase.
Chase stares at Aditi, in shock.
Basil looks at Chase and Aditi, then around the hallway. Students are scattered throughout, all dazed and laying on the floor. This angers Basil.
BASIL: I’ll be right back.
Basil walks across the hallway. In one intersection, he passes by Khatcherian and Schnapps, who are currently screaming at each other.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: I’m telling you! There’s something weird going on in the boiler room!
MR. SCHNAPPS: And I’m telling you, you’re acting paranoid!
MR. KHATCHERIAN: You know, the more people tell me that, the more suspicious I get!
MR. SCHNAPPS: I’m just passionate about preserving Nearview’s historic boiler room! Is that wrong?!
Basil walks into Mr. Lukomsky's empty classroom and grabs the wiffle bat. He runs out of the room and into the basement. Khatcherian and Schnapps walk by, but Schnapps is pulling against him as hard as he can.
MR. KHATCHERIAN (grunting): By the power vested in me as vice principal, I demand you let go!
MR. SCHNAPPS (grunting): Demand all you want, but there is nothing… nothing! To see in that boiler room!
Suddenly, they both hear a loud clunk from said boiler room. Khatcherian and Schnapps perk up.
MR. SCHNAPPS: What was that?
Schnapps runs downstairs, with Khatcherian following. Basil is in the middle of destroying all the equipment with the wiffle bat.
MR. SCHNAPPS: No! Basil, what are you doing to the meth lab?!
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Oooh, that explains a lot.
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, I couldn’t stomach what we were doing to Nearview much longer.
MR. SCHNAPPS: But you said you were in it for the long run!
BASIL: I did say that. Our ideas of long must be different.
MR. SCHNAPPS: B-but…
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, look around Nearview! Students are becoming addicts, throwing their dreams out the window! We could have the most perfect, richest school in the world, but what good is any of that if the students are too high to benefit from it?
MR. SCHNAPPS: But… oh, the Improbable Nuggets! You’re gonna miss out on those, ya’ know?
BASIL: I… (sigh)... I was narrow-sighted about that. Instead of treating the rules as a means to an end, I treated them as the end itself. The weekly fasts aren’t just about abstinence from earthly pleasures, they’re about taking action on that abstinence and using it to spend more time in prayer.
Schnapps takes a moment to digest what Basil is actually trying to convey here.
MR. SCHNAPPS: …you were cooking meth for Lent?
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, we--
They hear dial tones behind them, and it’s Khatcherian in the middle of dialing 911. They rush over to him.
BASIL: Woah, woah, woah!
MR. SCHNAPPS: Calling the cops is a bit extreme in this case, don’tcha think?
BASIL: I mean, at least use the non-emergency line.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: You guys were literally cooking meth. That’s pretty up there on the illegality hierarchy.
MR. SCHNAPPS: But like… it’s not like we were the ones using the meth, right?
BASIL: To the police, this would just be one big chemistry experiment!
Khatcherian looks at them confusedly.
MR. KHATCHERIAN: Oh my gosh, whatever. But I want all this stuff gone! Or you’re FIRED, and you’re EXPELLED!
Khatcherian stomps away towards the exit. Schnapps and Basil watch him leave.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Well, I guess this is the end of this era. We sure had fun, didn’t we, sport?
BASIL: We?
MR. SCHNAPPS: Raised some goooood money too. Though I dunno how the heckarooni the cafeteria is gonna deal with this source of funding getting cut. We kinda became their crutch.
Basil thinks about this for a bit, and remembers something.
BASIL: Actually… I may have an idea.
Cut to the school’s lobby, where a bootleg movie stand has been set up. All the students are flicking through the various flicks on display, being sold for cheaper prices. A sign on the table Kayla, Josephine, and Basil are cashiering at reads “BLOCKBUSTER II! CHEAP CHEAP HITS! All proceeds will be donated to the cafeteria.” A student approaches them with a movie to buy.
KAYLA: What we got here?
She squints to read the title on the DVD case.
KAYLA: Good… Goodfellas. Josephine, what’s the vibe here?
JOSEPHINE: Uh… 89 cents?
KAYLA: 89 cents it is!
UNNAMED STUDENT #5: Wow! Thanks!
They hand her a dollar bill.
JOSEPHINE: Oh, by the way, you agree to drop all charges if there ends up being a virus burned on that disc, right?
UNNAMED STUDENT #5: Like, a computer virus? Why would there be a virus?
JOSEPHINE: Uh--
BASIL: It’s a weird promotion studios are doing! Marketers do wacky stuff sometimes, y’know?
UNNAMED STUDENT #5: Oh, then yeah, that’s fine. Not like you can control it, after all! Thanks again guys!
They all wave to the student, then notice Ms. Brooks behind them, who watched the whole thing.
MS. BROOKS: Smooth. I’m proud of you kids. It’s great to see youngsters finally caring to uphold one of the tenants the internet was founded on: all information should be free, even if it doesn’t want to be!
KAYLA: Isn't there a commandment that's like “Thou shalt not steal”?
BASIL: Eh, it's okay. All this media is godless anyways. Especially the drivel that they air on the Fox network!
JOSEPHINE: You can say that again!
They all force out a laugh until I.T. Guy interrupts the bazaar.
I.T. GUY: Hey, guys, sorry to crash the party, but the school’s internet service provider found out about this whole ring.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah? Tell them to bugger off!
Everyone in the lobby chuckles.
I.T. GUY: Actually, I already told them that… so they called the electric company. Our school’s electricity should be cut right about…
The lights flicker a bit before completely going dark. All that can be seen now is a black screen.
I.T. GUY: …now!
The credits roll in silence for a bit before Schnapps butts in.
MR. SCHNAPPS: Hey, Basil! I know a great way we could pay the electric company off!
BASIL: Mr. Schnapps, no.
Before the production logos play out, a screen fades in with text that says “This program was dedicated to the Ronald Reagan Foundation. Just say no to drugs.”
