Sun Dried Techo Claw
| “ | Frustrated at Techo Says? Wipe the smile off his face with this delicious Techo forearm. | ” | |
| — Official item description, Neopets | |||
The Sun Dried Techo Claw is an item on www.neopets.com that was first released on October 18th, 2000 where it was able to be purchased at the Spooky Foods Shop, sold by the Spooky Foods Shopkeeper, a Halloween Bruce. The Sun Dried Techo Claw is on average, priced around 300-500 Neopoints. In the Inventory, the Sun Dried Techo Claw is categorized as a Spooky Food.
Appearance
The Sun Dried Techo Claw is a hand and forearm of a Techo, a fictional species classified as a Neopet whom were first introduced on June 7th, 2000. The Sun Dried Techo Claw has green flesh covering bony, sun-dried remnants, of the moisture having dissolved. Four lime green nails can be seen protruding through the fingertips of each of the four fingers of the hand. The Sun Dried Techo Claw is often seeing doing the "OK Hand", which according to a 2006 research study by Brightvalian scientists, is a result of the resemblance due to the natural resting position of the muscles, joints, and tendons of the Techo's arm when all life has ceased and the arm has completely lost all water volume.
Usage
The usage of the Sun Dried Techo Claw often varies depending on the user who engages with Neopets.
Consumption
As a Spooky Food item, the Sun Dried Techo Claw may be fed to any Neopet, where they will generally eat it without issue, including Techos, who wouls otherwise be commiting cannibalism doing such. This has sparked many moral debates and conspiracy theories regarding the origin of the Sun Dried Techo Claw.
Esophagor Quests
The Esophagor is an NPC on Neopets that gives the player quests when visited, which consist of the Esophagor requesting a number of Spooky Food items. The Spooky Foods Shop will genereally contain the items that the Esophagor desires. The Sun Dried Techo Claw may be one of the items he asks for. The Shop Wizard is not banned from usage during an Esophagor Quest.
Reselling
Either because They have no life, are highly masochistic, or have incredibly specialized interests; a number of users on Neopets engage in an activity known as "reselling", which involves users buying and reselling shop items in order to gain a profit. Reselling on Neopets is generally contentious, with some users believing that resellers have too much control over the Neopian economy, while resellers themselves claim that what they are doing is honest and fair work.
Regardless, the Sun Dried Techo Claw is generally considered a worthless item as it is obtainable as a prize in the Test Your Strength game for the lowest possible score. It generally costs on average less than 100 Neopoints, with little to no usage within Charity Corner events.
Collecting
Users on Neopets like to hoard Small pieces of code with GIFs attatched to them, otherwise known as items. Items can be obtained through many means, such as buying them in a shop, recieving them in a random event, by engaging in daily events, among many other activities. Some users have a desire to collect items in a certain category, such as stamps, coins, sea shells, Usuki dolls, among less mainstream things such as items featuring a specific species of Neopet or a genre of object, such as balls or toilets. Users like to display their items in Galleries, essentially shops but without the ability to buy or sell stuff.
The Sun Dried Techo Claw may appeal to those looking for collections of Techo themed items, a general Spooky Food collection, or a collection of food items made out of Neopet meat. Regardless, the dated artwork of the Sun Dried Techo Claw is sure to to draw eyes towards it in a Gallery.
Morality
The Sun Dried Techo Claw is generally overlooked in the grand scheme of Neopets controversy, but is often lumped together with all of the "pet food" items to form a single debate regarding the ethics and implications of themes of cannibalism on Neopets. While Neopets may be fed "pet food" of their own species, it is otherwise treated as normal food with no in-game differences or consequences, such as Kyriis being allergic to apples. In the Neopets website lore, cannibalism is confirmed to be in practice by NPCs.
Generally speaking, most of the time this is generally tounge-in-cheek banter among users of Neopets. While most users are otherwise fine with having the pets the player takes care of eating their own species' meat, more issue is taken with the poorly aged depictions of the NPCs on the website. Regardless, the Sun Dried Techo Claw is generally not an item that people are seeking, per se.
Theories
As the Sun Dried Techo Claw is a rather enigmatic and mysterious item, leading to a number of conspiracy theories regarding the item
Actual Techo Meat
On a more grave and scandalous note is the exact origin of the Sun Dried Techo Claw, or the fact that it's left a mystery. Many players on Neopets may notice that the hand of a Techo and the Sun Dried Techo Claw do not exactly match up. For instance, the color of the Sun Dried Techo Claw and the hand of a Green Techo's colors do not match up under inspection and scrutiny. Additionally, the presence of lime green nails on the Sun Dried Techo Claw has baffled many Neopians, as a normal Techo hand distinctly lacks any sort of nails or claws. While there are some exceptions to this rule, including the existence of Mutant, Tyrannian, and Darigan Techos; these nails are a result of having adaptations or mutations to their body to suit different lifestyles, such as the Mutant Techo being genetically altered by Dr. Frank Sloth to be an idealised version of a Techo in his eyes, equipped with multiple methods of self defense and combat for killing. The Tyrannian Techo has grown to a dinosaurian landscape with more primitive Neopets in tow. Lastly, the Darigan Techo has evolved after the Meridell-Darigan Citadel conflicts in the isolated, barren, decrepit lands of Darigan Citadel, growing sharp teeth and claws that can rend flesh easily. The nails seen on the Sun Dried Techo Claw are simply too small and impractical of use, with nails being largely absent in Techo hands. Fossil evidence seems to support that Techos once had nails, but they evolved out of use for them so they grew smaller and smaller until they disappeared.
Origin
The exact origins of the Sun Dried Techo Claw has been a withstanding mystery ever since their first sighting on October 18th, 2000. Nobody knows where the Sun Dried Techo Claws exactly came from, why they exist, and no recorded identity of a Techo has ever been connected as a match to, or identified with any documented Sun Dried Techo Claws. This point of speculation has Damn fruitmultiple sub-theories as a means of supplying an explanation as to why the Sun Dried Techo Claw exists.
The Ancient Ritual Theory
This theory was first coined by Neopian antique shop owner and historian of his species, Alabaster Chesterdrawers is a Red Techo who lives in Neovia, a gothic town in the heart of the Haunted Woods, where he owns and operates his antique shop Chesterdrawer's Antiques.
Chesterdrawers has investigated the origin of the Sun Dried Techo Claw for years, and has penned a hypothesis that the Sun Dried Techo Claw was in fact an item as a byproduct of ancient rituals from largely undocumented early years of the Haunted Woods. An excerpt of an interview from Alabaster Chesterdrawers describing his theory in detail, from May 21st, 2014; is as follows:
...And seeing these weird pieces of Techo history is so fascinating to me, my nerding over the past is so embarrasing, but I'm so glad I found someone I can pour out my all to.
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Ah, don't be ashamed for your love for history! It's the young and curious who will pass down the torch in years to come, and I'm glad to see the passion for the past hasn't yet died out.
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Yeah, but not all questions can be answered sadly. I mean, it's been years and we still don't know why the Sun Dried Techo Claw exists, and in such high quantities at that.
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Actually, give me a moment. I might have a little something regarding that.
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Ah, here we go!
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What's that?
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The notes on my theory, the theory to explain why Sun Dried Techo Claws exist. Many moons ago, when the sun once shimed under what is now the Haunted Woods, a society of Neopets once thrived. Eventually, the land started to die and the residents began offering their limbs and such as an offering to a higher being, but alas, the Haunted Woods plunged into darkness with most vegetation having died off. It's believed that Techos whom were in the area offered their hands, as we Techos are equipped with special suction cup-like fingerprints that allow us to cling to walls. These later were dried up over time, and now they are found once again.
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Um, wow... That's interesting. But that begs the question: Why are there so many of them? We don't even know how old they are exactly.
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As I said earlier, it's a theory currently. As I gain more evidence, we can update it to better reflect what we now now.
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I see, then...
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Alabaster Chesterdrawers last mentioned the theory on August 7th, 2018 in the local Neovian syndicate of The Neopian Times, where he goes on record stating:
As for the countless number of Sun Dried Techo Claws, I am still uncertain as to why there are an innumerable amount of them. Is there some kind of nearby practice where Techo hands are cut off? And why hasn't there been any handless Techos walking around, either? Are they even from here? Needless to say, I've been baffled by it. Arnold, Sidney, and the rest of the Deserted Fairground gang don't even seem to know either, but on the same token they also find such efforts to discover the origin of the Sun Dried Techo Claw as "humorous".
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Cloning Theory
Naturally, some sort of discusssion within what is otherwise ground zero to the origin of the Sun Dried Techo Claw would take place within the Haunted Woods and Desserted Fairground itself, with it's denizens having been interviewed on the subject on May 13th, 2013. The first person interviewed was the Spooky Foods Shopkeeper, who regularly sells and restocks the Sun Dried Techo Claw. An encounter with the Spooky Foods Shopkeeper is recalled below:
Um, hello? Good evening sir!
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Evening? It's noon!
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Then why is the moon out?
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That's the Haunted Woods for ya. Now what can I do for you?
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I wanted to know if you knew anything regarding the Sun Dried Techo Claw
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What? Can't handle seeing your own kind being sold as food?
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...Yes?
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Well if you have a problem with that, then I don't think this place is right for you, kiddo. Scram and look for your mommy.
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My mom's in Meridell, I'm travelling the world to satisfy my quest for knowledge, you know! The School Supplies Shop isn't doing well anyways.
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Wait a minute, YOU run the Neopian School Supplies Shop in Neopia Central? For Neoschools? Which never even opened?
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...Yes.
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How do you even do that? You're still a kid, surely some labour laws have to be violated by your mere existence.
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Well, you see... It's a bit complicated, but-
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Save me your life story. I'll humor you if you promise to shut up with your annoying, know-it-all voice.
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We have a deal, then!
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Okay, what did you want to know?
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Where do Sun Dried Techo Claws come from?
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Don't you already know the answer to this? I mean, you are literally wearing a graduate cap casually.
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I mean, I know what a Sun Dried Techo Claw is, but I want to know why it exists and where it came from.
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To be completely honest, I really don't know. My supplier hardly ever talks about where he gets his stuff anyways.
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And who would your supplier be, then?
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That would break my contract if I told you, I signed an NDA with him and needless to say, my life would end if I were to tell "anyone".
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Bummer. Any clues that you can give me that won't get you assassinated?
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The Desserted Fairground could have an answer, maybe? Things like the Test Your Strength game give away Sun Dried Techo Claws.
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Okay then! Thank you for your help, sir!!!
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The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper begins to run away from the Spooky Foods Shop to the Deserted Fairgound.
{{{2}}}
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Don't you want to buy something to eat?
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No! I'd rather not eat brain custard or whatever else you have!
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Jerk.
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That same day, the interviewer met Arnold, the Brown Mynci who operates the Test your Strength game in the Deserted Fairground, and offerd Sun Dried Techo Claws as a prize.
Hm, this seems to be the address to the, er... "Test Your Strength" game. A staple of carnivals all across Neopia.
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Step right up and let's see who's the real man around here! Hey, kid! Don't you want to be a winner?
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I think you and I between us know that we would never concievably win the game.
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Who knows? Even if you don't win, you can at least prove to your friends that you're a real man!
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First, I don't have any friends. I run a struggling school supply shop in Neopia Central and nobody has even entertained the thought of us being friends. Secondly, why is using masculinity as a form of measurement of self-worth applicable here? Who cares if I don't play with Grarrl Action Hero figures?
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...Well, you got me there. You can go.
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No, no; Mr. Carny. I'd still like to play the game.
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Really? You're kinda weird, kid.
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Arnold gives the Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper a mallet, which the latter hits the pressure point pathetically.
{{{2}}}
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Okay. I'm done.
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You didn't even actually try, you sure you don't wanna go again? I'll let you go for free!
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No, I just would like my prize.
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...Okay, for your score of 12, you will get a prize from the "Pathetic bin", but I'll let you choose because you're such an... Interesting character.
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The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper opens the prize box, and picks out a Sun Dried Techo Claw.
{{{2}}}
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I want this.
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Err... You sure?
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Yes, I want the Sun Dried Techo Claw.
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Uh... Any particular reason? Do you... Actually eat it?
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No, I just want to know where you got this from.
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Uh, well... Gee! I never asked you personal questions kid!
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It's not anything against you. I want to know your supplier of Sun Dried Techo Claws.
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No can do.
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Okay then, I'll take my prize and leave. Thank you for your time.
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The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper walks away from the Test Your Strength game and walks to a tent.
{{{2}}}
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I've only known that kid for 7 minutes and I already hate his guts. I wouldn't be sad if his hands were chopped off and dried and sold.
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The interview then goes on to describe the author entering a suspicious tent, with Sidney the Blue Nimmo, who operates the Deserted Fairground Scratchcards.
The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper can be seen walking into the Deserted Fairgrounds Scratchcards tent.
{{{2}}}
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Hey, kid! Aren't you a little too young to buy ssome Ssscratchcards?
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Yes.
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Then get out of here! I don't want a lawsssuit!
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But I'm not here for that. I want to speak to you.
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What could you posssibly want from me? From my point of view, you're a dumb kid who doesssn't know hisss bondariesss!
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And you're a grown adult who likes to hiss at people who lives in an abandoned faiground with your fellow carnies.
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You're an annoying brat, I already don't want anything to do with you.
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The sooner you'll answer my question, the sooner I will leave.
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Ugh, fine. Make it quick!
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I want to know where this is from.
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The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper pulls out the Sun Dried Techo Claw he earned earlier.
{{{2}}}
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Why, that's a prize from Tessst your Ssstregth; a Sun Dried Techo Claw! You mussst be really bad at it, eh?
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Actually, I preformed badly and got under the Mynci there's skin that he just let me pick it out of the prize box.
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Delightfully devilisssh, I must say.
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I want to know where you got this from, as in your distributor.
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I honesstly don't even remember at thisss point, I signed a contract yearsss ago, and I don't even know what'sss it from.
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Doesn't it bother you that your are giving away the flesh of Neopets out as prizes?
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Well, not really. It addsss to the ssspooky vibe here! If I were you, I'd probably do the sssame asss well.
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...Right, and it doesn't bother you that there are wide scale amounts of them.
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No, but I do recall sssomething related to this. A few yearsss ago, a very... Interesssting figure was able to find waysss to clone the organic matter of Neopetsss.
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What does this have to do with Sun Dried Techo Claws, exactly?
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Apparently, my dissstributor when I firssst met him went on rambling about thisss. Apparently, he had purchasssed and wasss alssso sssellling thisss "cloned organic Neopet matter" to me, but he never sssaid what wasss and wasssn't that. It'sss very much possssssible that the Sssun Dried Techo Claw iss from that.
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Oh. Is there a way I can speak to this "distributor" of yours?
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He'sss gone into hiding. He'sss ssstil around for sssure, but we only really communicate via relay letters, and this letter courier of mine doesssn't even want to be ssseen, and demandsss I leave mail addresssssed to the dissstributor is hidden underneath a rock next to this tent.
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Secretive man, eh...? Someone else told me they couldn't say who this... Guy; even is. When I asked the same question to the Spooky Foods Shopkeeper, he got nervous and said he couldn't say anything about who his "distributor" is, or else something bad would happen to him.
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I believe me and him have the sssame distributor, if I am not to be missstaken.
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So the same stipulations would happen to you if you were to say any identifyibg information regarding your distributor?
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Yesss, most likely. I don't even think what I already told you isss even ssafe for me to say. Pleassse don't tell anyone I sssaid anything.
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Uh, sure.
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Thanksss. I answered your question, now you may go. Goodbye.
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Thank you for the information.
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The Neopian School Supplies Shopkeeper walks out of the Deserted Fairground Scratchcard tent.
{{{2}}}
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I myssself, wonder where the Nimmo Finger comesss from. Hmm...
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Meat Factory Theory
Perhaps on a more disturbing level is the "Meat Factory Theory", of which the original conspirator's identity is unknown, and has insisted upon protecting his identity, refusing most interview requests when inquired to do so. This theory has been within the general Neopian public's perception and knowledge for years, with documented discussionnof the theory recorded as early as March 2009.
The Meat Factory Theory insists upon the existence of a factory which processes meat products made of Neopets that exists somewhere in Jelly World. The theory goes on to explain that as a revenge plot against the revolt against humans living in Neopia between 2000 and 2001, some humans have retreated to Jelly World as a safe haven. Neopets who had once belonged to frozen and banned accounts would go to the "meat factory", where they would be turned into the various "pet meat" items. The theory has been largely discredited, with various witness testimonies mocking the theory.
There is so much wrong with this disgusting, vile theory. First of all, there is no documented evidence to prove that Jelly World exists. Secondly, humans? In Neopia? No way! They've been extinct for years! Lastly, why does it have to be so sad and gross about the friends and familiar faces who vanished? Some Neopets, I tell you...
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Even if it was true, why hasn't this been better known? It feels way too convoluted and relying too much on supplemental conspiracies to even prove itself. Don't even waste your time thinking about it, it's very silly indeed. ...Also, I'm not a human, I'm a Faerie.
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What? No way! How awful! Just hearing this theory make me sick to my stomach, ugh!
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Some people have too much time on their hands, and I can't think of a better example to prove that sane and rational Neopets have been on a decline.
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...Please tell me you're kidding. There's no way people actually believe this garbage.
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I have no words to express my contempt with this "theory".
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I mean, if I was young and didn't know any better, I'd believe it and tell others. It's just stupidly edgy enoughto scare kids, I knew I would've at it up if I were younger.
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While some people look for answers to the perplexing questions that wrap around our heads in this deeply confusing world, I don't believe this to be a practical, comforting, or even remotely possible solution to old problems.
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Often times I'm asked if I eat Sun Dried Techo Claws. Maybe as a prank or something, no clue. The answer is I don't and never will. Is it because some people think I dress funny? I could wear actual clothes if I wanted to; as a matter of fact I do wear a shirt and pants on my days off instead of no shirt and a grass skirt on my working days. It's pretty rude to make assumptions. I don't even eat most meat, I'm a pescetarian. ...What was this about, again?
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I've heard of pet meat before, never seen it for myself. Often times I go into my cellar and grab some of my rations if I really wanted to have some. It's pretty dark in there so it's like a guessing game of what you'll have for dinner. Then again, I can't remember the last time that I've stocked anything new there, the icy conditions do their job preserving the meat, I tell you. I have to usually leave a hunk of... What I assume is a Snorkle shank next to the fireplace for an hour and then I can actually cook it.
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That's so gross! Ew! Why isn't it categorized as a Gross Food instead of a Spooky Food? I'd never eat it. Never ever ever! BARF!
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I know EVERYTHING about Sun Dried Techo Claws and the morality about eating them! Let's see here, let's try "Neopian Search", and try "sun dried techo claw"... Hm... Oh, but that's nust the item. No lore? No info? Hm... What else can I do? Oh! Maybe there's an article about it in the Neopedia! Let's type it again, and... Nothing. But I'm supposed to know quote, "everything", unquote? I hate my job sometimes. I wish I could somehow complain and actually get updated information that hasn't been retconned or is already 2 decades old.
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Sun Dried Techo Claw? Seen a few of 'em here and there from time to time. Not surprising, as I'm a Haunted Woods native; but I digress. Do you think that there's someone who is that depraved that goes out there and kills Techos just for their hands? It's incredibly specific and I have no idea if it's real or not. I'm just waiting for the day we find out that they're actually Grarrl claws or something, because they do not look like a Techo hand. Trust me, I was a good friend with a Techo beforehand and he ain't have any claws.
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If I were to describe the taste of a Sun Dried Techo Claw, it'd be bony and flavorless. Trust me, I was bored one day and I wanted to try the food that the... Ugh, "lower class" of Neopia and needless to say, their diet is deplorable. How else can they thrive on their pathetic lives insyead of just getting an actual job like me? Selling extravagant furniture has it's perks! So, so many perks... Job applications are on the table, dears.
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Good morning Neopia! Today, I have been interviewed in order to state my opinion on the Sun Dried Techo Claw. And my opinion is that I think it's disgusting and I hate them! ...No applause? The applause sign lit up, you people are supposed to clap! ...Wait, I'm not in my studio? ...Can I get the makeup crew here? No makeup crew? Can we get a cut? No camera crew either? ...Why are you writing so fast? It's kinda creepy. Are you... Writing everything I say?
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I really would like to say something about this, er... Pressing social issue, but I just got signed on a contract to coach the Maraquan Yooyuball little league. Can you get back to me later? Thanks. ...Oh, no follow ups? It'll be quick? Okay, fine. I have never even seen a Sun Dried Techo Claw and I haven't even heard much about them, buy whatever happens above the sea, stays above the sea. Can't believe some Neopets would stoop so low, it's disgusting. Okay, I think that's it, bye!
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The original conspirator of the Meat Factory Theory has once made an interview publicly available where he agreed to an interview with The Neopian Times as unreleased supplementary content that has since leaked due to a database breach from poor website security. The interview segment was already edited and spliced and was of low quality, appearing as a VHS Tape rip, which has been considered odd due to the abolishment of the Neopia Video Store. The transcript is as follows below:
...with the practices and beliefs of today. But how exactly do you have this info regarding the origin of infamous objects such as the Yurble Steak, Grundo Stix, and Usul Meat Wrap?
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It all lies above us, in Jelly World. There, they do awful, awful thing to innocent Neopets where their lives end in upsetting ways.
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Do you know who is behind this?
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Now, what I am about to say isn't exactly well known, but with the evidence that I myself have gathered, is that Ms. Worley, a human who once ran the Neopian Pound, was fired and replaced by Dr_Death, a dear friend of mine. After she was fired, she had completely lost her composure and ran into hiding. She had no friends, no home, and only one desire: end the Neopets species as they exist.
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And uh... How would she had executes her plan.
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We don't know for sure, but it is said that she exists high up into Jelly World, running a factory where, without saying too much, Neopets who had their owners banned or frozen meet their end.
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...Yes, and how are we, the general public supposed to believe this theory? Do you have photographs?
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The truth is is that I have a rathee close connection to the source, and it has been troubling my mind for ages. If nobody believes it, then so be it. At least I am able to speak my mind and let everyone know, if in the future this massive cover up has been exposed, that there was a warning, and they simply chose to ignore it.
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I see, I see, with such confidence, it must feel so invalidating for people to brush off your ideas.
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Well, it's unfortunate, but I couldn't exactly blame them either. They all have rather sheltered and normal live to attend to, with other things to worry...
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Nutrition
The Sun Dried Techo Claw has been deemed as "Unhealthy or risky food" by the Neopian Board of Nutrition and Health. The summary of the report, dated July 1st, 2002, is as follows:
The Sun Dried Techo Claw may seem like a enticing snack for those who either have a weird desire to eat the hand of a Techo, or just really hate Techos in general, but it has been determined that it is likely not a good idea to eat a Sun Dried Techo Claw. The Sun Dried Techo Claw has four sharp nails that pose as a choking hazard, and if ingested, may rupture parts of your digestive system. The same applies to the bones. The meat itself is rather rough and salty, with little value in protien, iron, calcium, or any vitamins. While it is low on calories, it is has no nutritional value and may contain diseases of the original Techo, such as Neezles, NeoMonia, NeoFlu, and Fuzzitus. All aformentiomed illnesses have been linked to the consumption of Sun Dried Techo Claws and for that reason, it is advised against eating any Sun Dried Techo Claws.
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The Money Tree and Rubbish Dump, two places known to offer unwanted items, have frowned upon those donating Sun Dried Techo Claws. The Money Tree himself has it upsetting that others must show the apparent suffering of Techos upon others and wishes that they were simply discarded instead of being given any sort of a "second chance" to other Neopets who may even remotely want it.
Trivia
- The Techo Claw Comb greatly resembles the Sun Dried Techo Claw. It is unconfirmed if this is intentional or not, however.
- Sun Dried Techo Claws are sometimes used as improvisional combs.
- The Sun Dried Techo Claw has never been observed as any other Techo color than Green.
- Sun Dried Techo Claw nails are occasionally used as ingredients for medicine, with properties found that have been linked to better liver and pancreas health in Neopets.
- The scales of a Techo flake off over time. No scaly variations of the Sun Dried Techo Claw have ever been recorded, making the green appearance possibly from rotting instead of the actual color of the Techo.
- Sun Dried Techo Claws are a popular gift to give as an insult, especially to a Techo. Most Techos will generally react with shock, disgust, or contempt.
- The Sun Dried Techo Claw is sometimes used as a hand pointer for schools in the Haunted Woods. Mist students in said schools have found it morbid and disturbing.
References
- ↑ https://www.neopianews.com/2018/10/21/np/techo-claw-eating-deemed-safe/index.html
- ↑ https://www.meridellinquirer.com/politics/morality/scientists-deem-sun-dried-techo-claw-safe-to-eat
- ↑ https://www.brightvalenews.com/science/sun-dried-techo-claw-meat-discovered-to-have-cancer-preventing-antibodies
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