| Item | Description | Cost |
|---|---|---|
Wishing Wand |
Don't get your hopes up about using this in combat, it just dolls-up people. | 2200 Bytes |
Happily Ever After Potion |
Judging by the labelling, I think this is supposed to make you handsome if you drink it? I dunno. There's only a drop left in here, and I'm already a total hunk so I don't need it. | 4050 Bytes |
Pheonix Skull |
The phoenixes in your Multiverse have black skulls, right? They have ones in mine. Yet again, there's a weird black substance rubbing off my hands whenever I hold this thing. Probably paint. | 3500 Bytes |
Shattered Wishing Star |
This thing is a little cracked and used-up, but if my research is correct, you'll be a little bit more lucky if you bring it around with you! | 15000 Bytes |
Rapier |
I used to use a rapier myself, so whoever used to have this must've been a real badass! | 1500 Bytes |
Kingdom of Far Far Away
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
The Kingdom of Far Far Away (often abbreviated to just Far Far Away), was a small micro-nation that existed within an unknown location in Europe during 1215 - 1767, usually headed by the House of Pendragon. Although it's technology resembled that of the Middle Ages, historical records and findings dictate that they used many alternative substitutes for modern inventions and culture through the use of magic, advanced technology and other methods. As of modern times, it is now a shell of what it used to be, with it now being warped beyond comprehension and being to many hostile beasts. The Beast is watching Noah. HistoryThe Iconic FoundingOn October 12th of 1215, An alternative universe with a history identical to our own was suddenly thrown into an extremely devastating civil war, wiping out most of Europe. The exact cause of this calamity was unknown, but it has been theorized that it was instigated due to the discovery of dragons and magic many months prior in several European nations. Out of the many kingdoms that rose in order to fill the power vacuum left by the destruction of these empires, Far Far Away came to be one of the first documented. During it's first few years of existence, it was originally a shanty settlement that was plagued by many supernatural and fantastical threats, which humanity at the time was unprepared to deal with. The most particular of these threats were dragons, which often raided and pillaged the camps of the early settlement, killing many of its people each and every time. This came to an abrupt end when two close friends who happened lowly knights of the settlement, Drayton Pendragon and Charlemagne Farquaad, managed to permanently scare of the supernatural threats through a series of spectacular events. The people rejoiced at the prospect of finally being freed, and for his service, Drayton Pendragon was crowned the first King of Far Far Away. The settlement soon grew to become a prosperous kingdom, partly due to it being now undisturbed by outside threats and the newly developed cocky culture of its citizens, parading their story of it's first king defeating the dragons for generations.
Era of DiplomacyFor the many years since its founding, the kingdom of Far Far Away away was relatively hostile to most fairy-tale creatures that presided within it, partly due to the attacks they faced in their infancy. Although not quite on the level of bigotry found within its neighboring kingdoms such as Duloc, the only supernatural beings that could live comfortably within the state were those who could com-modify their own magic for the benefit of the human populace. However, some strides in coexistence were achieved during this period before the Era of Diplomacy, when Princess Lillian managed to fall in love with a frog by the name of Harold. This frog was then able to achieve a human form through the power of love that him and Lillian felt towards each other. She then married him, thus making him the latest king of Far Far Away for the time. The rather sour and awkward tensions between both races living in the kingdom would soon be changed forever during the fabled year of 1732, after the next in line to the title of Queen, Princess Fiona was suddenly inflicted with a horrible curse in her youth. This spell would cause her to turn into a ferocious ogre during the night, and only revert to her human form during the day. Although her parents and the current monarchs of the kingdom, King Harold and Queen Lillian, tried their best to hide their daughter's condition from the rest of the kingdom, they eventually resorted to drastic measures. They enlisted the aid of Far Far Away's top potion brewer and provider of Happily Ever Afters, the Fairy Godmother to lock their daughter within an abandoned tower guarded by a fearsome dragon until she came of age. Once she did, the King and Queen promised the Godmother that her son, Prince Charming, could rescue her from the tower himself and then take her hand in marriage. Despite this plan by the Godmother, King, and Queen, many knights across this period of time decided to embark on the journey to rescue the princess themselves, all failing in their mission. The Beast inches ever closer. Eventually, after tiring of waiting, and fearing for the well-being of their daughter, the King and Queen sought drastic measures to save their daughter, including various wish-related ailments. Just as they were going to forfeit their royal positions to a sleazy wishmaster by the name of Rumpelstiltskin, they had received news that their daughter was, in-fact, finally rescued.
Those who were angered by this revelation most of all was that of the now fully grown Prince Charming and the Fairy Godmother, who concocted a scheme to rid Fiona of her curse and her new husband once and for all. This scheme not only led to the Fairy Godmother's undoing, but also led to Shrek and Fiona's curse being accepted by both her parents and the kingdom at large. The Fairy Godmother's defeat marked the point in the kingdom's history where fairy-tale creatures and human coexistence became much more popular and accepted.
Reign of OrgesShrek and his colorful cast of friends became almost deified figures in the eyes of the kingdom, many modern scholars likening their popularity to that of the modern day British Royal Family. Shrek in particular was frequently seen at many events throughout the years of the kingdom alongside Princess Fiona, including the annual Far Far Away Idol.
Insurrection of 1755The date and exact time in which Charming's insurrection took place has been lost to time. However, we have been able to pinpoint the date, which seemed to confirm earlier theories attempting to prove that it occurred after the first Far Far Away Idol with Princess Fiona. The timeline of events seemed to have begun with the passing of King Harold, leaving his son-in-law, Shrek, to be crowned King of Far Far Away. Upset with his newfound status, he ventured in search of an heir to the throne, eventually finding a young Arthur Pendragon. Elsewhere, a group of fairy-tale villains and hostile creatures led by Prince Charming stormed Far Far Away, and eventually took control of it, capturing Fiona and the other princesses within the Kingdom. When Shrek, along with Arthur returned to the kingdom, they too were taken prisoner. Eventually, the combined forces of Shrek and his allies, Fiona and the other fairy-tale princesses, and Arthur demoralizing Charming's army though appealing to their humanity helped topple the insurrection and saved the kingdom once more. Once Shrek returned to power, he promptly resigned from his role as King, and left the duties to Arthur to rule as king.
Wrath of The WishmasterRumpelstiltskin, furious that his chance at having the throne of Far Far Away was indirectly taken from him by Shrek, decided to appeal to the ogre's nostalgia for his old ogre life, by allowing him to the timeline for a day. This created a world where Shrek never rescued Fiona, and thus Rumpelstiltskin succeeded in becoming the king of Far Far Away, turning the land into a dystopia where ogres are prosecuted, and Fiona and Shrek's friends are either scarred , cold, and/or battle-hardened warriors. This was, assumingly, all a part of Rumpelstiltskin's plan to steal the throne, and to personally make Shrek pay for stealing his future. Due to this timeline being altered shortly after its creation, its wider history is unknown. Multi-versal historians however assured us that this timeline, along with Rumpelstiltskin, were erased from existence through Shrek fulfilling the contract that allowed for it's existence to be unwritten. A new universe, identical to the ones that came before Rumpelstiltskin's altering of events, took the place of the old world.
The Fall of Far Far AwayFar Far Away was later perused and attacked by the forces of a high-dimensional being. This being's identity has been lost to time, but it seems that it was capable of rational thought, and served as a bringer of order to the wider multiverse. It's reasons for attacking Far Far Away have been debated, but the common theory among most is that Shrek's altering of it's history through the power of Rumpelstiltskin's wish-magic, and then destroying said alternate timeline created through the wish resulted in the fabric of space and time being but in jeopardy. The Second and Final WarThe result of the encounter with this dimensional beast led to a war between both Far Far Away and this creature's emissary. Although Shrek, the Fairy-tale creatures, the forces of his allies, and the combined military might of Far Far Away all fought long and hard, they were defeated spectacularly despite their efforts. They were however, able to kill an extremely important member of the emissary, an event that infuriated the dimensional beast. Shrek's death by the hands of this beast's elite guard signaled the end of the war.
The EndFor this defiance, the beast used it's great powers of corruption to magically levitate the entirety of the kingdom into the sky, and then flip it upside down. Then, it was corrupted and altered with dark magic, making its architecture more cold and horrific. Finally, the entire kingdom and its surviving inhabitants were teleported out of its dimension of origin. The dimensional beast used its new kingdom as a means of storage for any important items and artifacts that his minions received from their conquest in removing anomalies from the Multiverse. This resulted in exotic and hostile creatures, confiscated from those erased by the dimensional beast, populating the desolate and abandoned halls and platforms of the kingdom. The original inhabitants of Far Far Away that survived the Second and Final War hid from the beast within the altered walls of their former home. To evade death by the dimensional beast's minions, these survivors formed tight-knit, but secretive societies within the rooms of the castle that the beast's minions dare not to go. Eventually, after a few centuries, the dimensional beast became distracted by other more important matters, and forgot about the existence of Far Far Away. The dimensional beast's minions who presided within the castle realized their master may not return back to the kingdom, and this left in order to return to their homes and to continue serving their lord elsewhere. This left only the secret human communities descendant from original Far Far Away inhabitants and the exotic and hostile beasts scouring the kingdom as the only remaining life within the once prosperous kingdom. It is unknown if either of these groups are still alive in the present day.
CultureBehavioral patterns A "Burger Prince" location, presumably a fast-food chain in Far Far Away that coincidentally resembles that of the modern "Burger King".  How DARE these medieval primitives steal MY idea several centuries before I even created my first Burger King?! What the Friday-Night-FUCK! I'm glad these plagiarists are history! Scholars generally describe the Kingdom as being extremely technologically advanced for its time. Many instances of technology and cultural traditions that can be found in the modern era were also present within the time-period, including the culture of Hollywood films and modern film-making, along with various businesses that are eerily identical to those of modern conglomerates, such as Burger King and H&M. Despite this, modern multi-versal historians have clarified that these similarities are purely coincidental, and that many of the technology present within this kingdom was lost decades prior to them being reinvented once again. The Beast is even closer. Within the universe that Far Far Away originates from, it appears that several fairy-tale characters and creatures may have actually had historical evidence for their existence specifically within the kingdom. Many princesses from folklore, such as Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Belle were all found to have presided in the kingdom, regularly acting as highly-esteemed celebrities. Traditional fairies, such as fairy-godmothers, also may have operated in a similar role, using their magic as a means of commodity for Far Far Away's citizens. Citizens deemed that encountering especially small creatures, such as pixies, elves, or gnomes was deemed a sign of bad luck. After Shrek's first appearance within the kingdom, and the death of the Fairy Godmother, these bigoted customs were abandoned in favor of treating all fairy-tale creatures with respect. Ethnic groupsIn terms of homo-sapiens, Far Far Away were a predominately Caucasian society that took inspiration from British customs and dialects. This is in spite of the fact that they were estimated to have been approximately 600 kilometers away from the destroyed remains of the United Kingdom. Why did they do that why would you willingly choose to do that why did they all have American accents what the fuck is going on After Shrek's arrival, people and other sapient species from all parts of the world came to settle within the kingdom, making it highhandedly the most culturally-varied nation in Post-apocalyptic Europe. Centuries later, the sheer diversity of Far Far Away inspired two game-makers and famous immortal multiverse-travelling warlocks, Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson, to create a tabletop roleplaying-game based on the many creatures and people they encountered when they visited the kingdom several hundred years back. This game would later be known as Dungeons and Dragons Dungeons and Dragons and Diners and Drive-Ins and Dives. It was originally just known as Dungeons and Dragons, until the famous food beast Guy Fieri tampered with copyright to rename and refocus the game around food and shit in 1987. EconomyFar Far Away was known to have been a very lucrati
huh? what the fuck
why would we ever consider doing that. nobody documenting history is just gonna. NOT include a vital part of a kingdoms identity and history also who even are you anyway
you..sell stuff?
...
no
listen. I got paid GOOD MONEY by that kid to make sure I finish this page. I'm not gambling on some algebrailen-wannabe knock-off's gimmick shop to give me a few extra points for this entry.
i dont really question the logistics
can you promise me that I'll also make it out okay?
that doesn't really mean much to me
alright, fine. itll be nice to get some help making this page anyway.
I better not. Corj's Cool Junk
  Come to rest, adventurer? Why not treat yourself, first? Here at Corj's Cool Junk, you're bound to find at least ONE use for any of the miscellaneous junk I find on the ground one day! The special offers around these parts are all themed around Far Far Away! Now YOU can have your very own Shrek-themed artifacts for yourself! Yada, yada, you buy stuff with bytes..you get the idea. NO VOUCHERS.
ArchitecturePrior to the Second and Final War, Far Far Away had a very unusual architectural style for its time. This style of the way they build housing seemed to be similar to that of the models found within tropical areas of the United States. Even its businesses were in the style of these Los Angeles-looking homes complimented with palm trees in the lawns. Despite all of the unique interior, the insides of many of the royal castles and businesses were more in line with that of traditional medieval architecture. This is, in course, despite all of the magical appliances that resemble modern luxuries and conveniences within these buildings.  Once a hall towards the main castle is now an impossible-upside down component of a never ending labyrinth. In modern times, the kingdom has gone through a drastic design philosophy change, partly because of the forbidden power used to warp it. The once cozy tropical environment of the kingdom has now been replaced with sharp, jagged towers and castles, which are cold and hostile. The kingdom has grown in size greatly, and the color of almost every building has been turned into an orange-yellow. Many spires and towers that are impossible to access through normal means litter the kingdom's landscape, screaming chaos and mystery. Many adventurers have been noted to go into hysterics under the sheer weight of the atmosphere alone. The most defining feature of the kingdom now is the fact that it is now upside-down, suspended in mid-air. Nothing is known about how this is possible.
The SecretThe most prized possession of the secret societies that live within the wall of Far Far Away are it's Memoir Coin.  This coin was originally the Hammer of Vrickokcirv, a relic King Harold had bought at an auction. This hammer was melted down and turned into a coin, which the societies use to honor Shrek's memory. Unfortunately, with the extinction of this secret society, the coin is now unguarded.
The Beast Arrives
Trivia
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
